Yes. I know how to read. I’ve been reading a lot lately as a matter of fact. And one book I’d like to recommend is “I Killed: Top Stories of the Road from America’s Top Comics.”*
It’s basically stand-ups telling their favorite stories from traveling around the country doing comedy. Some of the stories are hysterical.
- Taking a dump in the comedy condo pool.
- Two comedians picked up a drunk chick and had sex with her. They realized the next day she wasn’t drunk. She was actually retarded. Whoops.
- One comedian picked up a chick and brought her back to her apartment. She wanted to be tied up so he did. Then he had to run to his car and get something but when he came back he forgot which apartment she was in. Haha. Guess who is was? Jay Leno! Do you believe that??
Many of the stories are about the nightmares of doing stand-up. Like bombing.
My worst nightmare when I did stand-up was when a fellow comic friend of mine started booking shows. So he booked a show at a college bar near Drexel University in Philly. The problem was that it was the day before Spring break so everyone was out to just party. They had no idea that a comedy show was supposed to even happen so it was like, “Attention everyone. The show is about to start. Hello? Could everyone please keep it down? The show is about to start.”
Oh. And the microphone wasn’t really working so only people five feet away could hear. Everyone was just standing around in groups talking. Drunk. Except five college frat douche bags that pulled chairs up to the front of the stage and as I walked out just started yelling, “You suck. You’re not funny. Nobody is listening.”
Literally the only people that could hear were these five guys. So I was like F this noise and left the stage. The dude booking it was like, “What are you doing? You can’t just walk off stage.”
I was like, “Fuck you Steve. Keep the $20.”
What a joke.
*If you’re local you can check it out of the Chester County Library.