Hot Dog Cooker We Had In The 70's and MORE! Dad Being An A-hole.

I remember when I was a kid we got this hot dog cooker like the one above. It had a domed lid but this is the only picture I could find. You held the hot dogs in by putting them in these prongs. I'm not sure if we got it with those green stamps or from a sales contest my Dad won but I remember that when my Dad took it out of the box it was a big deal. Probably because it was so space age looking.

Of course my Dad probably said, "Now this thing isn't it toy!"

"Oh it's not Dad? Oh OK. I was going to take it up the street and see if anyone wanted to have a catch with it." I think it lasted a few months till someone said, "Why don't we just BOIL hotdogs?"

In my search for hotdog makers I did come across a few others. Like the one below. A bit fruity if you ask me but...


Then you got the hot dog toaster. Oooh broooother! So stupid. "We've got to feed 12 people hot dogs? No problem. Let me just get started here by popping two of these bad boys in. There we go. You don't want your roll toasted? Oh I'm sorry it toasts rolls so that's how you'll have to have it. You'll be fine."



But for some reason I really hate this one below. I can picture the guy getting it and trying to act all cool while taking it out of the box to show his family. Like a big shot. "Now THIS is a hot dog maker. Talk about 'take me out to the ballgame.' Am I right? Hmmm? Hmmm?" (as he nudges little Timmy.)

Then he tries to organize hot dog night in the den but his family doesn't give a shit. "Dad I'm going to the movies with Karen I won't be at hot dog night"

"GOD DAMN IT! Yes you WILL be at hot dog night!...MARY ANN I'LL HANDLE THIS! Just bring the condiments into the den and everyone pull up their chairs while I put my apron on. Jesus Christ!

Here Are Some Random Notes From A Chorus Concert Last Night. Middle School.

Here are various notes from the 8th grade chorus concert I had to attend last night. My daughter is in the chorus:

- I sat in the back so I was able to spend my time watching people. Like a bird. On it’s perch. Watching. I’ve discovered if I’m bored to tears but able to watch people I can make things bearable.

- When all the kids walked to the stage I saw my daughter’s friend. She’s pretty funny. I gave her the nonverbal look like a was surprised. Like, “What? What are you doing here? This is preposterous!” She tilted her head sideways, nodded and winked and gave me the “gun shoot” pointed finger. Cracked me up.

- The kid I saw last year with the magnificent jew-fro was singing again. He’s so big. He looks like he could play college football and then he tops off his huge frame with this big ass fro. And to make it better, there was a teensy tiny kid standing in front of him with what looked liked a glued on fake hairpiece. The juxtaposition was glorious. (Look at me using big words).

- The chorus director dude was totally overdoing it with his hand conducting moves. Couldn’t tell if he really thought what he was doing was helping the kids to sing or if he was showboating.

- Some Indian lady sat next to me and reeked of perfume. Is that really necessary? I swear I could taste it.

- I cracked myself up by imagining that right as they were finishing singing the Beatles song, “Here Comes The Sun” if I had a speaker rigged up then from off stage in a super baritone voice I sung, “HERE COMES THE SUN….YEAHHH!” And everyone would be looking around like, “What the hell?” Some parents would have shocked looks on their faces and shaking their heads and saying, “Who would DO that? They ruined it! The whole thing is ruined now! We even brought Nana here. And she's SICK!”

Then the rest of the concert I was thinking of things that I could at the end of every song to ruin it. Like I'd come swinging in from the side and sing the last line. Or pull off a fake rubber mask like I was one of the kids after a song ended. Then run away.

Janitors would be instructed to catch me. They'd fail.

Would be a big ole' scandal. Probably one of those stories that gets passed down to new kids every year. Oh and the cover up? Don't even start.

Man. I should have done it.

But I Don't Want Your Life..Or Do You...

The only thing you need to see today is my good blog friend Chris doing this

Elephant Woman Beauty Secrets. Nice Sack.

You always see the elephant men wearing burlap potato sackish bags to cover their horrifying faces but I can't for the life of me recall ever even seeing an elephant woman.

I wonder if this this ever happens in elephant woman households to help with their self esteem:

Mom: Ellie, how are you feeling today? Any better?

Ellie: I hate school. I feel like a freak.

Mom: Well I got something for you. (Pulls out fabric swatch book and sits on corner of bed). It's a book filled with pretty swatches. I thought we could look through the book and pick out a nice pattern for your burlap sack. Perhaps one with a cherry pattern? That would be cute - don't you think?

Ellie: You're the best mom! (starts to take sack off of head).

Mom: (covers eyes and looks away). ELLIE.THE SACK. PUT THE SACK BACK ON! Thank you.