Chester County Hospital 2009 May Festival And Special Shoes.

I thought today was the Chester County Hospital May Festival but it's actually May 26. Which is perfect. Because I was thinking about going there, getting in the moon bounce and then putting on these:



They're aerator shoes.

Then as the deflation of the giant moon bounce begins the screams of joy will turn to screams of horror. Parents will frantically pull through the folds of the still flapping rubber looking for their children.

Someone will drop to their knees and scream, "Why??"

Just as the last child is pulled from the wreckage I will emerge from what's left of the moon bounce wearing my fancy ass aerator shoes. Everyone will look at me with confusion and anger at which point I'll get all pissed and innocently say,

"WHAT????....(looking around) WHAT?? I thought that....Oh forget it!"

Then I'll stomp away all pissed off.

Coatesville Fire Arsonist Catcher Needs Parade Help.

As I reported yesterday, one of the arsonist has been caught in Coatesville, Pa probably thanks to me helping to spread the word on my blog. And in a little more than eight hours after releasing the story of the Coatesville arsonist capture, I received over 250 hits from people just searching for that story.

That's the beauty of keywords.

And do you know what all of this mean? Coatesville is probably going to throw me a hero parade. And guess what? I'm going to let you guys help me plan it. Here are some of my parade demands/suggestions as a local hero that I'd like to see in my parade.

- The "Coatesville 'Here Comes That Hero' Parade" route should start with tiny animals and the animals should get larger as they lead back to me. For example at the beginning of the parade there will be mice, then squirrels, then small monkeys, ..............then me on an African elephant. I would also like to have at least three tapirs.

- I would like my hero outfit to be completely covered in feathers and sequins but if it looks gay at all I will not wear it. So this is going to be a design challenge.

- I want a major rock band playing on the parade route (not Coldplay) and when I'm in hearing distance I want them to play "Don't you know that you're my hero?"

- I want a few boxes of Snickers and Three Musketeer bars - the fun size - that I can throw out to my fans.

Please add your suggestions for my Coatesville hero parade demands in the comments area.

Very Important New Year Announcement From West Chester Blogger

I need everyone's help! In my last post I told everyone that "I'll see you next year."

I'm a bit concerned that some of my stupid readers will think that I meant in "one year" or "2010" instead of today, which is actually a day later and is 2009. (Get it? see you "NEXT YEAR"?) If someone could start one of those chain emails to let all of my readers know that I am indeed blogging in 2009 I'd appreciate it.

Thanks.

P.S. Before you do it,take your mask off because Halloween has been over for 2 months.

End of Year Wrap Up At Chester County's That Blue Yak - 2008

What a year here at That Blue Yak. Could you imagine how dull and terrible your lives would be if I didn't bring you free, daily sunshine? Probably worse than rural India. Do you know they don't even have toilets there?

Here's a quick throw together year end recap of this blog. I've also added some things that may happen in 2009.

Number of posts written this year. Not including this one - 422.

Greatest Accomplishment - Having over 100 followers that have unknowingly signed up to kill for me or sleep with me.

Top Curiosity I Have About My Readers - How often they discuss this blog with friends and coworkers*. (Please leave details of your amazing stories in the comments section).

Top Goals For TBY Content in 2009 - Make some more original videos. Click here to view one of the few I've made.

Top Thing I'll Order Blog Readers To Do For Me in 2009 (In addition to killing for me and sleeping with me) - Leave more comments on the SnapVine Recorder - located on my sidebar. Don't hesitate. Do it now - there are some open lines. Or tonight when you're good and drunk.

Top Thing I've Neglected To Do - Send the prizes for the people that won my contest. I promise I'm gonna do it.

Top Thing a Reader Can Do To Show Their Appreciation - Get a That Blue Yak tattoo. Or at least buy a TBY T-shirt or mug. Click here to order.

So that's probably it folks. Have a great time celebrating tonight! See you next year!

*And I want everyone to come clean on this. With how many loyal readers I have, there has to be at least one nut out there who has stapled a face from a magazine onto a pillow, then attached the pillow to a mannequin body that they got from a yard sale and they pretend that it's me - Dr Zibbs. And then when a friend stops by, they panic and shove the Dr Zibbs figure into a closet because they're embarrassed. C'mon - don't lie. Someone has to have done something like this.

Famous Blogger Announces 2009 Calendar Of Hotties

I hope you saved the receipt for your Ziggy Calendar because you're probably going to be returning it. The reason? I hereby announce the THAT BLUE YAK 2009 wall calendar*. I'm not only releasing this to have a handy reference to the days of the week, but also as a blogger keepsake. A collectible. Since I already have a lot of foxy ladies reading this blog**, I thought I'd use their images for the calendar in exchange for the $1000 per year subscription fee that everyone who reads my blog has unknowingly signed up for.

So click on the links to see the 2009 Yakettes:

January Melo - She's the red head in the middle.

February Alice - in sexy Halloween outfits. The playboy bunny is my favorite.

March Lydia - She's the 4th picture down on the right (and some pictures below that).

April Gwen - The top picture with the fingers for gun is my favorite in this one.

May Ms. Florida Transplant - Hopefully she'll read this before she picks the winner of her current caption contest (hint - bribe - hint - wink)

June Beckeye - In her witchy-evil pose.

July Chele - Doing one of her famous splits on the dance floor.

August Morgetron - This is her with red hair.

September Whiskey Marie - One cool chick.

October Chris - this one is for the ladies and my gay readers. Look at those handsome poses. (note that I have no idea if Chris looks more like Brad Pitt or the Elephant Man. As I'm 100% straight man, all dudes look identical to me).

November - This month reserved for a picture of a unicorn with an inspirational saying. Or a tractor.

December -This month reserved for any female bloggers that usually don't post pics of themselves in their blog. Just send me a few pictures. Remember, there's only one spot left so if the picture of you happens to be of you kissing another girl or something titillating, my secretary may accidentally move it to the top of the pile. So get snappin'.

*Images for calendars will be printed and bound by users - or - more simply, just print out the pictures and tape them to a calendar from an Insurance company that you'll probably be receiving in the mail soon. Don't forget to write "That Blue Yak" on each page with a Sharpie. You know, so it looks authentic and all.

**For those of you that didn't make the cut this year, make sure to leave more pictures of yourselves on your blog so this cut and paste BS doesn't take me more than 5 minutes for the 2010 edition.

(and one more thing, I'm not responsible for what some of the male readers "do" with these pictures. Seriously, have you seen some of the creeps that visit this blog? Sheeeshh!)