Farting In Class Story Reminded Me Of BS Crapping Pants Story.

So I was reading this post on Fancy's blog about when she was in sixth grade and she farted in school and from then on she was known as Farty Four Eyes. She said she was happy that her family moved the following year. Probably to get away from her smelly ass.

Just kidding Fance'.

But it reminded of me of a joke/lie I used to tell people once in a while just to be a dick. It would go like this:

Person: Have you always lived in Pennsylvania?

Me: No. We lived in Michigan until I was 12.

Person: Really?

Me: Yeah. It was really great there but in 6th grade I shit my pants at school. I was in therapy for a few months and was so embarrassed that my family just decided to move East so we could start over again. You know - get a fresh start and everything.

Person: (looking really uncomfortable) Oh...uh...really?

Me: No I'm just kidding. Where are you from?

God I love doing that to people.

Farting and Why I'm Such a Great Friend. The Elevator Story.

So Michelle wrote about farting in elevators today and it reminded me of something that happened years ago in Baltimore.

So we're staying at Inner Harbor with about 10 guys for our annual guys weekend. And my friend Flare had been farting* really bad. I'm talking clear the room, what crawled up you ass and died farting.

So the 10 of us are waiting for the elevator. He had just farted in the room - again - and we're still laughing about it. So the elevator door opens and it's almost completely full. Flare steps in and there's only room for one. The doors start to close. As the doors are almost shut and I point to Flare and say to the people in the elevator, "HE FARTED."

This made me laugh so hard because when the doors are shut, you can't turn around to the strangers in the elevator and say, "You see that's a buddy of mine, we're on a guy's weekend and we're just joking around here and........"

No. You just have to stand there like a dope and take the humiliation.

*For the record, this is the first post I've ever done about farting and I've been blogging over two years.

West Chester Chili Eaters Practice Maturity

That's right. It's time again for the West Chester Chili Cook Off. Tomorrow - Sunday, October 5. And with chili comes a certain by-product. I remember seeing Blazing Saddles when it came out at the Warner Theater in West Chester and the bean scene with the farting had everyone rolling in the aisles.

We're all older know so I'd like everyone to practice a little maturity by watching this clip with a straight face: