Wednesday, September 23, 2009

CONTEST! Dead People. Classy Lawns.



WE'VE GOT AN IMPORTANT CONTEST HAPPENING OVER HERE.

I saw one of those "Lordy Lordy - look who's Forty" lawn things the other day. You know, where it's a big wooden cow then 40 little cows. Hmm....real clever.

They also have them when you have a baby with a bunch of little storks.

Well I have a better idea. It's probably really uncomfortable when a loved one dies and you have to tell all of your neighbors. Sure, you can go door to door and tell them or leave flyers in their mail boxes but do you know how time consuming that is? You're going to be plenty busy deciding if your loved one is only worth getting carnations for the funeral and searching your home for any hidden money the deceased may have stashed away. Greedy bastard.

Wouldn't it be much easier to display crappily painted wooden lawn art out front to announce that someone died? Sounds easy to me. Here are a few ideas:

- Grim Reaper running after person with caption, "You can run but I'm gonna catch you!"

- Miniature coffins.

- Angel, Devil and huge wooden question mark. Painted on the question mark are the words, "You decide". Maybe there can be a ballot box so neighbors can decide if they think the person is going to heaven or hell.

- Cute baby holding up finger with caption, "He was only dis old". (Sure, the baby might have 73 fingers but the whimsy of the piece will help to cheer people up during this difficult time).

These are just a few I came up with. I need to think of some more. Do you guys have any ideas?

This is where the contest part comes in. I will write, "(insert your name here) won the contest!" in the comments area. You can then print out my congratulatory comment and proudly frame it in your home.

Good luck!

21 comments:

KendallJaye said...

I like the idea of a big sign featuring a halo and a pitchfork. The wording could be: "Yeah, we're not sure which direction he went either."

Dr Zibbs said...

Kendall - hahahaha. Good one.

T-Ro said...

How about a checkered flag w/ the person's name underneath?

Pretty clever, right?

Dominica said...

You're bad but GOOD ! LOL

Blonde Goddess said...

I've always wanted to make a sign that says,
"Keep out if you're preaching about Gomorrah and Sodom!
We like to fornicate and we swear and drink A LOT!
Keep your holier-than-thou attitude and shove it in your bottom! Violators will be sodomized and then turned into a pillar of salt."

Frankly I'm tired of Jesus police and Jehovah's Witnesses that come to my house trying to "save" us. Living in the Bible belt is liking being in hell...seriously.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

You could also come up with some crappy yard art for losing ones virginity. I'm thinking a cherry with a needle lodged in it with something like "Adrian did it!" and the date.

SkylersDad said...

How about a doctor cutout scratching his head and saying "Hmmm, I guess he really WAS sick."

Del-V said...

In Baltimore, where I live, we just leave our deceased family member’s bullet ridden body outside the house for several days until the city coroner picks it up.

Prunella Jones said...

These are good ideas. I love the virginity one. And how about a sign in the yard warning people when a chick inside is on the rag? It could be in the shape of bloody tampon with a warning tag like, "Just Leave Some Chocolate At The Door And Get Lost!" I know I would buy one of these. It would save me from having to scream so much.

diane said...

I really like your Angel/Devil idea, you know how much people like to get their word in.
(laughing at Pru's comment)
Cute Hubby gets annoyed by the cute little signs people put up that say things like "Hope Farm" or "Blessed Acres". He said he'd like to put up a sign that says "Your bloody tourist head on a pike Farm".

Dr Zibbs said...

Mjenks and SkylersDad - DOTS A GOOD VON!

The Jules said...

Could you personalise it to represent the method of demise. You could do a lot of standard bed bound ones, quite a few car versions, some pandemic announcements and the occasional special edition, with a personal message.

"Joanne developed a fatal allergy to high speed trucks."

"Dave died as he had lived. In the mechanism of an escalator."

Dr Zibbs said...

Sweet.

Jan @ Struck by Serendipity said...

I'd just buy a nice car with the proceeds and personalize the license plate, "WRTHMORDEAD." I guess I'd have to appreviate it a bit.

Son of a Thomas said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Son of a Thomas said...

You know, I have like 5 good half of an idea(s) for this. I just can't seem to pull the trigger on any of them.

I'm going back to my beer.

Dr Zibbs said...

MJenks, YOU are the winner.

Chris said...

Love the ballot box idea!

~E said...

A Jesus statue (like the one from Dogma) wagging his finger and saying "guess you believe in me now dontcha?!?!"

~E said...

Oh...also

"told you I was sick!"

or

"relax, I wasn't contagious...I think."

Dr Zibbs said...

~E - Nice.