What's That Horseradish Nasal Thing? Nick's Roast Beef Springfield.

Oh baby I had another Rick's Original Roast Beef Sammie in Springfield the other week. Above is the amazing photo.

My only complaint is that the horseradish is VERY weak. I pile it on because I like to get that thing going where the horseradish goes up your nasal region and kind of chokes you and you're all, "Ahhhh. Ahhhh!"

Is there even a name for that? I think it should be called something like Seabiscuit's Revenge or something. I don't know. What do you think?

Springfield PA Parade Destroys the Good Name of Mr. Peanut

I've seen some crappy mascot costumes but I am calling for the firing of the person in the Planters licensing department that approved this Mr Peanut Costume. This was the horrific scene last week at the Springfield Saint Patties Day parade. I mean, where should I start? Just look at the inferior fabric, the thin font on the hat and the yellow? It's at least three pantone shades light of the correct Mr. Peanut yellow.

And it wasn't just me. As the "Mr. Peanut" rounded the corner onto Springfield Road it was as if people had seen Godzilla. It was pure panic. People freaked and scattered in all directions to seek shelter from this beast. Although there were no deaths in the melee at least one parade goer chipped a tooth. Luckily she wasn't Irish. She was only Hungarian or something.

I hereby am demanding a written apology from Planters (a division of Kraft) and some peanuts. From Springfield I'm demanding a verbal apology, a full page written apology in the Daily Times and a key to the city. Not a big fake key, but a real key that opens up real doors in Springfield.