Leisure Suit Round Up. 70s Style! (As if there's another style)

Check out these cherry leisure suits. Which is your favorite? 

 "See that babe Mike? She was looking at me. Nothing attracts a woman like a man who knows the value and style that only Sears can offer. It's all about the threads."

Bet you can't pick the one who just got out of jail the week before without changing your mind twice.

Eric: (To big brother John) Hey John  look at the new suit mom got me for the dance. Pretty boss huh??

John:  (Emerges from room. Stoned. Gives younger brother elevator eyes): Fag.

"Excuse me. Excuse me!..Hey.Girl working in the field. ...Hi. I'm Saul. I was just walking down this country lane and thought I'd come over and introduce myself. Wanna have a rap session? I bet you like horses don't you?"

You Want To Touch What Cookie? Wrangler Ranch.

Was telling someone the other day about when my sister worked at the Wrangler Ranch at the Exton Mall. I was in 9th grade and I had to go in to get a pair of jeans.

Her manager was a woman of about 50 named Cookie. She was one of these loud talking, super confident, drill seargent type women. But she was nice. She was just Cookie.

So I go in the store, she's standing there wearing all demin - Wrangler brand of course - and looking like she was ready to go to The Brickette. The Brickette is a local country music bar. And oh yeah. She had that really high hair. It always looked like she just came from the beauty parlour. That's what they used to call it back in those days.

I'm looking at jeans and:

Cookie: Looks like you need to be measured first Mister. Do you mind?

Me: Oh OK.

(She takes the tape measure and wraps it around my waist and measures. Then she gets on her knees so she can do the length)

Cookie: Are you OK with me touching your inseam to get a proper measurement?

(I had no idea what an inseam was)

Me: My what?

Cookie: Your inseam. You know..your crotch region.

Me: Uh....I guess.

Cookie: OK. And the reason I ask Jimmy is because you're a young man. And young men are very excitable? Do you know what I mean here? And even the slightest brush from a woman's hand - or even a tape measure can cause a raging boner. Do you know what a boner is Jimmy? Was that covered in your health class yet?

Me: Uh. Yeah.

Cookie: OK good. Because first thing it's a boner and the next thing you're spewing jizz all over my store. Not on my watch Jimmy. Not on my watch!

OK the last part I made up but she did ask me if she could touch my inseam. So there's that.

Confession. I Bought Something At Chess King in 1981.

Whoa! Look at sweet Michael Jacksonish jacket that was available at the Chess King retailer in 1983!

I was always a jeans and flannel shirt guy until about 11th grade. That's when I decided to look inward and try and figure out what the ladies would like to see me wear. That's when I headed down to the local Chess King and opened my wallet and purchased a "stylish shirt" with my own money.

I remember it was blue and white checks and had some weird collar thing going on. But there was loud club music playing so they had to know what they were talking about. Right? (Even though at the time I hated that music.)

So I put it on the first time - unveiling my new look - and my oldest sister says, "Why are you wearing that blouse?"

"A what?"

"That girl's blouse. That's a girl's shirt. You can tell because the buttons are on the opposite side and it's a girl's pattern."

"Shut up!"

"It is!"

I'm not sure if she was just messing with me but I went upstairs and looked in the mirror and came to the conclusion that this was the gayest shirt I ever saw. So I took it off, put my flannel back on - probably over a Doors t-shirt - and returned it to the store.

My new look would have to wait.

Ebay And Other Things I Forget About Doing. Dewars Shirt I Miss.

I haven't used Ebay in over a year. I used to use it all the time. I'd sell and buy things. I was obsessed with buying AND selling things. You know..stuff.

And how does that obsession go away? For some reason tonight I was thinking about my favorite t-shirt ever. It was a Dewers Scotch shirt. It simply said, "DEWARS" on the front in big black letters. The shirt was a washed out watermellony/red color. And it was one of those distressed shirts. And it was this really soft cotton.

I liked it so much that when it ripped I went on Ebay and bought another one.

Sadly I just went on Ebay and there isn't one available right now.

I guess what I'm trying say is *walks to window and pretends that's he's looking out at this one tree* I'm trying to say that if someone wants to keep a look out on this shirt then buy it for me then...Well, you're OK in my book.