Turkey Hill Mascot Is Creepily Excellent. Downingtown Flanders Day.

So on the fourth I went to Downingtown's Good Neighbor Day. Or as I recently coined it, "Flanders Day".

It was pretty much a Hey Diddly Don't until I turned around and saw this guy coming round the bend:

It's the Turkey Hill Turkey. Look how craptacular it is!

He was sneaking up on some kid and he tapped the kid on the shoulder and I swear the kid almost shit his pants when he turned around. Seriously. Take a closer look...

...(Are you back?) And if you don't tell anyone I'll let you in on a little secret. (Shhhh). Do you see the neck on the Turkey Hill turkey? Look a bit closer. That's where I think the actor's eyes are.... Don't tell anyone though. Especially the kids.

Now this picture isn't mine but I do have a collection of crappy mascots on my computer. The crappier - the better. Maybe I'll share them with you someday.

And one more thing. Whenever those freaks approach me it kind of pisses me off because you're supposed to play along and pretend there's really not a person inside. I usually just start laughing because it's so weird.

And sometimes flee.

West Chester Pike Michelin Man Might Scare Stupid People Or Foreigners.

(talking in a foreign accent) "Run for life! Run for the life!"

A bet that's what a really stupid person or a foreigner might scream if they saw this Michelin Man that is positioned very scarily over this hill on West Chester Pike.

I mean, I know they've got to sell tires but is it worth the risk of frightening the stupid and people from different lands?

I'm not sure.

Dude At WCU Not Getting Laid This Semester

WCU Student: Do I have to wear the carrot costume?

West Chester Restaurant Owner: Yes, when you were hired to work the cash register, we told you that our staff - on a rotating basis - is asked to wear the carrot costume, go down to the college and hand out fliers.

WCU Student: Can I cover my face with a black, thin sheath so people can't see my face.

West Chester Restaurant Owner: No. Too Dangerous. You could trip.

WCU Student: What if I cut out holes where the eyes are and wore glasses?

West Chester Restaurant Owner: And ruin the integrity of the carrot? Absolutely not.

Click the picture to get a better look at the shame.

Springfield PA Parade Destroys the Good Name of Mr. Peanut

I've seen some crappy mascot costumes but I am calling for the firing of the person in the Planters licensing department that approved this Mr Peanut Costume. This was the horrific scene last week at the Springfield Saint Patties Day parade. I mean, where should I start? Just look at the inferior fabric, the thin font on the hat and the yellow? It's at least three pantone shades light of the correct Mr. Peanut yellow.

And it wasn't just me. As the "Mr. Peanut" rounded the corner onto Springfield Road it was as if people had seen Godzilla. It was pure panic. People freaked and scattered in all directions to seek shelter from this beast. Although there were no deaths in the melee at least one parade goer chipped a tooth. Luckily she wasn't Irish. She was only Hungarian or something.

I hereby am demanding a written apology from Planters (a division of Kraft) and some peanuts. From Springfield I'm demanding a verbal apology, a full page written apology in the Daily Times and a key to the city. Not a big fake key, but a real key that opens up real doors in Springfield.