Paul F Tompkins Appears in Dream of West Chester Blogger. Carvel.

The other night I was listening to comedian Paul F Tompkins* on the Doug Benson podcast. Which lead to this weird ass dream:

*cue wavey dream lines*

(I walk into my parents house and Paul F Tompkins is in a wheelchair)

Me: Hey Paul what are you doing here?

Paul: Hey Jim. How are you? I'm just here for your family's pool party.

Me: Well why aren't you out at the pool?

Paul: I didn't want to ask anyone to help me outside. You know..with the wheelchair and all. It's OK though. I can hear them from here.

Me: Oh OK. Hey do you want to split the rest of this Fudgie the Whale cake with me?

Paul: Sure! And that's funny you bring up Fudgie the Whale because I was just reading an article recently about how Carvel almost went out of business.

Me: Really? Why?

Paul: I'm not sure. The article didn't say.

This is when I just kind of froze. Because I was thinking "You read an 'article' about them potentially going out of business and they didn't say why? Seems like you probably just read a blurb on Yahoo but you're trying to convince people that you read an entire article."

I found it kind of sad in a way.

Me: Hmmm. Well Paul, I'm on my way to Delaware to pick up some crawfish but have fun.

Paul: OK. Bye.

*And yes. As I mentioned before on this blog I know PFT in real life from when I did stand up back in "the day." (Note quotes around the words "the" and "day.")

Stand-up Nightmare and Book That You May Like. Comedians.

Yes. I know how to read. I’ve been reading a lot lately as a matter of fact. And one book I’d like to recommend is “I Killed: Top Stories of the Road from America’s Top Comics.”*

It’s basically stand-ups telling their favorite stories from traveling around the country doing comedy. Some of the stories are hysterical.

- Taking a dump in the comedy condo pool.
- Two comedians picked up a drunk chick and had sex with her. They realized the next day she wasn’t drunk. She was actually retarded. Whoops.
- One comedian picked up a chick and brought her back to her apartment. She wanted to be tied up so he did. Then he had to run to his car and get something but when he came back he forgot which apartment she was in. Haha. Guess who is was? Jay Leno! Do you believe that??

Many of the stories are about the nightmares of doing stand-up. Like bombing.

My worst nightmare when I did stand-up was when a fellow comic friend of mine started booking shows. So he booked a show at a college bar near Drexel University in Philly. The problem was that it was the day before Spring break so everyone was out to just party. They had no idea that a comedy show was supposed to even happen so it was like, “Attention everyone. The show is about to start. Hello? Could everyone please keep it down? The show is about to start.”

Oh. And the microphone wasn’t really working so only people five feet away could hear. Everyone was just standing around in groups talking. Drunk. Except five college frat douche bags that pulled chairs up to the front of the stage and as I walked out just started yelling, “You suck. You’re not funny. Nobody is listening.”

Literally the only people that could hear were these five guys. So I was like F this noise and left the stage. The dude booking it was like, “What are you doing? You can’t just walk off stage.”

I was like, “Fuck you Steve. Keep the $20.”

What a joke.

*If you’re local you can check it out of the Chester County Library.

Colhoun My Neighbor and Andy Richter. You Gotta Be.

Check out this short clip of Andy Richter doing "You Gotta Be".

He just cracks me up. He kind of reminds me of my neighbor Calhoun*. Just look at him. Well, you don't know him but this is what he looks like kind of and these are the kind of dance moves he'd do to this song.



*You know Calhoun. He's that fool I play darts with up the street. And I suspect he's the one that called me a Douche bag a few posts ago. Of course mangled the spelling. And you know me and my spelling. It's gotta be perfect.

Comedians of Comedy, Zach Galifianakis on Physical Comedy.

How much fun did these guys have on the Comedians of Comedy Tour? A lot.

Funny and Not Funny - Comedians and TV Characters.

So here's my list of people that I can watch for an hour and not crack a smile, followed by people that crack me up with almost everything they say. Note some of the people listed are the characters that they've played.

This is probably part one as these are people off the top of my head.

Not Funny

Robin Williams

Whoopie

Billy Crystal

John Stewart

Johnny Carson

Bob Sagat

Ben Stiller (unless he's doing impressions)

Shemp Howard (3 Stooges)

Steve Martin (used to be funny)

Jeff Foxworthy

Bob Hope

Yakov Smirnoff

George Burns

Kathy Griffin

Rita Rudner

Funny

Stephen Colbert

Don Rickles

Ricky Gervais

Jack Black

Conan O'Brien

Dr Zibbs

Ralph Kramden

Ed Norton

The Schmenge Brothers (John Candy and Eugene Levy from SCTV)

Larry David

Larry Fine (3 Stooges)

Phil Silvers

Archie Bunker

Groucho Marx

Lisa Lampanelli

Sid Caesar

Rip Taylor Lives On In This Corny Stand-up Video

I don't think he's dead yet by he still lives on. For how stupid comedian Rip Taylor is, I still can't help from laughing at him. I mean - who can forget the $1.98 Beauty Pageant? C'mon people. If you like stupid, corny jokes told by a feminine guy with a toupee on Norm Crosby's Comedy Shop, you'll love this clip. To view it, click the words: Let's get laughin'.