Daughter Tries To Get Me Do Imitation for Her Teacher. Jerry Lewis Jimmy Stewart Hybrid.

Oh man I was totally put on the spot the other day. I picked my daughter up from school and while my daughter is standing next to me a teacher comes over and says, "Oh Dr Zibbs, you daughter tells me you do a perfect imitation of Doctor R&#$%##  from Kids First. My kids have gone there for years!"

I'm totally taken off guard and I'm all, "Uh yeah...I do....Yeah he's a real character....Well uh...nice to see you."

We walk out and my daughter is laughing, "Why didn't you do the imitation Dad? She was waiting all afternoon to hear it?"

"Because I don't even know here!" Ha!

And trust me. The imitation is so spot on and over the top that it's almost frightening to the person hearing it. The doctor sounds like a combination of Jerry Lewis and...

...Jimmy Stewart. With a tinge of a hard of hearing retarded person. And the imitation is based on the time the doctor was asking my son some questions about a fender bender he had gotten into. And when I do it I have to get really close to the person, stare them in the eyes and with lips kind of flapping and head nodding it goes like this...

"So Jack WHO exactly was driving the automobile that hit you from behind? Was it an older gentleman?...(exaggerated hand motions) Um...a mother with a young child perhaps?...Someone YOUR age?? Who was it?"

Then he says, "Now I'm assuming you like the attention of pretty young ladies* Jack is that correct? Oh good because I'm going to have you wear a neck brace for a few weeks and young ladies will be approaching you to inquire what exactly happened...because they'll see you with the next brace...and they'll be curious..I'm sure that's something that you can live with...am I correct in saying that Jack??..(turns to me) See Dad, I didn't think he's have a problem with that."

And as the imitation goes on people usually back up because I'm right in their face. It's kind of scary actually.

Oh well. Maybe if I get to know her I'll do it for her someday. I just hate being put on the spot. And I don't like taking requests. What am I? Your trained monkey?

*What? "Pretty" young ladies will approach him? Don't homely young ladies get curious too?

What Was In Your Lunch Bag At School? Hit The Road Little Debbie.

What was in your lunchbag at school? Or were you a "buyer?"

My lunch bag consisted of three things from 1st to 12th grade:

1) Sandwhich - peanut butter and jelly, ham and cheese or turkey and cheese. White bread only thank you.

2) Salty treat - either chips or doritos.

3) Dessert: Some cupcakey thing. Like a Tastykake or Ring Ding. We weren't Twinkie people so never got one of those. And my Mom tried to sneak in Little Debbie's once and a while. You know my thought on those.

And I need to check with Mommy but I think she made my lunch all the way up through 12th grade. I forget.

Things could have been worse. I could have been given an egg salad sandwich like Lambert. Wrapped in clear plastic wrap. As opposed to the normal platic lunch bag. Why in God's name would Lambert's mom give him a stinky ass egg salad sandwich? It stunk! She probably didn't love him.

Or those people that were sent fruit in tupperware. Nooooo thanks! Or Hopton (dude had 7 and a half toes) that had to fold up his brown paper bag and bring it home because his mom was a penny pincher. Seriously, how much money are you saving a year from using 13 less brown paper bags? The dude always had a wrinkly ass bag. Shameful.

Then of course it could have been better. I kind of envied the people that got these:

Brad Neely and The Professor Brothers Crack Me Up.

I've posted a few other Brad Neely cartoons here in the past. This is the type of thing that just makes me laugh out loud.

It's the Professor Brothers. Make sure to watch it to the end because there's a great surprise.



And my favorite line is when he said he found the "cherriest shoes".

Yo Lambert! That Homemade Bad Company Jacket Looks Terrible.

There's nothing funnier to me than really bad art. Especially when the artist is really proud of their art but have no idea that it's a piece of shit.

When I was in 8th grade, this kid in my neighborhood tried to draw the Rock and Roll Fantasy album cover on his denim jackets. It was drawn with a black pen. Actually, I'm not sure if it was the cover or just his rendition. It said "Badco - Rock N Roll Fantasy" and showed some hanging dice.

And it was such a crappy drawing and he was so proud of it that I wish you could have seen it.

I picture him, sitting in his room, finishing up the art and holding it up to the mirror. Going back and adding some final touches. He spent so much time on it that he probably didn't even care how crappy it looked. The words were all scrunched up on the right hand side and smaller then the letters on the left. After all, it was Bad Company. It doesn't have to be perfect. This is rock and roll man.

I bet he's got some crookedly drawn tattoos today. Do you want to see the video and pretend you're walking down the street with me and making fun of his jacket? Well then click here.

Farting In Class Story Reminded Me Of BS Crapping Pants Story.

So I was reading this post on Fancy's blog about when she was in sixth grade and she farted in school and from then on she was known as Farty Four Eyes. She said she was happy that her family moved the following year. Probably to get away from her smelly ass.

Just kidding Fance'.

But it reminded of me of a joke/lie I used to tell people once in a while just to be a dick. It would go like this:

Person: Have you always lived in Pennsylvania?

Me: No. We lived in Michigan until I was 12.

Person: Really?

Me: Yeah. It was really great there but in 6th grade I shit my pants at school. I was in therapy for a few months and was so embarrassed that my family just decided to move East so we could start over again. You know - get a fresh start and everything.

Person: (looking really uncomfortable) Oh...uh...really?

Me: No I'm just kidding. Where are you from?

God I love doing that to people.