When I Hear Renaissance Faire I Run For The Hills. B101 Bee.

Renaissance Faire?

Schmenaissance Fair!

I love festivals and fairs but the kind I don't like is a Renaissance Faire. Like the PA one that's now going on.

And it's not that I don't like the Renaissance. I do. I just don't like bad actors approaching me and talking in a terrible Old English accent and I'm supposed to play along.

It's like when a dude in a costume - like the Bee from radio station B101 wants to high-5 me. It's a dude in a bee costume. I ain't playing along you dick.

One time I was in a supermarket and I was really hungover and I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and guess who it was? The fucking Bee. And he was just standing there waving at me. So I just go, "What's up?". Then turned back around. So there's been bad blood between the two of us ever since I guess.

That is all.

Oh, yeah. One more thing. Look at the dude in the picture gnawing on the turkey bone. Repulsive. And you know he's all, "Oh my King this turkey leg hath to be the most splendid tasting bird in all the land!"

Shut it!

Bees. Oh They'll Get Ya! Bee Attack In West Whiteland.

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend about bees. Pretend you were there as I retell the story:

My son was about five and my wife hears screaming coming from the backyard. She runs out and my son and his friend Kyle are running toward the house. They had stepped in a bees nest.

So my son gets in the house but Kyle is surrounded by bees and is being stung. And the bees are going up his pant leg and up his shirt.

Now I wasn't there but my wife was telling me the story when I got home from work. I'm like, "What did you do?"

She says, "I was really calm. I was like OK Kyle, let's pull you shirt off...OK here we go..Good...OK step out of your shorts...OK...as I walked him toward the house. I finally got his shirt and pants off and I pulled him into the house."

What?

I don't know how she stayed so calm. I really think I might have done this as my son ran into the house: "OK Kyle, Jack can't play now..OK..you just go home now. Alright?We've got some things to do..(as I pull the door shut)...come back tomorrow.

Well hopefully I wouldn't have done that but I could have seen myself saying, "JUST RUN AROUND THE HOUSE! BEES ARE SLOW! (as I watched from the inside of the house) THAT'S IT..FASTER! THE BEES ARE GETTING TIRED! I CAN TELL!"

Look At That BBQ Header at the Top of My Blog. Bees!

So everyone is changing the layouts of their blogs these days. I just don't have the patience to do it right now so I simply added the picture you see above. It's an image of me barbecuing on my deck. I then realized there was a bee's nest under the grill. Using my catlike reflexes I screamed like a girl and ran inside to get my electric tennis racket bug swatter* - best invention ever - and went to town on the bees. They didn't stand a chance.

And on the subject of new blog layouts, two of my favorites are the blogs of Whiskey Marie and The Verdant Dude (aka B.E.Earl). I'm very, very jealous. I especially like how The Verdant Dude's blog has the options of tabs that let you have links to other blogs. And I'll add that these are two of my favorite blogs as well.

*Note that there are spikes hanging off of the electric tennis racket bug swatter. These show you that it's been used in many bee battles. They could easily poke out an eye but danger is my middle name. Well, actually "Screams Like a Girl" is my middle name. "Danger" is my Confirmation name.