Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Paaaartayyy!! Crazy Weekend Highlights At Penn State.



I usually hate walking into a bar with friends when it’s wall to wall 21 year olds. We usually just turn around because you feel like an old fart*. Usually …..

The exception was this past weekend. I went up to Penn State with a few friends to see a band. The band we were supposed to see was on Saturday at 9:30 so we thought we’d go into town and “walk around, maybe see if there’s a Penn State sporting event happening so we ‘stay out of trouble during the day’”, as Bill said. Well THAT didn’t happen.

As we drive into town we see hundreds and hundreds of college kids walking around wearing green. It turns out there’s an event called “State Patrick’s Day” and it’s a HUGE all day party.

So we park our car near the fraternity that my two friends went to and decide to go inside. We walk in the door – this is at 12:30 in the afternoon - and there are literally 200 drunk college kids in the frat house. DJ blaring music. People dancing on tables. A dude passed out drunk on the couch. Another dude walked past me, tripped up the steps and fell into the wall head first.


The dude in the hat on the table is my main man

Basically. It’s insane. It’s what you’d expect at 2 AM on New Year’s but it’s barely past noon.

Now here’s where it gets really nuts. We of course stand out like sore thumbs because we’re not wearing green. AND we’re the age of their Dad’s. Or their really, really, really, really older brothers. So they start coming up to us and ask who we are. My friend’s says, “Alumni.” As soon as they say that everyone goes crazy, “What? You are? Let’s parttttyy!” And we basically become celebrities. Everyone wants to party with us. People randomly come up to meet us. We’re laughing our asses off at the absurdity of what’s happening. The entire time laughing and saying, “Is this really happening?”

We roam upstairs and there are people in every room. We get high fives from everyone as we walk own the hall. We’re handed random bottles to drink from as we pass. We walk into an upstairs game room. 30 heads look at us in shock. Bill says loudly, “Don’t worry, we’re not cops. We’re alumni.” The crowd cheers.

I could go on and on about some of the crazy things but it would make for a really long post. (Plus I likes to keep private). Two highlights were that four lovely ladies came up to us and said, “Can we party with you?”

“Well of course you can my dears.” And we proceeded to not only party….but Par-TAY** Here they are***:



The other really crazy thing was that two curvy coeds (sounds hot huh? Trust me…it was) pulled me out on the dance floor to shake it. Being a good sport I went out to shake my groove thang. And we’re dancing. Then they’re dancing around me. Slinking really. Then they both start bending over and start GRINDING on me. Just as I’m about to grab the hips of the one I remember what my one friend said earlier, “Could you imagine if the cops raided this place and the first thing they see is us? With all these underage kids?” Reality sets in and I exit the dance floor. Seconds before I was violated.

Well that’s all I’ll get into here but it was a craaaazy weekend. And I honestly came THIS close to getting up on the main dance table but thought, what if I slip off and break a hip? Buzzkill.

* Plus they’re not mature enough to really grasp my sophisticated ways.
** Whatever THAT means.
*** God Dyyyyyyaaaaaaammmmn!!

17 comments:

Mrs. Crotchpains said...

Only you Zibbs. Only you.

Peggy said...

Glory Days! Sounds like you had a blast! Glad you didn't break a hip, that might've been reeeeally embarrassing especially in front of those 4 little college hotties hahaha...

TrinaLikesWine said...

Zibbs! You are cwaaaaazzzy! I'm laughing at the table visual...I'd be more embarrassed if I couldn't down on my own..Like needing a lift or something so you don't hurt your knees/back...HAHA!

FellsPoint said...

Did you wear your signature old man tan businessman trench coat too with the belt dangling behind you?

Dr Zibbs said...

Mrs C - I do seem to attract fun don't I?

Peggy - I know. We were saying that the DJ would announce, "THE OLD GUY BROKE HIS HIP!"

Trina - I hear you.

Fells - Haha. Pretty close.

Jenn said...

BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE IT!! ALLLL OF IT! We have to go out dancing fer sher :)

p.s. I identify with the girl that was slinking....hmmmm

Dr Zibbs said...

Jenn - Fer...friggin...sher

CrotchPains said...

How long did it take for your wedding rings to disappear into your pockets? Come on...you know you took them off

sybil law said...

Isn't it so WEIRD now to walk in and feel old amongst the youngins?!
Sounds like a great time, though.
Can't believe you pussed out on the dance stage...

Dr Zibbs said...

CrotchPains - You know that I accidently lost my wedding ring in some guy's butt on a business trip. We've been through this before.

Sybil - I can't believe I did either. Now I regret it. May have to go up next year just to do it.

Whiskeymarie said...

Oh, I don't know- going to jail would have been the perfect ending to this post. And then you'd have the "how I got sexually violated by a guy named Snake in the pokey" post. Oh! And the "jury trial" post. And the "tales from minimum security prison" post...

Oh, the possibilities.

Dr Zibbs said...

WhiskeyM - I heard dat!

TC said...

have you seen this yet?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUfsBDAGRNQ

Colonel ChestHams said...

FUCKING ROCK.

Dr Zibbs said...

CC - Hell Yeah!

Dr Zibbs said...

TC - Haha, No but I love it.

Dr Zibbs said...
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