Man Clutches Heart At Exton Kmart

So I had to take the dreaded trip to the Exton Kmart the other day to look for some lettuce seeds and I pass this Halloween thing pictured above. I'm looking at it and all of a sudden - and I mean all of a sudden it starts to move and the hands pick the head up out of it's neck socket. It then says something like, "I believe I'm losing my head" or something stupid like that.

Well, it completely catches me off guard and I kind of jump because the sudden movement and sound scared me in the wastelands of the Exton Kmart. I can't remember if I vocalized a mini scream, "ahhh" or not. All I know, just like when you trip and you have to look to see if anyone saw you, I turn around and this old dude is looking at me. I felt like saying,

"Listen old timer. I'm not afraid of this cheese ball monster. Something could have fallen off of the shelf and I would have jumped. I thought I was alone in the home and garden section OK? The sound startled me. That's it! You believe me..right?"

I picture the guy meeting up with his wife later in the store.

Old Lady: Did you find the rope Harry?

Old Man: Yeah I got the rope. And I saw one of those fags too.

Old Lady: A homosexual? In Kmart?

Old Man: Must of been one. He sees a scary trick or treat prop and he almost pissed his pants he was so afraid. And he screeched like a girl. But he was clearly a man.

Old Lady: Oh yeah. That was probably a gay.

Inspiration For The Big Dance Fight This Weekend

Sorry, for cutting you off in the last post about the Big Dance Fight this weekend. My secretary came walking in and my pants were off so I had to put them back on. ...Anyways, back to the dance fight.

Here's a Kmart commercial from the 1970's or 1980's that I'm gonna play to get my crew in the mood for dance fight blood that's gonna be happening this weekend. If we're short on dancers, I might pull the Pied Piper bit that this guy in the video is doing. But instead of arriving at the savings place, the dancing zombies that follow me will be ending up in a deadly hornets nest - of DANCE FIGHTING!*



*if some of the dance fighters try to leave once at the fight, I might give them the incentive of a fee pair of Kmart stretch slacks.