Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Stupid Invention My College Roommate Came Up With. Toothpicks.



One of my roommates in college was an idiot. I come into the room one day and he’s like, “Can I show you something?”

I’m like, “Yeah OK.” I could tell he was excited.

He walks over to his desk and comes back with a folder. “I’ve got an idea for an invention.”

I’m kind of thinking, “Oh no. This is gonna suck.”

The pitch begins. “So do you know how toothpicks are just plain. Like just wooden? They’re just small, boring sticks really. But what if you had this?” He pulls out a piece paper with a colorful toothpick drawn. Kind of like a candy cane. But tooth picky. “Flavored toothpicks!”

“Oh really?”

He proceeds to show me his various designs. He even had measurements drawn out. As if people don’t know how big a toothpick is. He’s all excited. And I’m thinking, “This is the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.” He then goes onto show me a list of manufacturers that he’s planning on contacting. *thought bubble over my head: please record the calls. Please record the calls.*

I’m like, “Not to put you down Dave but I’ve worked at restaurants and they buy toothpicks and matches….all that stuff in bulk. I bet a restaurant orders toothpicks once every five years. And they probably order them from a place that supplies them with tons of other crap, like matches, straws..you know.”

“Yeah but they’re not FLAVORED toothpicks.”

“To tell you the truth, I don’t think anyone cares. Think about it. It’s kind of dumb.”

“Yeah? You don’t know!” He puts his papers back into his invention folder and storms away. It was never mentioned again.

And NO, he’s not a toothpick tycoon now. I guess I killed the dream.

17 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

Yup. Big Dummy!

Cowguy said...

Thank God you didn't room with the Charmin brothers...

Dave said...

dick

Dr Zibbs said...

Cowguy - HAHHA

Dave - true

Moooooog35 said...

The guy would be a zillionaire.

1) person gets food in teeth
2) gets flavored toothpick
3) toothpick is DELICIOUS so person starts chewing on it
4) person gets toothpick bits stuck in teeth
5) gets another toothpick to get out the toothpick bits

Rinse. Repeat.

It's like a self-building pyramid scheme.

Anonymous said...

@trinalikeswine Poor guy is probably in a clock tower somewhere muttering "Zibbs" as he tries to pick food out of his teeth.

Dominica said...

What an idiot ! Any dentist will tell you to floss and use those plastic toothpics to 'CLEAN' your teeth, not to put extra sugar and food between them !
Then again @Moooooo35 has an interesting approximation to his idea ...
You will always have other idiots that will find these flavoured toothpics the best next thing to sugar canes ; I can already picture those people ; dressed in sweatpants with a belly hanging over their 'tools', shopping at Walmart ..

Jessica said...

Why couldn't you have been friends with the ShamWow guy (or any of the other crazies peddling their crap on TV)?

TC said...

maybe I'm missing something but how did he not already know that flavored (note American spelling just for you) toothpicks already existed? I've gnawed on a good HoJo cinnamon toothpick or two in my time...

diane said...

So according to TC you're off the hook, whewww.

Alice said...

I've actually HAD a mint flavored toothpick and it was delightful. lol So there.

sybil law said...

Yeah -I remember mint toothpicks, too!

Son of a Thomas said...

What about napkins. Flavored napkins!!!!

Dr Zibbs said...

Son of T - Flavored napkins eh???...

Cora said...

Well, I dunno, they make flavored dental floss, so maybe he was onto something. You should be ashamed. But you're not, are you? That's why I heart you.

:-P

Chelle said...

They're totally already invented.

Last week, I thought I'd invented antibacterial toilet paper, but it's been invented already, too.. bastards.

Dr Zibbs said...

Chelle - I know but they don't have candy cane patterns like his did.