Meatloaf Lookalike Looks Nothing Like Meatloaf.

"Hey. What's up? My name's Bert McGrath and as you can plainly see, I'm a Mealoaf impersonator. You can tell that by my weight, my ratty ass wig I got at a dollar store and my kerchief that I'll use to wipe off my sweat when I sing "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad" at your BBQ, party or bridal shower. Oh. *winks* And I got an attitude and sex appeal to boot as you can clearly see."

That my friends is a real Meatloaf impersonator. I found the picture on my desktop but I forget where I found it online. Is there anyway he can be really good? I bet you anything I can do a better impression of Meatloaf. I do it all the time in my car when Meatloaf songs come on. I always grab a tissue to use as my prop for wiping my fake sweat.

True story bitch asses. OK. Now back to looking at his picture.

Ladies and Gentleman..The Carpenters. Close To You.

Feel free to sing along.

Or sway.

I Bet Little Darlings Was One Of Your Favorite Movies. Kristy McNichol.

Here's a clip from the 1980 movie Little Darlings with Kristy McNichol and Matt Dillon.

What a rash.

I used to have a crush on Kristy McNichol* but now I look at her and she isn't even that cute.

And look at how they have identical hair. Oh brother.



*Fun Fact: I used to hook up with this chick in college that looked just like her.

Questions About People That Wear The Taz Jacket. Nicknaming Yourself.

There are just so many questions I have about people that wear a Warner Brothers Tazmanian Devil jacket like the one pictured above. Here are a few:

- Do they get the Taz jacket first and THEN nickname themselves Taz? Or is it an all out, Taz blitz with self nicknaming themselves Taz and the jacket is merely a reinforcement of the name?

- Did they see someone wearing a Taz jacket and that inspired them to buy one. "Man, look at that dude all Tazed out and shit. That's gonna be me someday."

- Have friendships ever been lost because one guy was wearing the Taz jacket and then a friend put Taz mud flaps on his truck? "No fucking way. Take em off! First the mud flaps, then you'll get a Taz shirt then you'll want a Taz jacket! That's MY thing!" (fight breaks out - after Taz jacket removed).

- Do they ever call places that store mink coats in the off season for pricing? Just in case.

- When it's cold out do they ever say, "It's cold as shit out here. I better go get my Taz."

- Do they ever go to a party and the host asks for their coat and they refuse to give it up? "Uh..I don't think so. If this coat goes in a pile on your bed and it walks? There's gonna be a situation. I think I'll just hold it."

- When they first get the Taz jacket and they're going to their local hangout, do they ask a friend, "Would you mind going in and looking around to see the reaction I'm getting from people when I come in the door? Maybe you can say, 'I wonder if Taz is showing up' or something and when they're like 'Who the hell is Taz?' I'll strut my ass in, frame myself in the doorway for a few seconds then walk to my bar stool. Beginning my new life as 'Taz - the dude that wears that Taz jacket.'"

What questions do you have?

And note that the inspiration for this post came from this blog post. I was cracking up in bed as I was thinking about Alice's encounter with a Loony Tunes jacket wearing dude.

Count Dante - Deadliest Man Alive and 70's Kid.

I wonder if any kid in the 70's ever saw this ad for Count Dante's Black Dragon Fighting Society and ordered it. And while he waited for the booklet to arrive, he started getting cockier and cockier.

He'd wait in his yard for bullies and throw rocks at them then yell, "IN 4-6 WEEKS YOUR ASS IS MINE YOU JIVE TURKEY!"

Then he'd run into the safety of his house, fling himself on the bed and look at the Count Dante' ad again.

Then when the booklet arrived, he ripped it opened and was shocked that it was complete bullshit.... and he prepared to get his ass kicked. He was gonna safety pin the ad to his chest in a last ditch effort but then he looked at it again, felt really stupid and just threw it in the trash.

No. That little boy wasn't me. But if might have been this guy or this guy.

Play Off Keyboard Cat, After School Special and Helen Hunt.

The other day I prayed for a video that featured the Play Him Off Keyboard Cat, an After School Special and Hall and Oates.

Jesus must be real because:

Patrick Swayze In RoadHouse. Seriously - Are You Kidding Me?

Yesterday at the BBQ that I went to I was able catch a half hour of the movie Roadhouse starring Patrick Swayze.

Why didn't anybody tell me that Roadhouse was so great? And by great I mean so cheesy that I couldn't stop laughing. I wish they took photos of the pride in the faces of the people that were responsible for making that movie. If I had those photos I bet I could watch the movie, then glance at the photos and just laugh my ass off.

And do you see that part in the clip below where Patrick Swayze is shirtless and doing karate moves because he studied Eastern philosphy in college? I would give anything to have that Swayze character live next to me and do that crap in his yard because my new hobby would be to harass Swayze. I'd probably call it "operation harass Swayze" or something really creative like that. I'd probably hide in the brush making monkey sounds, shoot rocks at him using my wrist rocket - things like that. After I gained his trust of course. That's how I do it.

And his intensity reminds me of how much I can't stand people that are this intense and serious. Fine to be serious all the time but if you've got no quirkiness to you then I have no use for you. (looking away and shooshing with hand) Be on your way.

Journey Remake Video. Separate Ways. What The?

Here's a video that the blogger Words, Words, Words sent me. It's a remake of the already crappy video "Separate Ways" by the "as crappy as REO Speedwagon group" Journey. It's cheese-alicious".

Enjoy.

PA Snow Forecast Ruins Roller Boogie Day For Blogger. Roller Skating Onlookers In Tears.

Stupid PA weather forecast calling for snow in PA today. I was totally going to put on a shiny 70's shirt, rainbow suspenders and fedora, lace up my roller skates* and go for some Roller Boogie style laps around my neighborhood today.

And it stinks too because I have a really cool move I was thinking about unveiling. I pictured me roller skating by a neighbor who's out getting their Sunday newspaper, then when they said hi to me I was gonna pull a comb out of my skate, do one comb of my hair, give a wink and say, "Great day for a little Roller B." Then I'd do a mini jump and keep skating my cool ass down the road.

It would have been total love on wheels. Oh well. Either way, enjoy this trailer from the Linda Blair movie "Roller Boogie":



*And for the locals, how many of you went to Spinning Wheels or Caln Roller Rink back in the day? Maybe we skated together. Maybe I even offered to buy you a hot dog or pretzel after we skated. And you said no. Stuck up bitch. You could have been the famous Mrs. Zibbs if you had played your cards right. Instead, you're stuck with that no good slob sitting over there on your couch. Go ahead - give him a kick. Maybe it'll make you feel better for the bad decision you made years ago.

REO Singer Kevin Cronin Mistaken For A Granny By PA Blogger.

I hereby announce that when I was flipping through the channels the other day, and the infomercial was on for the Rock Ballads CD collection and Kevin Cronin from the peckerhead group REO Speedwagon was hosting....

I totally thought he was an old lady at first. Here's a picture of him but if you've seen the infomercial - he's even more grandmothery.


...and when I realized it wasn't an old lady I started laughing so loud. You should have been there. And for the record, I always hated REO Cheese Wagon*.

*I officially declare the name "REO Cheese Wagon" as a name I just made up. Feel free to use it in conversation but please reference me after you're done using the name in the sentence.

Brady Bunch Time To Change. That Means Hair In Different Places. Puberty That Is.

So continuing on my nighttime Brady Bunch singing marathon this week, I give you, "When It's Time To Change". Seriously, you must rearrange who you are. And also - the things you want to be.

And I'll tell you what I want to rearrange, Alice's face after she does that, "You go get em Tiger" fist move and expression at 38 seconds in. I swear I'm gonna bust her lip open...after I have a make out session with Marsha....(looking firmly at Mr Brady), "MIKE STAY OUT OF THIS!"

And For Those Few That Don't Know Who Does The Voice Of Miss Crabapple From The Simpsons.

Marcia Wallace. Never forget. This look - when she was on Match Game.

She hasn't died or anything but I saw her on the Game Show Network when I was flipping the channels the other day and was afraid that people may have forgotten what her look was. Imagine the rejected styles,

"You want me to wear that? And go on television?"

The horror that was the 70's.

Blogger Uses Move At Party That Might Have Looked Cheesy From Afar.

So I'm at the cocktail party last night. I had a great time. It was too bad because my wife has had a sinus infection so she didn't go.

So I'm talking to this hot MILF and after a while we're laughing hysterically. Nothing wrong with that. And we're really cracking up. You know - at funny things I was saying and stuff. And all this is happening in the corner of what they call the Butler's Pantry. Pretty fancy huh? Then as we're talking I lean my elbow up to the wall for a second. Elbow at head level and forearm extended up the wall.

Then I realize that this is a prime, stereotypical cheeseball flirting move. So I caught myself and returned to normal standing position. I bet that move is a normal male flirt instinct. I'm going to have to look that one up in a body language journal or something.

Or it could have something to do with the primal desire of chicks wanting to get a wiff of dude's pits. Who knows?

Worst Fight Scene, Kirk, Star Trek

So the other day I showed you the worst dancing in a music video ever. Now I'll show you the worst fight scene in a TV show. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you - Captain James T. Kirk from Star Trek.

And I can't for the life of me remember the name of the monster he's fighting here. All I know is that when I was in Vegas a while ago this monster was there in one of the hotels. I think it was Harrahs. There's a nerdfest Trek restaurant there.

Super Bowl Commercials? How About Carvel's Cookie O Puss?

It looks like advertising spending will be down this year for the Super Bowl due to the economy. I'm sure it's a one in a billion chance but maybe, just maybe we'll see a really, really low budget commercial like this Carvel commercial for Cookie O Puss from 1982.

What? A guy can dream can't he?

Breakfast Club, Johhny Bender and REALLY Bad Acting

It's pretty rare when you see a scene in a movie and not only is the dialogue terrible, but all of the actors in the scene are God awful. This is the case with this scene from The Breakfast Club. And talk about melodrama when Judd Nelson* freaks out at the end....what a friggin' baby.

Come to think about it, Michael Anthony Hall isn't that bad in this scene. Not great, but not bad.



*I also have a problem watching Judd Nelson because of his huge, cavernous nostrils.

Pac Man Fever - Video Game Song That Never Should Have Been Made.

Isn't it great when you hear a song and it brings back some great memories? Sometimes it's even a cheesy song. It doesn't matter. Then once in a while you hear a song and it just pisses you off because there was no need for it. Take for example the crappy song Pac-Man Fever by Buckner and Garcia. View the Youtube Video here.

So here's the really scary part. In addition to singing about Pac Man, these Buckner and Garcia characters also wrote songs about Donkey Kong, Footprints in the Sand and a song called, "E.T. I Love You". Huh?

I think I feel sick. If you want to learn more about these guys, here is their website.

Damone From Fast Times At Ridgemont High - Classy Tips.

So everyone chimed in about The Outsiders on my last post. Now you want to talk about a real movie from back in the day, check out (again) - Fast Times at Ridgmont High.

In this clip, Damone gives his five point plan on how to treat women.

1) Never let on how much you like a girl.
2) Always call the shots.
3) Act like wherever you are, it's the place to be.

Can you name his steps four and five? Smooth.

Sometimes In These Crazy Times We Forget The Special Things

Never forget.....

The Lost Saucer *


Sure. Everyone remembers Dr Shrinker and Bigfoot and Wildboy from the Krofft Supershow but to tell you the truth, I've never heard The Lost Saucer brought up in conversation. And I talk to a lot of people too! I wonder why?

*10 points to the dummy that can name the Jim Nabors and Ruth Buzzi characters.

Who Wants To Play The Love Boat Game?

I wonder what washed up actors will show up on this week's episode of the Love Boat?

Here's how to play: Write up to three names in the comments section of actors you think will be in this episode of The Love Boat. Then, come back up and watch the Youtube clip.

Did you win? If you did, that means you were a loser growing up watching this while the rest of us cool people were out drinking beer. Congratulations!