HAHA! Remember This Career Killing Video? Fem. Billy Squiere.

Remember this Billy Squiere video that literally killed his career because he looked like such a fem?

Dear God is this embarrassing. Also, try watching it with the sound off.

Worst Book Covers. Lezbo Horse Stories. Basset Hound Hair.

Let's take a look at some book covers. Here we go....

I can see making a lamp out of your grandmother but this is widicalous! 

I swear I'm not making this up but when my son was five my aunt sent this to my son as a present. "OK I'm going to read this to you but do not...I repeat DO NOT ever call a black person Sambo. You're five now so I'm trusting you to listen."

Gay time eh? Looks like the guy painting is the "butt" of the joke...Naaaaa. Naaaaaa. Naaaaaaaaaaaa.

What the?? Ahhhhhhhhh! I'd like to get this book and sneak into people's houses and wake them up while holding this a foot from their faces.

Now DIS I gotsta read!

Man: Baby don't walk away...baby! Jesus has something he wants to tell you!

Little Person Satan: Excellent. She's falling right into my trap.

Is John Travolta A Homosexual? Proof. Staying Alive.

Is John Travolta indeed a homosexual? That is the question that everyone is asking. So I decided to do a little research.  I started with the video of Greased Lightening....

And it's kind of hard to tell if he is gay from the video. I can tell two things. One, he's really not that great of a dancer. And two, Jeff Conaway is an public nuisance. 

So I did a bit more digging and came across a picture of John Travolta from Staying Alive. And after looking at the picture I can conclude that he is indeed....a homosexual. 

The proof...

is in.....

the pudding....

You're Not Going To Believe Bruce Jenner's Outfit. Village People.

What. The. Hell??

Look at Bruce Jenner's outfit in this Village People movie. I swear this dude Hick Nut that lived in my neighborhood wore that same outfit in 8th grade. Jesus Christ. The half shirt. The tight shorts. And he always would say, "Did you see that girl? She was staring at my huge bulge."

OK. Back to this clip. As you know, there were no gay people in the 70's but when the Village People peek into the guy's locker room something seems a bit....how do I say this?..."Off." Do you know what I mean?

I don't know. Maybe it's just my imagination.

And do you think when people asked Bruce Jenner what the Village People were like he said, "Oh great guys! Super! A bit 'touchy' but....."

Chester County Blogger Declares This Video Swishy. Neil Sedaka.

Uh yeah. So uh...the thing is uh.. Neil Sedaka claims to be straight but this is some of the gayest shit I've ever seen. With the hips and the mom jeans... I mean come on now. Out of the closet with you already.

And this is from The Midnight Special too. How disappointed do you think you would be if you showed up and saw this nonsense?

Thoughts on A Few Flamers Like Carson Kressley And Paul Lynde.

I'm sickened that Carson Kressley is going to be on Dancing With A Star. Sickened.

And does that make ME gay? That I care about who is on Dancing With A Star? Probably not. Because look...I think it's called Dancing With "A" Star. "Star" being singular. Which means I probably don't watch the show. Which means...I'm probably straight.

Anyways, back to Carson Kressley. I just can't stand that dude. He's totally full of himself. Just rubs me the wrong way. And no...not because he's a total fem. But on the subject of fems I can't stand do you know who else I despise? Cojo! I hate that dude! He thinks he's hysterical. I hate him! Here he is:


OK. You're probably thinking I'm a homophobe. I will now prove that I'm not. Because here's a flamer I love. I give you...Richard Simmons. But Richard. Please. Can you get a new pair of shorts? It's been 25 years.


Another gay I also love Paul Lynde. Who are YOUR favorite gay people?

The Ritual I Have When It Comes To Baths.

If you follow me on Twitter you know that I enjoy the manly habit of taking baths. Here’s my ritual:

Boil two large pots of water. This way, the bath starts out super hot and you don’t run out of hot water as you drain the warm and add more hot water during the bathing event.

Put a beer in the freezer for about 20 minutes. This will ensure that it stays cold as it sits on the side of the tub. Make a bourbon or scotch using as much cracked ice as will fit in a glass.

Prepare some snacks. Sometimes I’ll make a small plate of cheese, almonds and hot pepper slices. I bring a toothpick in so I can stab the cheese and pepper slices. But make sure to eat the cheese first because it will start to melt from the steam in your bathroom.

Get reading material. I like to get a book and a few magazines. It’s nice to have choices.

Pen and paper. In case I “think of anything I need to write down.” Like a tweet or a blog post idea. Or an invention.

Droid. IMPORTANT: Do NOT hold over the tub. I dropped mine in the first week I had it and ruined it. You will need the droid so you don’t miss any important mentions of you on Twitter.

As I stated at the beginning, as the water goes from hot to warm, drain a bit of the water out and add more hot water. Swirl it around.

Things that are NOT part of my bath ritual: Lighting candles. Wrapping my hair up in a towel. Using bath beads. Although I did receive “lavender bath salts” for Xmas as a gift but I’m not sure I’ll use them because my Twitter friend @MrsMushiMushi told me a guy friend of hers used them and they somehow “burned his nuts.” Although she did go on to say that he only had one nut so maybe he already had some issues. In the nut area.

Confession. I Bought Something At Chess King in 1981.

Whoa! Look at sweet Michael Jacksonish jacket that was available at the Chess King retailer in 1983!

I was always a jeans and flannel shirt guy until about 11th grade. That's when I decided to look inward and try and figure out what the ladies would like to see me wear. That's when I headed down to the local Chess King and opened my wallet and purchased a "stylish shirt" with my own money.

I remember it was blue and white checks and had some weird collar thing going on. But there was loud club music playing so they had to know what they were talking about. Right? (Even though at the time I hated that music.)

So I put it on the first time - unveiling my new look - and my oldest sister says, "Why are you wearing that blouse?"

"A what?"

"That girl's blouse. That's a girl's shirt. You can tell because the buttons are on the opposite side and it's a girl's pattern."

"Shut up!"

"It is!"

I'm not sure if she was just messing with me but I went upstairs and looked in the mirror and came to the conclusion that this was the gayest shirt I ever saw. So I took it off, put my flannel back on - probably over a Doors t-shirt - and returned it to the store.

My new look would have to wait.

When I Hear Renaissance Faire I Run For The Hills. B101 Bee.

Renaissance Faire?

Schmenaissance Fair!

I love festivals and fairs but the kind I don't like is a Renaissance Faire. Like the PA one that's now going on.

And it's not that I don't like the Renaissance. I do. I just don't like bad actors approaching me and talking in a terrible Old English accent and I'm supposed to play along.

It's like when a dude in a costume - like the Bee from radio station B101 wants to high-5 me. It's a dude in a bee costume. I ain't playing along you dick.

One time I was in a supermarket and I was really hungover and I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and guess who it was? The fucking Bee. And he was just standing there waving at me. So I just go, "What's up?". Then turned back around. So there's been bad blood between the two of us ever since I guess.

That is all.

Oh, yeah. One more thing. Look at the dude in the picture gnawing on the turkey bone. Repulsive. And you know he's all, "Oh my King this turkey leg hath to be the most splendid tasting bird in all the land!"

Shut it!

Ryan Seacrest ISN'T Gay? That Make Me Mad. Julianna Hough.

I really thought American Idol's Ryan Seacrest was gay. And he's not because he's going out with hottie Julianne Hough!

Whaaaa???

I really am surprised. And kind of pissed. Because gay or not he's a total douche.

End of post.

Some Dude Commented On My Eight Is Enough Post. TV Songs.

I love getting random comments on my blog from Anonymous people.

It's usually from people that don't have blogs but they find my blog through a Google search. And they're always pissed off.

For example, take a look at this post when I discussed the theme from Eight is Enough.

And here's the comment I got last night:

"No offense, but everyone who has made a degrading comment about the 8 IS ENOUGH theme song has done so for a lack of insight and are products of our seedy pop culture. The song was nice and so was the show. I'm a Judas Priest fan, for heaven sake, and even I can see that. Incidentally, in latter seasons I think they re-recorded the theme song and Goodeve throttled back on the vibrato and the song was'nt as hyper-pure sounding as it had been, and was better. And nevertheless, that show was your last crack at the wholesomeness of the American dream being prime-timed across your screen, so happy sailing if you really think that's a good thing. You freaks probably like hip-hop."

Uhhh. Yeah OK buddy.

I'm Sick Of People Saying I Can't Use My 70's Version Of Gay. Words.

On Twitter the other day I tweeted something like, "I can't believe I'm watching American Idol again. Why am I so gay?"

And someone chimed in that I shouldn't use a phrase that's "so offensive". I think the guy was gay but I'm not sure.

Really?

I've been using the word gay since the 70's and I'm not stopping. The way I'm using it is not saying that I have hatred against gays. The meaning of gay that I'm using has been around before anyone was even out of the closet. So if you ask me, it's MY word and the gays need another word for themselves. Give me a break.

What about when gays make fun of someone that isn't gay that has a terrible sense of fashion? Is THAT hateful gays? Hmmm? Some of the funniest people I've met are gay but there are a group of gays that take offense to everything.

I have very little hate in me for any group. None really. I just like making fun of people. Anyone. Including myself. So when you can say you NEVER make fun of any group or person, that's when you can get on my case for using the word gay.

If you think about it, anything you say can be taken as being mean. And you know what? I don't care. And I'm tired of every word, phrase and expression being analyzed.

That's the end of my rant. (I've had a few too many Victory Beers)

Colhoun My Neighbor and Andy Richter. You Gotta Be.

Check out this short clip of Andy Richter doing "You Gotta Be".

He just cracks me up. He kind of reminds me of my neighbor Calhoun*. Just look at him. Well, you don't know him but this is what he looks like kind of and these are the kind of dance moves he'd do to this song.



*You know Calhoun. He's that fool I play darts with up the street. And I suspect he's the one that called me a Douche bag a few posts ago. Of course mangled the spelling. And you know me and my spelling. It's gotta be perfect.

Worst Impressions. Gay Christmas. Julie Andrews.

What. The. Hell. Is. This?

Worst impressions ever.

Soul Train, Racists, Philly and Dancing To Gladys Knight.

Hello racists. Well, I shouldn't say that. Yet. The only racists are the people that don't leave a comment about these snazzy Soul Train dancers movin' it to Gladys Knight.

And I WILL be taking names of the people that don't leave a comment. I will then take the names to the worst part of Philly..uh..I mean the blackest..I'm not trying to say that the blackest is the worst, I'm just trying to say....

....OK. What I'm saying is that I'm bringing the list of non commentors to an area of Philadelphia that has a lot of black people and I'm going to show them the list with YOUR name on it. The list will say, "List of Racists".

I do hope I find an area that the black people are wearing these clothes because I'm going to join in,

(Turns off boom box. Dancing stops) "Excuse me! Black people. I'd like to dance with you. I know I'm white but let me have a go at it. Then when I'm done, I have a list of people that you might want to beat up because they don't like black people. Alright? Everyone stop staring at me and lets get down! And boogie! "

*The blacks see me dance and then I tell them that I'm going to stop at the local Big Brother office and become all of their big brothers. They then carry me off, singing "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow" and we celebrate with a meal. NO, not chicken you racists. ...well, there might be SOME chicken there but....*

So go ahead, leave a comment. Who was your favorite dancer? What clothes do you like?



(and does anyone think that the brother at 1:22 might possibly be gay?)

Do you want to see another TBY post about soul train, click here.

The Whitest Thing Ever. Lawrence Welk and Mickey Mouse Mambo.

I wonder if on the Lawrence Welk show, they ever said,

"Cut! CUT!...You people are way to rock and roll, you're way too negro and you're way too straight! I need this dance to be Lawrence Welky, white and GAY!..NOW HIT IT!...

..and then this was the result. Ladies and gentleman, I give you the Mickey Mouse Mambo.

Real Dream I had About Roller Skating. Seinfeld Was There Too.

So here's the weird dream I had last night.

I was at a roller skating rink that was located inside of a private amusement park. They only let people who are great roller skaters onto the rink but other people were allowed to watch us.

My Nana was there - who died years ago but just about when I was going to say something to her my older sister says, "Oh my God. Your tie is tied so tight it's making your head look like a light bulb!" *

A light bulb?

I was like, "What do you mean it looks like a light bulb? What does that even mean?"

Then I asked my younger sister if my head looked like a light bulb and she said, "It actually does."

Meanwhile, my Nana was trying to get my attention. Just when I was about to say something to her I heard screams. It turns out that as people that had died were showing up at the roller rink, other people in the area were dropping dead. I guess to even things out. Who know?

And just as everyone was focused on all this craziness, someone says, "Look, Jerry Seinfeld and his family are at the park. But don't say anything to them, they want their privacy".

What does this dream mean? Does it mean....does it mean I'm gay?

*I have no idea why I was wearing a tie to roller skate instead of a royal blue satin jacket that says, "Born to Skate" - dreams are crazy like that.

This Video Is So Gay But You'll Laugh Out Loud. Bobby Lee.

This Bobby Lee video from MAD TV will have you cracking up.

Bruno did a similar thing on his new movie but whatever. It goes on a bit too long but I'll bet you'll be laughing.

..And Everybody! Richard Simmons Getting Pissed Video.

Check out my man Richard Simmons getting pissed:

Fat Bottomed Girls. Queen. Bloggers And Dr Zibbs.

Happy Friday. The Friday Send Off Song is dedicated to Phat Mama since she mentioned me in a post. I'm not really sure if she's fat or not so no disrespect but the song is Fat Bottom Girls by Queen.

Why don't YOU mention me in a post. Give it at try. Don't be shy.

Crank it up and enjoy! TGIF!



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