Message To My Best Friend. Queen. Divorce.

Going through a divorce sucks. It's just sad. People make assumptions that aren't true, it's hard on the kids, you lose almost everything....This has been the worst year of my life.

But It's for the best. And I have no regrets on my decision. And I've been moving on. And I'm ready to start a new life. 

On the bright side I have a best friend that has helped me throughout it. If I didn't have this person I would have probably been in therapy a few times a week or would have had a nervous breakdown. A few of them.

I'll never forget how you've helped me. 

Blogger Sends Other Blogger Photo From Antwerp. Mushi Mushi.

Remember this post a few weeks ago where I showed couches with plastic on them? Well one of my old time blog friends @MrsMushiMushi AKA Dominic (all the way from Antwerp, Belgium) said, "Hey that lady looks kind of like me!

So I said, "Take a picture of yourself in a similar pose and send it to me! Then I'll put it in a post!"

And she did. Here it is (she's the one on the right).

The Time I Put My Foot In My Mouth. Boy Scouts.

Oh my God. How did I forget to post this story about when I totally put my foot in my mouth?... Then shamelessly tried to back pedal my way out of it. Like lamest backpedal ever.

This was a few years ago and I was coming back from a night out with my friend “The Child” and The Child’s college buddy. I met the college buddy maybe 3 times over the years but didn’t really know him well at all. (And to set the picture the buddy was kind of a serious guy.)

We’re driving in the car and a radio commercial for the Boy Scouts comes on. Then this happens:

Me: (in loud, blow hard, sarcastic voice) The Boy Scouts? Phhhhttttt! What about those dudes that are Boy Scouts into high school? Like an Eagle Scout? "Look, I earned my 'Doesn’t want to get laid badge.' Look at meeeee..” You’ve got to be kidding me.

College Friend: (from the back seat) Actually both of my son’s are in high school and really involved in Scouting. I’ve even been a troop leader. We’ve gone on some great camping trips and it’s been a really great experience.

**** SOUND OF SCREECHING BRAKES IN MY HEAD…TOTALLY EMBARRASSED, THE WORST BACKPEDALING BEGINS*****

Me: Really? (acting is if his three sentence statement somehow changed my entire perspective on what I think about being a Boy Scout in high school. Like it was the closing statement in the Scopes Monkey Trial and I finally saw the light) …I didn’t know THAT. Hmmm..I guess scouting can be kind of cool.

Silence from the backseat. Then The Child changes the subject. I look in mirror and see this:

A Special Announcement Concerning A New Blog. Trina.

Let's face it. Blogging isn't what it used to be. What I mean is that the interaction with people is not what it used to me. Twitter is really where it's at for that.

And back in the day I used to promote blogs if I really liked them. Long time readers know this.

Well guess what? My favorite person on Twitter that cracks me up daily just started a blog. I kind of encouraged her to do it. I've done that to a few people that I think are really funny or interesting.

Her name is Trina. You may know her from this blog post the other week. Or this blog post about the Phantom of the Opera mask.

Well, the bottom line is that she cracks me up everyday. So follow her blog and tell her Zibbs sent you. Her blog is: trinalikeswine.blogspot.com . Go ahead. Give it a click!

I Admit It. I'm Addicted To Twitter. Chester County And Beyond.

HI. I'm @DrZibbs and I'm addicted to Twitter. But I really don't feel guilty because I always have my computer on at work and at home and I also have Twitter on my blackberry. So pretty it's pretty much always there. It's great for multitaskers.

When you try to explain Twitter to people that aren't on it they look at you like you're crazy. The way I look at it is that there are hundreds of people in my Twitter network that are talking about stuff. And I can chime in at anytime, usually with a smart ass comment. It's probably like the party lines of the 80's that I never went on because I wasn't a loser...OK..It's probably nothing like that but..

The people I follow are either locals, people that follow my blog, people that are really interesting or funny and some professional comedians and actors that are funny.

On the local scene it's been great. I've probably met about 30 people in the area in real life that are on Twitter. And everyone's been respectful of keeping my Dr Zibbs identity a secret.

On Thursday I was sitting out with my wife at Kildare's in West Chester having some drinks and saw 3 people from Twitter that I've met. Then I saw someone I've never met but introduced myself. It's always great to see the reaction on someone's face when I say, "I'm Dr Zibbs".

Then on Friday I was having a beer with a friend and when he left, I told someone on Twitter to meet me at Ryans Pub. The next thing you knew there were about 10 people there including a few more that I've never met in person.

On my @FatherKelly account I tweet stuff that's intended to be funny. It's a great creative outlet. I've met and have corresponded with some professional comedians that follow me and have told me that they think I'm really funny. So, I've got THAT going for me.

No time to edit this post to make it interesting but there you go. I'll probably think of more things to say and ad them to the comments section.

Serious Dream That I Had. Still Don't Believe In Ghosts. Car Crashes.

It was 4 AM when my wife woke me up last night. I was screaming in my sleep.

I was having a dream that my best friend Jim, that died 9 years ago in a head on collision in Chester County was standing next to my bed.

In the dream Jim was looking at me and he looked sad. I was saying, "Jim, are you really not dead? Are you alive? Answer me!"

And I was reaching for him but he was an inch out of reach. I knew that if I could just touch him I would know that he was not dead.

When my wife woke me up I was in tears because I was so frustrated that I couldn't reach him.

So this morning when she mentioned the nightmare she said that in the night she didn't want to freak me out but reminded me that today is the anniversary of his death.

I still don't believe in ghosts or supernatural stuff but that is a strange coincidence.

Scotch Plains NJ Here I Come. Some Dude Named Steve. Crotch Pains.

So in about a half hour my wife and I are driving up to Scotch Plains New Jersey to visit our friends Steve and Debbie. You might know Steve by his "trying to be clever" name of CrotchPains. He's left comments on TBY. (See what he did there? Scotch Plains became Crotch Pains? ...With the rhyme and all? ..

Do YOU live near the exotic town of Scotch Plains New Jersey? How are you going to celebrate my visit to the region? Are you going to line the streets with banners and flags? If you do, I am so throwing gum and hard candy out to you. Pretend it's a parade.

It should be a good time. Always a great time with the two of them. We'll probably start drinking right away. Then, tomorrow when I get home, I have our neighborhood beer exchange/Eagles game.

I better go hydrate myself.

And if you follow me in Twitter at @DrZibbs, read my twitter feed and pretend YOU'RE on the trip. Come on, lets go!

A Few Blogs To Check Out. West Chester Blogger. Chester County.

I kind of feel like the golden age of blogging is over. It seems like a lot of the bloggers that used to visit and leave comments on my blog have stopped blogging.

There are also so many blogs out there that are so boring that I can't believe people write them. It's even more amazing when you see that they have a huge following. It's mostly those "Mommy blogs". You mean little Sally said something cute? I don't believe you. Please tell me every detail and explain it as if she just solved the riddle of time*.

The best thing about reading someone's blog over time and reading the comments that they leave is that you really get to know the person. People that don't blog really don't understand it and they just roll their eyes when you try to explain it.

Here are a few blogs I'd like to mention:

Son of a Thomas - Chester County blogger that's been following TBY for a long time. Wish he would blog more. Met him a few times. We still need to have lunch again soon. Bubble up.

Skylers Dad - Funny ass commentor. Never met him but long time TBY follower. I'm sure we'd be good friends if we met. King of finding crappy tattoos.

Caffeine Court - Never met in person but it turns out we went to rival high schools. We've discovered though emailing that we know some of the same people. She's also a great Twitter friend. I think she wants to go to the Whiteland Town Center with me and pretend it's the old Exton Drive-In. (P.S. I had a dream about her last week).

And for someone new:

Enough Hats For Everyone Kristen. We found each other recently on Twitter. She's got a great sense of humor and just recently just started blogging. Very interesting take on things. Always great to find funny and interesting people. And she's into horror movies like me.

So go check out their blogs, follow them and tell them Zibbs sent you.

*Wait. Is there a riddle of time? I don't know. There probably is.

What Happens If I Start Getting Stalked By Philly Area Twitter Nerds.

It's pretty cool being a super popular rock n roll superstar blogger...being all fuckin' famous and shit.

And I've done a pretty good job of keeping my identity private.

I do however love meeting other bloggers in person but now I'm running into a problem because of Twitter.

You see, most people that follow this blog - I assume - follow it because they think it's funny. On Twitter however, I already have over 250 followers and many are in the Philly area. But I think many people follow me just because I'm local to them.

Now I know I'm bringing it on my self because I'll tweet where I am but in the back of my head I'm wondering if I'm being watched. Like lets say in a few months I have a few thousand followers and I Tweet something like:

"Forced to go into Exton Kmart. Hey look at the hillbilly with the wolf shirt!"

Then all of a sudden several of the hillbilly relatives, all that are Tweet followers emerge, surround me and try to beat me for dissin' the wolf shirt. Sure, I'll just jump up onto a pipe, do a mid-air somersault and fly out of there but it's the inconvenience. In a pre-twitter world I'd be able to stare at the hillbilly, then approach him and say, "That's a mighty fine wolf on your shirt, is that the Grey Wolf? I think that's a great choice of shirts because you - not unlike the wolf my friend- seem like a leader...of some pack."

And I've intentionally been following people locally so I can see what's going on in the area, possibly meet some cool people and maybe even have them buy things for me. But for what price? What if I meet up with some of these Tweeters and they're complete nerds? Or they expect ME to buy THEM drinks?

What then? I am open to suggestions for how to weed out the people that don't meet these specifications:

Attractiveness - they don't have to be super attractive but I ain't hanging out with no freaks. Especially huge foreheaded people. You know, belugas.

Attentiveness - they understand that I like to dictate the tempo and pace of conversations.

Generous - they understand that I'm very busy so if they're spending time with me, the least they can do is buy the drinks. I will fight and say, "No, let me get this round" but they will be smart enough to say, "Forget it! I insist. Your payment is the words I'm honored to read on your Tweets."

Fashion Savvy - They don't own a wolf shirt.

Any tips?

Recap of Guy's Weekend In Sea Isle City, New Jersey.

So my weekend with the guys in Sea Isle City was great. Here are some random things that happened:

- Lots of card playing but not too much. I'm the only one that doesn't play. I did play a game called Left, Center, Right that is very retard friendly. I didn't win a round.

- Drank shitloads of beer, wine, Crown Royal and Jack Daniel's.

- One friend threw some pallets in the back of his truck on the way down. We burned them in a fire pit. While we're hanging out, this hot chick came up and asked what we were doing and where our wives were. My one friend quickly said, "We're on an all guy's gay weekend". She fell for it. She hung out and drank with us. She was bombed. Then someone realized that she was probably under 21 so we took her beer away. She was wearing a short skirt and you could see her underwear. I pointed that out to her and she said she didn't care. It's funny how one chick can totally change the dynamics of a group of guys. Soon she showed up, all we did was talk to her.

- Laughed our asses off the entire time retelling stories from back in the day. One friend, after telling one practical joke I've done after another said, "You're the meanest person I know". Baby.

- Played whiffle ball on beach.

- Walked to the Springfield Inn (a dive club). Within 10 minutes my friend got kicked out because some drunk asshole said something to him so my friend punched him in the face.

- Tried to find turtles in the bay. Failed.

Overall, a great time with friends I've known most of my life.

That's my quick wrap up since I didn't post yesterday (FIRST TIME IN OVER 10 MONTHS) so I had to write something.

Sea Isle City and People That Don't Have Friends.

Unlike a lot of you that spend all of their time online because they don't have friends in real life I have lots of friends.

In fact, I'll be spending the weekend with about 13 of my longest running friends down in Sea Isle City New Jersey.

Of the 13, eight of them were in my house at Senior Week. That's pretty good. Everyone's done pretty well too. Some of the careers of the lads include:

- lawyer
- commercial banker
- Something to do with the Internet and data bases.
- 8 grade Science teacher
- Something to do with working with the United Nations but we think he's really a CIA agent.
- Helicopter pilot for customs.
- Sales Rep
- DEA agent.
- Stay at Home Dad
- Mime

OK the last one I made up but...

So do any of you have old friends that you still see?

And more importantly, which one of these guys do you think I'm going to fart on first? My bet is on the Science Teacher.

Blogger Breaks Down and Sends Photo To Hot Blogger. Dream Fulfilled.

When I'm sitting on my mighty jewel encrusted, red velvet throne and looking through Facebook I rarely chat with people.

Nothing against my Facebook friends, it's just that the arms of the throne are intentionally very large (for intimidation purposes) and there's not a lot of elbow room for typing. I need to get that fixed. I guess regular chairs sometimes aren't good enough for me.

But last night I saw Miss Alex from the blog Fonzie Sox was online and I decided to chat with her. What a delight. And did I mention she's super cool and hot? And she's into most of the same pop culture stuff that I'm into? Yup.

She's been asking for a picture of me for almost a year. She finally broke me down. It was a picture I had on my computer with me and a bunch of chicks I met one night. And in her words, she said I was smoking hot. Did I mention she was drinking?

To hear what she had to say, click here and follow up observations here.

Various Things About Bloggers That Read TBY. Link Love.

Here are some random things about some bloggers that read my blog. Maybe I'll make this a regular feature. Please visit their blogs and tell them Zibbs sent you. Remember, the more we mention each other's blogs, the more popular our blogs become. But of course it makes much more sense to mention a blog like mine - because it's a famous one. Choose wisely.

- Wendy B is a sweetheart and I love her smile. And she's a great jewelry designer.

- Earl and Slyde are two dudes that are as close to my group of real life guy friends that I know in my blogosphere.

- Ask Alice - is someone that has been absent on TBY for ages but I'm glad she's back. It kind of bums me out the number of people that have dropped out since last fall. I hope she's back for good.

- Jill from Caffeine Court is a long time reader. We're the same age and she went to a neighboring high school. I'd be surprised if we didn't meet within the next year. She lives in the same neighborhood as Springsteen you know.

- I think Scandalous Housewife is sexy. I'm glad that she decided to finally comment on my blog after I guilted her into it.

- I'm offering to help Shawn with her saggy boob issues. Except it's going to be really hard to help without seeing them. I'm a doctor damn it. Maybe she could do one of those construction paper silhouette deals that 1st graders do of their big ass heads. At least it would be a starting point for my diagnosis.

So are any of you fans of any of these bloggers? Also, do you want to be like me? Why don't YOU write a blog post about some other bloggers. Might as well start with highlighting me..just in case you're nervous and all.....

Villanova, Georgetown and Chick with Nice Nipples.

So to my friend Flare that will surely be watching the Villanova Basketball game shortly - I send you this message: Thanks for all the great times when I came to see you at Georgetown especially the first time I was there and I hooked up with that chick with the nice nipples. And I realized that, "Hey, I can pick up smart girls too. I'm not a dummy."

I'm hoping Villanova wins but if they lose, I'm sure you'll be happy. To see a Villanova and Georgetown clip from back in the day, click here.

Bloggers Gwen and Whiskey Marie May Have Been Kidnapped.

It's true. Two of my favorite bloggers in the whole wide world of the universe and neighboring countries Gwen and Whiskey Marie may have been kidnapped! As you may know, Gwen and Whiskey Marie have been blog friends for some time. This past weekend, WM flew to St Louis to meet Gwen in person and stay at her house. Can you imagine that greeting at the airport?

Why do I think they're kidnapped? Well I asked Gwen a few times to leave a message on my Snapvine recorder. She emailed me yesterday saying they were going to but didn't. Then, last night I received the horrifying message. (Click play on the Snapvine recorder located on my sidebar).

What is that garbled mess? I have no idea what they're saying. Is it a cry for help? The message is barely audible so I'm ruling out the kidnapper as someone that works at Radio Shack. I know, I know, that still leaves millions of suspects but it's a start.

And I think we can also rule out anyone that doesn't have access to a feather because they've obviously been tickle tortured by the sound of all that girlish giggling.

If someone could email me a transcript or post it in the comments section I'd apprectiate it.

Dwarfs and Little People. College and Hamsters. Nudeness and Suicide.

I went to college with a dwarf. There. I said it.

And do you know what? I'm not at heightist* Why? Because I put my dorm dwarf friend through the same types of abuses that I put other friends through. I'm serious. I did so much crap and practical jokes in college to friends and am actually proud that I didn't treat him (lets call him Rumpelstiltskin) differently because he was smaller than me. Here are some of the good times we shared:

- I would get on his shoulders and he would run around the halls of the dorm. My feet would be dragging on the floor. Sometimes I would pinch him on the neck. That meant to run faster. He was strong as an ox.

- I would fart in the face of Rumpelstiltskin. It was a lot easier since he was always at ass level but just to be a real stinker, if a few people in the dorm were sitting down in the hall - I would still choose him as my victim.

- I once taped all of his shoes to his ceiling. (I know a little rascal that's gonna be late for class).

- I stole his towel when he was in the shower and when he ran down the hall to his room, I put his towel in the drop ceiling - just out of reach - and had his room mate lock the door. I made sure the door was locked just at the last second. When you can hear that lock click, it makes it more horrifying for the victim.

- When I heard his baby hamsters were dying, I made a mini noose and put it in the hamster cage and wrote a note as if it was left by the remaining hamsters. The note read, "I can't take it anymore. I'm going to kill myself" - implying that it was a suicide. Get it?

Now many of you think that is mean but that's what guys do. See - I told you I had nothing against dwarfs. What abusive things did you guys do to your dwarf friends to make them feel normal?

*Damn it I thought I had invented a word. But someone already made it up.

Facebook, Blogs, Twitter And People I Don't Want To Be Friends With.

Here are some of my thoughts on Facebook, Blogs and Twitter. I've put them in list form for ease of reading and memorization.

1. Almost all of my Facebook friends are bloggers.

2. The few real life friends I have on Facebook are friends that won't blow my cover. And believe me, I have shitload of real life friends. I'm not some loser.

3. My real last name isn't Zibbs but real friends are slowly finding me and requesting to be friends. Some I want to be friends with but most I don't want to because I'm afraid they'll blow my cover. Like mentioning my name in a blog comment.

4. I also don't want to be Facebook friends with people that I haven't seen in years that I never really liked much anyway.

5. There are real life friends of friends that I want to write posts about but I would never be able to if these people become Facebook friends of mine. What am I supposed to do? Mentally keep track of what stories I can't tell? And do you realize I haven't even scratched the surface of things to post about? I've got years of true life stuff that I haven't even touched on yet and I'm already feeling stifled because my sister's now read my blog. Once in a while.

6. I don't have the desire to share my entire life with everyone anyway on Facebook. "Oh you couldn't make it to my party because you were sick huh? Then why do you have those pictures of yourself in Philly on Facebook?" I don't need that crap.

7. Who the hell uses Twitter? More importantly, who gives a crap about what people are doing every minute of the day? Unless of course it's coming from me. Remember about when I was looking at that bird last week? Do people EVER post anything interesting on Twitter? I don't get it. Unless someone has been kidnapped or there's a burgler in their house - Twitter is boring. "OH MY GOD - HE'S COMING UP THE STEPS!"

8. How to you post a link on Facebook so I can do it and promote my blog more? I'm sure it's easy to figure out but I don't feel like figuring it out.

9. I've been debating putting pictures of myself on Facebook because honestly, I'd be frustrated as hell if I read someones blog for a year but had no idea what they looked like. On the other hand, I kind of like the mystery. I just can't decide. If you're a regular reader and would like to be my Facebook friend, send me a request. If you're a real life friend that wants to be my Facebook friend get in line. Then you'll be ready if and when I reveal myelf. And honestly, it's less about keeping the mystery and more about people finding out who I am as I start to write some amazing real life stories. Stories that will make me look like an a-hole, a crazy person or get me in big trouble with people.

10. I am tempted to have an additional Facebook with real friends because I have so many different friends and lots of people that I'd like to get back in touch with. The downside is that I'm sure I'd get lots of people wanting to "get together" when there's no way in hell I want to see them. I had a guy from high school call me out of the blue a few weeks ago and wanted to get together. I never called him back because I'm sure he'd ask "When are you free?" and I really can't say, "I have an opening in 50 years" so I'd probably end up meeting with him.

11. The bottom line of all of this is that I've really stopped telling real life friends about my blog because if it ever gets to the point that I can't write what I want to write because it might hurt my career or I know that someone's going to read it and get pissed - I'd have to just shut down my blog. Imagine the suicides. I can't live with that.

12. And one more thing about my blog. I like to write THAT BLUE YAK the same way I would talk to a bunch of friends at a party. Hey we're at a party. Everyone is hanging out and laughing. Then all of a sudden - here come a few of my friend's "Christian friends" or uptight, fat ass sister. Now the party is ruined. That's what I don't want to happen. That's why I keep things private.

Farting and Why I'm Such a Great Friend. The Elevator Story.

So Michelle wrote about farting in elevators today and it reminded me of something that happened years ago in Baltimore.

So we're staying at Inner Harbor with about 10 guys for our annual guys weekend. And my friend Flare had been farting* really bad. I'm talking clear the room, what crawled up you ass and died farting.

So the 10 of us are waiting for the elevator. He had just farted in the room - again - and we're still laughing about it. So the elevator door opens and it's almost completely full. Flare steps in and there's only room for one. The doors start to close. As the doors are almost shut and I point to Flare and say to the people in the elevator, "HE FARTED."

This made me laugh so hard because when the doors are shut, you can't turn around to the strangers in the elevator and say, "You see that's a buddy of mine, we're on a guy's weekend and we're just joking around here and........"

No. You just have to stand there like a dope and take the humiliation.

*For the record, this is the first post I've ever done about farting and I've been blogging over two years.

My Friend Sass - The Blog Fundraiser

I will now have a fund raiser for one of my favorite bloggers: Sass. Her blog is called Are you Satisfied? We all know that visits, comments and followers are the currency in the land of blogs. So in an effort to help each other increase the number of followers, I'm asking all of you to go to her blog and click, "FOLLOW THIS BLOG" on her sidebar. It's as simple as that. I'm sure you'll find her really interesting. I do.

The great thing about following a blog is that the posts will automatically be updated in your reader so you never miss a precious post. It's also good advertising for your blog because people will see that you follow a blog and then will check out your blog. I do it all the time and look how famous I am.

So go ahead, go to Sass's blog and add her as a follower. She's one cool chick. Thanks friend.

I Will Now Announce the Winner of My Blog Friend Contest

Oh it's a big day here at That Blue Yak because I'm going to announce the winners of my Dr Zibbs is My Best Friend Contest. First of all, the winner gets to say to others "Dr Zibbs is my best friends." Now let's make it clear that in no way will I say or imply that YOU are my best friend because my 4 BFF's are:

- Falwless - because in June she wrote BFF next to my name on her blog roll.

- Lydia and Candy - Lydia asked if we could be best friends and Candy gave me an award for being BFF. It's official because it looked like a credit card.

- Gwen - Because everyone knows that we have the special blog bond. Not unlike the bond that Unicorns and trolls have in real life.

With that out of the way, the 3 runner ups are:


Amy (new commentor from the blog Mish Mash) - this one is about us going home on the bus together, roller skating and braiding each others hair. It had me cracking up. Go check it out.

Gwen - Because this scenario will probably happen someday.

Scope - (new blogger from the blog Scope Tech) -just had me laughing. I like the Pied Piper part.

And the winner is:

Poobomber for "A day in the life of you and I". Well done my friend. And in addition to writing the story, he later retold it using pictures of him and me (played by actor Bill Pullman). You can see this amazing photo essay here.

And I like to say that all of the other stories were great. Seriously, very good. Except for that dumb ass Bizarro Zibbs because he takes my name in vain and can't think of his own original name.

So good luck everyone and feel free to leave your acceptance speeches or whine in the comments area.