Thanksgiving Is Gonna Be Way Better This Year

Imagine the horror when I was flipping through the Bed, Bath and Beyond circular and I see this contraption for inserting stuffing into a turkey. It's called a stuffing cage. WHAT THE HELL? Is this is the most obscene food photo you've ever seen? Is there anyway to shove this thing inside a bird without moaning, "Ohhhhh yeahhhhhhh! Owwww. Rub some more butter on my sides - it's too BIG!"

I'll be heading to my inventor's workshop* tonight to put together prototypes for two accoutrements for this turkey cage: Mini Drumstick Cuffs and Tom Turkey Ball Gag. I said it once and I said it before, "I'm gonna be rich!"

*To see one of my other inventions, click here.