Thanksgiving Miracle Planned By Famous Blogger In Downingtown For Old People.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody. On a serious note, I've decided to "give something back" this year.

Get ready to cry.

I was thinking that while I'm eating a turkey dinner today in a home, some sad sacks will be eating at the Downingtown Old Country Buffet. And you KNOW how pathetic that place is.

For what I'm calling "The Thanksgiving Miracle - The Old Country Buffet Rescue of 2009" I will be going there, and picking one couple - probably old people - and inviting them to have Thanksgiving dinner in a home with their "new family".

I will make it very dramatic and heart wrenching by having one of my handlers announce the Thanksgiving miracle that is about to take place via bullhorn. Full volume. That's right, number 10 with deafening feedback volume. People in the Wegmans will be able to hear it.

I'll also add to the drama by saying, "Maybe it's gonna be you!" and point at someone but then point at someone else. Then I'll say, "You. Come up here." They'll get all excited thinking it's gonna be them but I'll say, "I need YOU to read who is going to receive the Thanksgiving miracle. Because it's certainly not going to be you". Yeah. It's gonna be good.

When I pick the couple it really will be a day that they'll never forget.

But I need your help.

We honestly are really short on chairs so I was thinking that one of you could actually take them back to your home for the dinner. Just tell them that I'll meet them there. They won't know the difference.

Great then. Just let me know if you can do it. I'll have them wear red pinnies and stand out front on the stoop.

Have a great Thanksgiving.

Hemorrhoid Suffers Independence Day

Many of you immature people out there would laugh at someone if they saw them walking into work with a Hemorrhoid Donut. And because the person also might have to carry their laptop, lunch and other junk, they might have to tie a string around it and wear it around their neck until they got to their desk.

They probably get taunted by other workers,

"Yo Flavo Flav - nice clock. No, it's more like Stinky Flav - OH YEAH." Then the taunter turns to the person they're walking next to and puts their palm out because they've earned a high-5 for the 3rd grade level joke they just made up.

Or even worse, they have to put their head through it and wear it like a big assed necklace. Then, you got some dope running to the top of your building and leaning over yelling, "Look at me! I'm the king of the world!" - Like he's Leo DiCaprio on the titanic and you're a drowning Titanic victim because the roid donut around your neck looks like a life preserver.

Well, not unlike Mother Theresa or Bono, I'm a giver. And today, I'm giving this idea - for FREE to the world. What if the hemorrhoid donut manufacturers printed jokes ONTO these cushions? Then, when someone made a joke about the donut, the sufferer could hold up the donut and show people the joke that's written on it. Then instead of being victim of a joke, everyone would be laughing at the NEW joke and completely forget about the donut. I know. Sometimes brilliant solutions are very simple.

OK. I've done my humanitarian work for the day. Now it's up to my readers to take this idea and run with it.