Important Breaking News About My Face. Travolta.

Over the past few months I've noticed a cleft in my chin. A cleft chin if you will.

The weird thing is that I've never noticed it. It's not huge like that ridiculous hole that John Travolta has in his chin*. It's barely noticeable.

In fact, if you saw me and looked at my chin you'd be all, "Where is it? Is it there? Is it there? Is that it?

The only way I know I have it is because when I shave in a downward stroke, I notice that I can't get into the tiny cleft with the razor so I have to shave it sideways to get a totally smooth shave. And I've never had to do this so it is indeed a new development on my face.

Maybe it's because I lost 15 pounds. Or maybe it's because I'm getting closer to dying and my face is starting to turn into a skeleton. I'm not sure.

*Whenever I see Travolta's face I picture a teensy tiny Travolta emerging from his cleft..."Hey, Mr Kotter!"

Chester County Blogger Recovering From Serious Accident. Please Send Flowers.

I didn't want to alarm everyone but I was in a bit of an accident yesterday.

You see, I was out of my regular razors so I had to use a crappy single blade. I don't even know how they can be on the market.

So I'm doing that weird face where you stretch your nose so you can shave right under it - you know what I'm talking about guys (and bearded ladies) - and I actually cut my NOSTRIL! Right on the side of my nostril!

There was blood everywhere. And why does it take an hour for the bleeding to stop? I was bleeding for over an hour and was even late for work. I did however pass the time by making myself a hero award.

Today however, you can barely see where I cut myself.

I was kind of embarrassed yesterday during the day because I was wondering if anyone thought that I was shaving my nose. Like I have a face that's really hair covered like an ape but I have to shave it completely everyday to hide my secret. Living in shame.

Anyways, I did survive. And that's all that counts.

A Dr Zibbs Cologne Is In Development!! Smells and Stuff.

Well, a Dr Zibbs cologne isn't in development..yet. Uh, how much would you preorder if I did make it though? I'll probably sell it by the liter because it sound classier than by the gallon.

But it wouldn't be that crazy because there's all kinds of crazy colognes these days. Crazy celeb scents. Here's a list on Wikipedia of some of the current scents you can buy. Some of them make sense. Like a scent from Scarlett Johansson or Halle Berry but Pavarotti? You know it's some concoction that's then hand stirred with a boar's leg and then finished off with some Felciata di Calabria cheese. (Look at me gettin' all gourmet cheesy).

But the weirdest is the Burger King cologne/spray that's available in the UK. Don't believe me? Check this out.

I told you.

You're probably asking what cologne does Dr Zibbs wear? I will have you know that I was told twice in the past two weeks that I smell nice. Once was because I had reapplied deodorant at the end of the day and put lip stuff on my lips (to prevent chapping) and I think it was scented. Some chick at work told me but maybe she was just trying to get in my pants as they say. What?

But I haven't worn cologne in years. I used to wear Halston like a billion years ago. But now? Nothing.

So ladies, what is a cologne I should wear? What would someone of my sophistication wear? Should I perhaps mix several scents together? *

And don't say Axe body spray.

*My son said that some of the black dudes in his school do this. They'll do like two sprays of one scent on one pit then a quick spray of a second. Then they'll do three sprays of a third cologne on the other pit. They told my son they do this to have their own smell. Swear to God.

Andy Rooney, I Hope You're Sitting Down For This. Brezhnev Laughing From Grave.

I'm not sure if Andy Rooney reads my blog or not but if he does, I have a message. TRIM YOUR EYEBROWS!

Seriously, what is going on there? Do you think his family at least has mentioned something to him? Is it some sort of pride to have brows like that?

If there is something so ridiculous on me like that I would hope my loved ones would tell me.

Jeez.

Questions That Maybe Bloggers Can Answer. Coleslaw. Shaving.

Here are some real questions that I'd like some answers to:

- I wonder how I should approach Twitter to get more blog followers? And where does this all end? Am I just wasting my time?

- Does anyone else think The Office has jumped the shark?

- Is there any subject that you'd really like me to blog about?

- How long until voice recognition works really good so I can write blog posts while driving?

- I need to get one of those man scaping razors. But where to start?

- Does anyone have a really, really great coleslaw recipe?

- Does anyone do TM? How long does it take a person to really get good at it? And I have ADHD so I have a very short attention span so take that into consideration.

Dude With Long Nose Hair Repulses Chester County Blogger.

Oh yeah. I just remembered this. I was at this formal event last week. I'm mingling around with my red wine talking to people - things are going well. I approach someone I haven't seen in a while. I say hi and he introduces me to the guy he's talking to.

I turn my head to look at the guy and this dude* has two manes of nose hairs coming out of his beak. I'm talking nose hairs at least a half inch long. How the hell does someone look in the mirror and not realize that something has to be done?

Doesn't this guy wonder why everyone is looking at his nostrils?

There's no excuse for this. I seriously need to know - why do you think some dudes refuse to trim their nose hairs? Do you think they don't care? I bet some don't trim because they think using a nose clipper would be too feminine. Maybe they think the ladies don't care.

And one more thing to add. Do you see that finger nose hair clipper above? That's a real product. And for all the weird stuff I buy simply because it's weird and funny -that finger nose hair clipper is even over the top for me.

* If by the rare chance you were at an event last week in Chester County and you look like Ed Begley Jr., It's you that I'm talking about here. Do everyone a favor and clean yourself up. Jesus Christ.

Piper Palin Uses Wet Hand As Baby Brush - The Video

Piper Palin Licks Hand Video I believe is going to be the title of this DVD when it hits the stores. Although I'd prefer: Trig - the Wet Down. The following is a clip and highlight of this memorable event from the 2008 Republican National Convention when young Piper Palin licked her hand then used it to style her brother's hair.


(Warning: Alaskan grooming habits may be shocking to residents of the continental United States).

Wear Your Wig To Work Day Video Premier

Here is a test video I made a while ago called Wear Your Wig to Work Day. I literally put this thing together in 2 minutes. That's how talented I am. It's not as good as the other That Blue Yak produced video called The Gypsy Foot Care Factory, but it's OK. If you're smart, you'll subscribe (for free), to my YouTube channel because I'm totally going to be making more original motion pictures like these soon. You'll see.

Imagine that you, the reader, sees one of my videos first and instead of greeting coworkers with the boring, "It's hump day - right on", you'll be saying, "Did you see the new That Blue Yak video called the International House of Bag? It's great! What other crazy things do you think he has in his bag of tricks?"

Also, note the range of voices I've used from the Gypsy Foot Care Factory to the Wear Your Wig to Work Day. That's me voicing BOTH! Do you think they gave me the "Fred Travalena of Chester County voice award" for doing Cagney? No.