Monday, September 8, 2008

Hemorrhoid Suffers Independence Day


Many of you immature people out there would laugh at someone if they saw them walking into work with a Hemorrhoid Donut. And because the person also might have to carry their laptop, lunch and other junk, they might have to tie a string around it and wear it around their neck until they got to their desk.

They probably get taunted by other workers,

"Yo Flavo Flav - nice clock. No, it's more like Stinky Flav - OH YEAH." Then the taunter turns to the person they're walking next to and puts their palm out because they've earned a high-5 for the 3rd grade level joke they just made up.

Or even worse, they have to put their head through it and wear it like a big assed necklace. Then, you got some dope running to the top of your building and leaning over yelling, "Look at me! I'm the king of the world!" - Like he's Leo DiCaprio on the titanic and you're a drowning Titanic victim because the roid donut around your neck looks like a life preserver.

Well, not unlike Mother Theresa or Bono, I'm a giver. And today, I'm giving this idea - for FREE to the world. What if the hemorrhoid donut manufacturers printed jokes ONTO these cushions? Then, when someone made a joke about the donut, the sufferer could hold up the donut and show people the joke that's written on it. Then instead of being victim of a joke, everyone would be laughing at the NEW joke and completely forget about the donut. I know. Sometimes brilliant solutions are very simple.

OK. I've done my humanitarian work for the day. Now it's up to my readers to take this idea and run with it.

29 comments:

BeckEye said...

My idiot ex brother in law had to use one of those once. His name was Jim, so I started calling him Jimbo Baggins, Lord of the Anus Rings.

Falwless said...

My idiot ex sister in law had to use one of those once. Her name was Kim, so I started calling her Kimbo Baggins, Dutchess of the Anus Rings.

Dr Zibbs said...

Beckeye and F - "Bubble up" on both of those comments. Bubble Up.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Now that's HYSTERICAL!!!!!

Happy Monday!

- Jennifer

McGone said...

And as a Doctor, you could fully endorse the Laugh-o'-the-Day Hemorrhoid Ring! I can already hear the commercials: "When it comes to hemorrhoids, laughter truly is the best medicine..."

philly said...

Funny you should post about hemmroids today. Mine are flaring up a bit. Thought you would like to know

#1

Dr Zibbs said...

McGone - I'll consider that. You're wise despite your small number of monthly blog posts.
Philly - Thanks for sharing.

Mnmom said...

You are truly a great humanitarian. Thank you from the heart of my bottom.

Some Guy said...

I'd be laughing more if my ass didn't currently look like this. (Not safe for work or anywhere else. Click at your own risk!!!)

Falwless said...

Wow.

I'm never ever clicking another link from Some Guy ever again.

Ever.

Anonymous said...

MY EYES!!!!! OHHHH MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!

Dr Zibbs said...

GREAT NEWS: For those wanting to lose weight by not eating for a week, click on Some Guy's link above. All others, run for the hills with your eyes covered!!

Keeper Of All Things said...

Puking....gagging .....
Why?!!!!
Why?!!!!!
For the love of all that is good in the world
WHY?!!!!

and I wasn't going to click on it till I read everyones comments....
curiosity killed the cat......and burned an image I'll never get out of my head!!!

Gwen said...

OMG. I clicked. I had a wad of mostly chewed hot wing pretzels in my mouth, too. I don't think I can eat another one. Ugh. Jesus, some guy, that was awful!

Is that what they really look like? No wonder sufferers need a damn donut. I think printing jokes on them is a great idea now, those people need a laugh. For reals.

Some Guy said...

Sorry you guys had to see that. Perhaps next time you'll heed my warning!

ÄsK AliCë said...

I'm not clicking

Not clicking

Not clicking

Not clicking...

180/360 said...

You are always thinking outside of the box, aren't you?! I think in the case of Some Guy's ass, they totally deserve to haul around a donut. Hell, I'd even give them a donut.

M in SF said...

I think the donut should say "No folks, those aren't grapes coming out of my ass."

gorillabuns said...

Let that be a lesson to all you sitters of the throne.

Mo said...

Why did I click on Some Guy's link? WHY?????????

*burp*

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Oh God...I really don't want to click...but...it'll make me feel like I'm in some exclusive club...

...no...still too scared...(wait, is it goatse? I've seen goatse...)

WendyB said...

I think your joke cushion idea will be worth a fortune. Patent that, pronto.

BeckEye said...

MOM!!! Falwless is stealing my humorous anecdotes again. Tell her to stop or I'll punch her in the cunt.

'Bubbles' said...

Leave it to Chris to make this totally goofball. As if it wasn't already!! This is DEFINITELY TMI, but after I had my first child I knew something was definitely NOT GOOD when I saw the face of the people that checked 'that area'. Their faces said, "Oh God, I wish I had not clicked on that!!"

I changed my approach to the whole thing with the second one.

I know, TMI.... what 'ev.

H said...

So the joke donut would be to avoid "Roid Rage"?

Chris said...

I saved that special Some Guy moment click for when my wife was here to enjoy the splendor.

I think that is beyond inflatable donuts and witch hazel wipes.

Gifted Typist said...

Bottom grapes buddy

Some Guy said...

For the record, that was a picture I grabbed off a Google image search. I would hate for people to think my ass actually looked like that. I find hemorrhoids painfully hilarious. In fact, one of the first earliest posts I ever did was about hemorrhoids:
http://andsomeguysblog.blogspot.com/2006/06/most-taboo-subject-in-world.html

Micgar said...

That was a shocking photo-it just screams out PAIN! (and by the looks of it could actually scream)