"I Almost Crapped My Pants" - A True Story.
So I've seen a few stories about people crapping their pants on various blogs lately and to show that I'm as human as the next guy, I will share this story. Below is the story if I had written it in a diary on a train.
Dear Diary,
The meeting in New York at Avon went great today. My product presentation went as planned and Marketing did a great job as well. They even had me go through a soon to be released catalog and asked me to brainstorm ideas for some line extensions. They were impressed.
Yeah. Perfect until IT happened. We left the meeting and went to lunch. And as we're walking back to Penn Station...this is embarrassing but I had the sudden feeling like I was going to shit my pants! What Diary? No you can't just "go into a building and go to the bathroom in New York you hay seed".
All of the buildings have security, plus we were late for the train and I didn't know that new chick from Marketing well enough to tell her that I need to get to a bathroom because I'm going to shit my pants.
Trust me, the situation went from bad to code red. I was thinking about lies that I could say,
"A friend of mine works here. I'm just going to catch the next train to Philly. Yeah I know we all drove from the office to the train station. It's OK. I'll just walk the 45 miles home from Philly."
I swear I found religion that day because I was praying to whoever would listen that if they got me through this, I'd be a better person. I had to. There would have been no hiding it. I was about to explode. I was thinking that if it happened, I would say that I have cancer. What? People with cancer don't lose control? I don't know! Did I tell you that it was a code red? And I couldn't think straight?
So as we're walking, I'm trying to look for any building that I could duck into. I'm saying, "Please, please, please don't let this happen! PLEASE!" And I'm starting to sweat. I hardly ever sweat!
Anyways, it was a miracle because somehow, someway, things subsided. The bubbling stopped. I'm now sitting on the train. Safe. And will now have a greater respect for life. And I will try to be a better person and...HEY...look at that bum with the Mr T shirt!...Bwahahahahahhaa.
