A Vegas Story From A Follower. Goodship Lollipop.

After I posted yesterday’s Vegas story a Twitter friend emailed me saying she also had a “couldn’t stop cracking up in Vegas” story. She said she laughed so hard that she wet her pants. Of course I asked her to email me the story. She wants to remain anonymous* (probably because of the shame) but here it is. Tis a good one:

We were up all night partying and ended up in the casino restaurant where all the old people were having breakfast.

Somehow or another I convinced my bff to walk over and do the Goodship Lollipop dance in front of this older couple who were innocently eating breakfast.

She did it (no surprise, she's nuts) and the old guy started yelling at her to get away from them...but that wasn't gonna happen because she knew I was gonna wet my pants.

She continued dancing doing the arms and everything and he took a swipe at her with his butter knife. That's when I had to leave the scene. She followed me to the elevator yelling at me that she got stabbed because of me and I literally had my legs crossed cuz it was coming.

She actually had a big butter swipe on the front of her pants.

We fall out of the elevator and she left me in the corridor and as she backed out, she shut the big double doors majestically and bowed out with a "aaaaaaaand goodnight" and it was over. Full on peed in my pants.

Then we get back to the room, I shower (she watched....just kidding!) and when I came out hotel security was in our room...that's a whole different hilarious story...oh Vegas.

*If she changes her mind she can always out herself in the comments section.

The Time I Didn't Eat Two Double Cheeseburgers In Vegas.

So I was talking to a friend yesterday about the time we were in Vegas a few years ago and something that made me laugh harder than I think I’ve ever laughed. It may be one of those “had to be there” stories but here it is anyway:

It was about midnight and it was the last night of the trip. He was all liquored up and was going to bed. I was like, “F that noise. I’m going dancing.”

So the next morning we check out and leave our bags with the concierge so we could eat breakfast. We return to get out bags. My friend says, “Do you have the ticket for the bags?” I reach in my pocket which is full of crumpled up money and various receipts. I hand him what I think is the bag ticket.

FRIEND: (examines receipt with interest then bursts into laughter). You ate TWO McDonalds double cheeseburgers at 4:33 AM??? WHAT THE HELL??

ME: WHAT?? No I didn’t! (I start laughing because I know I would never eat even one McDs double cheeseburger. Let alone two)

FRIEND: It says it right here! Two double cheeseburgers at 4:33! HAHA!!

ME: (Now I’m hysterical because I’m also now remembering the fog I was in as I went to McDonalds in one of the casinos) I must have picked up the wrong receipt!

FRIEND: (Thinks I’m lying about it or I just forget that I really ate two double cheeseburgers) No you didn’t you were so drunk that you ate the two burgers and you just forget!! At 4:33!

At this point we’re literally doubled over laughing. And I’m close to pissing my pants (like you chicks do when you’re cracking up). Then I actually do remember that it was a confusing late night ordering scene with drunk people and the stupid staff that was serving the food.

ME: Wait! (Barely getting one word out at a time) I remember now. (Hahaha) There was a bunch of receipts on the counter and I think I picked up the wrong one.

FRIEND: (Thinks I’m lying) YEAH RIGHT!!! HAHAHA!!!

ME: I swear! Why would I eat two double cheeseburgers? I would never do that!

FRIEND: But you did. Here’s the proof! (holds up the receipt)

ME: HAHAHAHA!! IT’S NOT MINE! MAYBE SOMEONE PLANTED IT ON ME!!

And we continued to hysterically laugh. Practically screaming as people looked at us like we were crazy.

OK. Maybe you had to be there. But if the scene was acted out in a movie you would be cracking up.

Worst Fight Scene, Kirk, Star Trek

So the other day I showed you the worst dancing in a music video ever. Now I'll show you the worst fight scene in a TV show. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you - Captain James T. Kirk from Star Trek.

And I can't for the life of me remember the name of the monster he's fighting here. All I know is that when I was in Vegas a while ago this monster was there in one of the hotels. I think it was Harrahs. There's a nerdfest Trek restaurant there.

Hey! Look At The Adventures We Really Didn't Have!

If you remember, Poobomber from the blog, The Other Side of Normal, won my contest the other day. The grand prize was five emails from me detailing the adventures we'd have if I'd actually come down from my mighty throne and decided to take on a new friend. Well, he's actually turned these BFF adventures into a masterpiece by capturing photos of the great time we never really had. And he somehow got actor Bill Pullman to play the part of me - Dr Zibbs. So check it out.

Click here to see part one
Click here to see part two

Click here to see part three

I wonder who will be in the final two installments? Maybe it'll be you. Or you....Or even YOU!

Vegas Places Odds On Barack Obama's Real Name

According to the Associated Press, the Barack Obama campaign is refusing to release his birth certificate. Several theories are circulating for the refusal. Was Obama actually born in the US or his father's native country of Kenya? Another theory is that Barack changed his name from an embarrassing name. Vegas odds will be released at 5:00 Eastern time but the list has been forwarded to That Blue Yak. The names/odds are:

1-5 odds: Barack YoMama

2-5 odds: Rerun

4-5 odds: George Dubyelu Bush

6-5 odds: Female'

7-5 odds: Ward Cleaver

Good luck.

This is the Ugliest Chick I've Ever Dated

OK, she may look ugly, but this picture was taken with a camera phone so on the ugly scale she's probably half way between Bruce Willis's daughter and the elephant man.

OK, before our customer service lines start ringing off the hook, this is actually the m113 creature from Star Trek - a replica that is. Picture was taken in Vegas a few months at the Las Vegas Hilton. They've got a whole thing called the Star Trek experience . From what I could see in the 3 minutes it took to stroll threw the lobby, I'd say it was "warp speed nerd-ariffic!" (I hereby claim copyright to this expression so please do not repeat).

A little free advice for nerds. If you're planning on taking a lady there, keep cool. Don't quote every Trek line like all of your geek friends. Have a little self respect. Trust me. You are impressing nobody.

Things to do in Vegas on the South Strip

And here are a few additional pictures of Las Vegas and some handy tips for the traveler.

This is the Excalibur Hotel. It's got a cheesy castle theme. Great location (between Luxor and New York, New York) but the crappiest of the three. Pretty reasonable but they should tell you right off the bat that THERE ARE NO TUBS! - Only shower stalls. Leave your Mr. Bubble at home.

Here is a picture of New York, New York at night. There were even some dopes riding the outside roller coaster in 40 degree weather. Stupid.

Below is the Bar at Times Square inside of the New York, New York hotel. Great bar with the dueling pianos. Good times but if you stop in a few times during the week you'll hear some of the same 'jokes". How about some more original material guys. It was this woman's birthday so she was on the piano. People were singing "You've lost that loving feeling" to her. And I just lost my appetite.

Looks like we've got some gals who were really going out of their way to pick up guys. The one wore a bridal getup and they CLAIMED that they were having a bachelorette party and as part of their "scavenger hunt", they asked me if I had a condom. Nice pickup line, nice effort, and very original. Now go get me a Dewar's and water - easy on the water. Then we'll talk.

Here's another bar that is a good time at the New York, New York. It's called Nine Fine Irishman. Pretty good Irish music on most nights. And this lady must live there because I saw here last year while in Vegas at the same bar. She pushed her way to one of the prime standing locations at the Bar at Times Square. Very rude. I think she is saying here, "Look everyone, a guitar."

Walking upstairs, you'll find the Coyote Ugly Bar. The concept is hot bartenders getting up on the bar and dancing all sexy-like. They also throw water into the crowd that is supposed to be beer. Show your defiance by throwing a real beer toward people that are annoying you. Believe me, they'll never know where it came from and it'll make you feel better. Later in the night they let REAL women get up and dance on the bar. Tip for women: Don't ask your girlfriends if you look lood enough to dance - go out of the bar and ask a few random strangers. Take their advice. They won't lie. Also, if you are going to dance on the bar, take off your coat and don't be holding a hand bag. It makes you look frumpy.

This is a view standing outside of the Monte Carlo and looking north on the Vegas strip. Diablo's Cantina is a new bar at the front of the Monte Carlo. Steer clear. It looks like it's a great place but drinks are totally over inflated and it's packed full of dudes. It's a sausage factory. They do however spin a huge wheel every half hour and you can see the current drink special so it's worth stopping in if you're walking by.

Here is the Las Vegas City Center - still under construction. It's located between the Monte Carlo and the Bellagio.

Here's the City Center at night. For those on a tight budget, it's easy to sneak into the area at night by jumping onto the back of a truck - like the one pictured below. Make sure to cover yourself with a concrete bag because if Raul the night foreman catches you, you're gonna get arrested. Bring a flashlight because once inside, there's a treasure trove of lunches left over from the construction workers. I found a barely touched 14" tuna fish hoagie! And you thought the casino floor was the only place to hit the jackpot. (Don't be greedy though - grab what you can carry in a pillow case and get out).

Here's a picture of the Las Vegas news reporting on a City Center break-in the night before. Like I said, grab what you can steal in a pillow case and get out!

Here's a picture of the Bellagio fountain show at night. Very classy.

And that's about it for the pictures. Enjoy.

Here are two Las Vegas blog links for you:

Classic Las Vegas - preserving classic Las Vegas.

Rate Vegas Blog - Vegas and casino design blog

New Year's Resolution? Take better pictures. Reason? Because these spicy shrimp quesadillas at Yolo's, which were unbelievable look like throw up in the photo. While in Vegas, I treated myself to these quesadillas at the Yolo bar inside of the Planet Hollywood casino. The dish was perfect. Crisp outer pastry shell with tasty tangy shrimp and cheese on the inside. Nice accoutrements like guacamole, tomato, onion and aioli on the side. To drink, I ordered a beautiful Margarita in a huge, hand painted glass. Excellent. For now.

When I was finished, I was searching for the bathroom and asked the first person with a lanyard, "Excuse me, do you work here? Where are the bathrooms?"

"Oh, I don't work, I'm Hillary Clinton's press secretary and we just one Nevada!"

(Ohh Jeez - I just finished eating) - "Really, where is she?"

"She just left for the airport a minute ago but the caucus is still upstairs."

I went upstairs and snapped this shot of the most giddy group of fembots. Hillary had left the building and they were still scrambling around like 12 year olds in 1972 that just caught a glimpse of Bobby Sherman . A sickening sight.

I left the building in disgust - knowing that I missed the opportunity to heckle Clinton after mooching some free food.

Sirrico's Pizza In Vegas Receives Ten Stars

Review of Sirrico's Pizza at New York, New York Hotel and Casino by THAT BLUE YAK'S fat marketing assistant Mike Touchton:

"OK, so I'm the fat guy, but here it is: Sirrico's is the best pizza in Las Vegas. It's hard to tell by this slice, but trust me, it was perfect. Thinnish crispy crust, great sauce and great cheese. This particular slice had pepperoni and jalapeno, but this was one 8 slices I had during the week. I like to mix it up. Only 2 slices dipped below the 7 out of 10 rating due to the temperature of the slices. I don't know how they do it with the crappy Vegas water but this is really world class pizza. The bottom of the crust has the ALMOST burnt crisp, but the top is ohhh so tender."

"Here are my tips, for Sirricos however, spend a few bucks and get another cashier. You have enough people standing around but things are a' slowin at the line. I do like the cat eyed mascara on the cute cashier. At first, I thought it was a gimmick, but once I heard the accent - I knew this was a real Italian gal - not savvy to the fact that only American gals that are trashy wear makeup that way. I started to tell her that as a pickup line, but as I started to talk to her I panicked and ended up asking her about the Patriots. She looked at me funny. Maybe I need to loose some weight. I'm sad."

Vegas Club "The Bank" Brings Vin Diesel To Tears

Vegas Hot spot THE BANK, welcomed That Blue Yak Staff last week to their swanky, nightclub while muscle man Vin Diesel was forced to take a backseat.

On looker and admiring THAT BLUE YAK fan Shelly Morton gives her account:

"It's true. I noticed that the YAK was in the Bellagio around 9:00 when I saw a commotion inside of Caramel's. I looked in and saw Michael L. Hardly Jr., you know, the dreamy VP of Purchasing - demanding that the DJ play some Funkadelic. Well, you know Hardly, the DJ refused and Hardly gave the guy the claw and coolly walked out of the joint and said, 'it's Bank Time.'

"The Chester County, PA executives then strutted their junk across the Bellagio floor toward the Bank. Knowing that the Bank "caters to a discerning audience with higher sensibilities", they knew they were rrrrright at home. They walked right past the doormen, giving them the infamous International YAK sign and went straight up the escalator. It was very, very cool."

"The thing is, cocky film star Vin Diesel finished his photo in front of the Bank sign and attempted to enter the club. The doormen grabbed his arms and were like, 'behind the ropes with the peasants slop' we've got fire capacity limits'".

"Vin Diesel just hung his head and said, 'I didn't feel like going in right now anyways'. A single tear dripped down his face."

Don't forget to check out these related links:

Van Diesel Fan Club

How to Look Cool in a Casino

How to get into a Vegas Club if you're not cool

Fun In Vegas with Elvis

Vegas. Great city, great fun, chock full of Elvis. I met a homeless King and an Australian one. Here's the homeless one:

I met this rascal while walking from the Luxor and into the Excalibur. (Note the Mary Tyler Moore wig that he so cleverly brushed back). Some guy walking in front of me said, "Hi Elvis, can I take your picture?" I grabbed my blackberry as well and prepared to snap a shot.

The D list Elvis asked the first guy, "Hey yeah, wouldn't mind something for that". The guy just walked away. Then as I finished he asked me, "You gonna help me out a bit"? Of course not. Just as if you had just fallen down a flight of steps, if you are dressed as Elvis you give permission to all point, laugh and snap pictures.

Here's the second Elvis I met: The picture is blurry but his act was as clear as the Bally's stage he was singing on. He wasn't paid to sing but the lounge act, Matt Newbold, let him sing a few songs. The King then later approached and sat down next to some hot chicks. That's Elvis for you.

We struck up a conversation with the King and he hung out for a while and had some drinks. His name is Ziggy and he's from Australia. He used to be a pilot for Qantas Airlines and is now retired. He said he's always wanted to be an Elvis impersonator so he comes to Vegas a few times a year to get some stage time and exposure.

Overall, excellent Elvis filled night.

Looking to hire an Elvis Impersonator? Well look at the selection available here.