Monday, January 26, 2009

Farting and Why I'm Such a Great Friend. The Elevator Story.



So Michelle wrote about farting in elevators today and it reminded me of something that happened years ago in Baltimore.

So we're staying at Inner Harbor with about 10 guys for our annual guys weekend. And my friend Flare had been farting* really bad. I'm talking clear the room, what crawled up you ass and died farting.

So the 10 of us are waiting for the elevator. He had just farted in the room - again - and we're still laughing about it. So the elevator door opens and it's almost completely full. Flare steps in and there's only room for one. The doors start to close. As the doors are almost shut and I point to Flare and say to the people in the elevator, "HE FARTED."

This made me laugh so hard because when the doors are shut, you can't turn around to the strangers in the elevator and say, "You see that's a buddy of mine, we're on a guy's weekend and we're just joking around here and........"

No. You just have to stand there like a dope and take the humiliation.

*For the record, this is the first post I've ever done about farting and I've been blogging over two years.

34 comments:

catherinette said...

I'm guessing you were kind of wishing that his farts were so toxic that someone (either you, or the random stranger) was actually killed to spare you the humilation. Right?

Dr Zibbs said...

Catherinette - ME humiliated? It was Flare that was humiliated.

Slyde said...

some things are timeless..

farts = funny!

Son of a Thomas said...

I once farted so bad my dogs left the room. Word.

TishTash said...

He got his

Always a Bridesmaid said...

I haven't farted since 5th grade.

Cameron said...

I haven't farted since....oops, I farted!

Scope said...

Did he laugh so hard he let one rip in the smell-o-vator?

I've already copped to farting in elevators on my blog, and have two stories worse in my "100 for 100" post coming soon. (Hint: Think "on an up escalator")

But, you want to do it in the empty elevator, so that the un-holy ghost lingers in the chamber, so when the next person gets in, they are trapped and assailed by the mystery methane.

Kez said...

*giggle*

Vic said...

I don't fart. I decompress.

Greta said...

Man, the things I could do with a name like Flare.

J.J. in L.A. said...

"Women don't fart, they toot" as my grandma used to say.

LegalMist said...

About 20 years ago, my next door neighbor had her fiance convinced she never farted, ever. She always had to make up some excuse to leave the room whenever she wanted to let one rip.

I wonder how long they were married before he figured out she was lying about that?

Scope said...

She probably "Dutch Oven"ed him of the honeymoon.

Sassy Britches said...

I have never heard of the un-holy ghost. I'll have to use that. Not that I fart; I'm kind of like LegalMist's neighbor.

diane said...

Who doesn't love a good fart story?
My brother-in-law left a silent but deadly next to my sister in the supermarket, and walked away. Anyone else left in the aisle thought she had done it. Nice.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

farting - such a sweet release.

i think you should write about faring more often.

Argentum Vulgaris said...

Come on guys, farting is serious business.

I always admit when I fart, simply because I would hate people to think I always smelled like that!

AV
http://netherregionoftheearthii.blogspot.com/
http://tomusarcanum.blogspot.com/
http://thingsthatfizz.blogspot.com/

Cora said...

Elevators can be scary places according to Blog World, huh? What with everyone farting in them and Tova jumping up and down in one and breaking it! I'm thinking I'll take the stairs from now on.

Asphodel said...

Yep. Farting is even more serious when your office floor shares a common toilet where you one day witness hearing two people on their individual pots seemingly farting in turns. Twice each.

Fart Attack I tell ya. Dunno how to look 'em in the eye again.

Dr Zibbs said...

Whenever there's a topic about sex the commenters come out of the woodwork. Now the subject of farts? It really tells a lot about you people.

Scope said...

"Tells" or "confirms"?

Cowguy said...

I just laughed so hard I farted.

Queen Goob said...

I think bodily functions are the basis for any and all great humor - but I'm just immature like that.

Next fart blog you may want to consider covering the Dutch Oven.

Giggle Pixie said...

Call me immature, but I still love a good fart joke. Or a good fart "punk", like you did with Flare!! hahahaa!!

My hubby likes to fart in grocery stores and then blame it on me - loudly - so others in the aisle think I tooted.

Yeah, I love him.

Some Guy said...

Two years without a post about farts!? How did you hold it in for so long?

I hope it's not the last. This one cracked me up.

Michelle said...

DUDE!!! I inspired your farting post!!!! WOOHOO!!!! This is inspirational. This is brilliant!!!

I have to come clean with you!!! I fart ALL THE TIME!!! Well, i burp more but i fart a lot!!! I find it quite enjoyable!! Farting that is!!! And come on you do too!!!

Thank you!!!

Love
Stalker

Gwen said...

Why can't you turn around to strangers in an elevator and explain? I mean, okay, he can't turn around because it's crowded but he could certainly have explained that you are on a day pass from the asylum and have no idea what you are even saying because of the meds.

It's what I would have done.

Chris said...

What the fuck stinks in here?

sista #2 said...

We have farting contests. I never win, the guys out-stink me bigtime.

Now burping is a whole nother story. I can burp like a sailor.

peace
#2

Susan said...

Oh my god - that story is hilarious. I can just imagine the silence in the elevator once the doors shut tight! And by the way, farting = excellent blogging content. Really.

Dr Zibbs said...

Hey everyone. It's me, Dr Zibbs.

What the hell's going on in here? Jeez.

ÄsK AliCë said...

I can't burp - maybe if I have something REALLY fizzy I might burp a little but on command? No way. I've tried, trust me!

This story made me giggle

slopmaster said...

I don't see why you should even apologize over blogging about farts, and in fact you should both fart and blog about farting more often.

The story is awesome, just the kind of shit I'd do to my friends, however, you would be cut off if you were my friend. that's not true, I can take a joke.