Thursday, November 20, 2008

Thanksgiving Is Gonna Be Way Better This Year

Imagine the horror when I was flipping through the Bed, Bath and Beyond circular and I see this contraption for inserting stuffing into a turkey. It's called a stuffing cage. WHAT THE HELL? Is this is the most obscene food photo you've ever seen? Is there anyway to shove this thing inside a bird without moaning, "Ohhhhh yeahhhhhhh! Owwww. Rub some more butter on my sides - it's too BIG!"

I'll be heading to my inventor's workshop* tonight to put together prototypes for two accoutrements for this turkey cage: Mini Drumstick Cuffs and Tom Turkey Ball Gag. I said it once and I said it before, "I'm gonna be rich!"

*To see one of my other inventions, click here.

35 comments:

Candy's daily Dandy said...

HAHAHAHA!! That is HILARIOUS!! and obscenely ingenious of you Zibsy!

Jen said...

I am starting a bloggers
against stuffing cages
committee

that's just FOWL!


Oh wait, I mean.. FOUL!

SouthernBelle said...

yeah, that's pretty horrifying.

B.E. Earl said...

I dunno...a sex toy for only $9.99 sounds pretty reasonable to me.

saratogajean said...

Is that stuffing going in or coming out? 'Cause that turkey looks DONE.

P.S. I like the raffia-tied legs. Makes the bondage seem more 'country home' than 'urban goth.'

Some Guy said...

I should send you some of my turkey porn videos. Hot stuff.

Shieldmaiden96 said...

Crikey. I gather the cage remains in the turkey, for simplicity of extrication once the business is done.

Never mind that you can bake stuffing beside the turkey in a casserole dish for free.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

I don't know D....I'd get them for false advertising because that cage looks like it's full of cashews not stuffing.

My people will call your people and we can go in together with the bait and switch settlement offer to BBB.

THEN WE BOTH CAN BE RICH!

Shit, wait.... I just remembered...I don't have people.

Turkey Porn... Is that like you've seen one, you've seen 'em all??

HAPPY THURSDAY!!
- Jennifer

The Vegetable Assassin said...

It's sort of making my eyes water.

And I'm strangely turned on.

OK I'm kidding.

david wells said...

when I spent time in a Turkish prison, they had something similar to this. They tortured us by having us hide live rodents in it, then inserting it in us.

Was actually not much smaller than this either.

BloodRedRoses said...

I am horrified... but I cant. look. away.

H said...

How is this worse than a Turducken? Now that's an orgy!

Kimmie said...

It's a giant turkey tampon.

Talullah said...

I find myself mildly turned on...

Whiskeymarie said...

I'll never look at those dirty birds the same way again.
Gobble, gobble, baby.

Miss Alex said...

Yuck... between that and the two finger condums I feel dirty.

words words words said...

It really should be ribbed.

SkylersDad said...

Whoever is holding the basket handle needs to be showing "the shocker"...

Sass said...

Tom Turkey Ball Gag.

heh heh.

That's Hot.

As in H.O. double T.

Slyde said...

i heard that it only hurts going in, but it feels really nice going out...

wait, what?

Gwen said...

Is there anyway to shove this thing inside a bird without moaning, "Ohhhhh yeahhhhhhh! Owwww. Rub some more butter on my sides - it's too BIG!"


No, there is not. And somewhere in there is a joke about canned cranberry sauce being "ribbed for your pleasure."

Giggle Pixie said...

I bet that thing was invented by the same guy that invented that metal duck bill thing OB/GYN's have been torturing women with for years.

LYDIA said...

Oh GP, let's not talk about the cold metal duck bill thing...

Falwless said...

That is hot.

Queen Goob said...

My Tom like me to turn him over and spank him while inserting his "stuffing".

Chris said...

FUGGING FUNNY! The ball gag was just over the top.

What's next, Durkee Onion Nipple Rings on top of the green bean casserole?

Dr Zibbs said...

BWahahahaha to Slyde.

sista #2 said...

Were you flipping thru the Bed, Bath & beyond circular while wearing your lacey panties?


I gotta say... that is one big cage.



peace
#2

enc said...

My stars, that is extreme.

Holly Hall said...

yeah. um. I saw this device in the circular while I was going number two.

so yeah. now I am very grossed out in all sorts of ways when see this photo. And i have flashbacks about it too.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

:)

Holly

Miss Catherine said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAAA
It IS too big!!

Show us how its really done Zibbs.
I dare you.

LMC

Kez said...

Hahaha. I must say that is quite confronting!

Kristin said...

You must not have ever seen Ron Popeil's Solid Flavor Injector. A more blatantly sexual and phallic kitchen tool has never before been invented. The infomercial for it is truly disturbing.

Micgar said...

You turkey...stuffer!

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