Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Time I Practiced Asking A Girl Out. Busted!



Believe it or not, in my early years unless I was around my friends I was pretty shy. So the idea of asking a girl out was pretty terrifying until I was in about tenth grade or so. I’m not sure what happened but I slowly became un-shy.

Well in about ninth grade and I was going to ask a girl to a dance. Instead confidently approaching her in the hall at school I decided to do the cowardly thing and call her on the phone. This way, if I fainted halfway through she’d just think something was wrong with the phone. Which was possible and probably would hold up in court.

Instead of just picking up the phone and calling her, I decided the best thing to do was practice. So I went down to our basement sat at my Dad’s desk (he had an office down there), put my finger on the button thing… what’s that called? You know…the hanger up button….so you don’t get the dial tone? You know what I mean. I put my finger on that thing and started rehearsing:

“Hello Patty? This is Dr Zibbs here. And the reason I was calling was…”

No

(deeper voice) “Patty. What’s going on? It’s Dr Zibbs and the reason for my call is…”

No. I swear I tried it ten different ways. And I tried different poses too. Nothing felt right.

“Hello Patty, It’s Dr Zibbs. And I was just wondering if you wanted to go to the dance with me.”

What the hell was that? “Just wondering?” Like I was looking out the window at clouds and the thought popped into my head, “You know..I’m just curious as to whether or not Patty would like to go to the dance with me? Hmmm. I wonder. Maybe I’ll just give her a call and ask her. It’s the only way to find out. You know, to really get to the bottom of this random thought that just now popped into my head.”

“Hello Patty. It’s Dr Zibbs. From school. And I was just wondering if…”

Just then I hear, “WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING?” And I look up and my oldest sister is standing there with her mouth opened in amazement. The expression on her face was the look you’d have if you opened a suitcase and it was loaded with cash.

I remember jumping out of my seat from being startled and was like, "What?..I thought that…” And just stood there frozen for a second. Then, “GET OUT OF HERE!”

For the next week all I heard from my sister was, “Yes I was just wondering if…I was just wondering if…”

How embarrassing. And in case you want to know. Patty said no. She claimed she had to work at the Tasty Freeze*. Yeah right.

*For the locals, the Tasty Freeze used to be located where the Wawa is on Route 100 and Greenhill Road.

26 comments:

TrinaLikesWine said...

HAHA! And after all that Patty said, "No"? It's quite fitting she worked at Tasty Freeze...Frigid broad!!!

TC said...

soooo...the Tasty Freeze is a real thing and not something John COUGAR Mellencamp made up. Interesting to know as a Canadian.

sybil law said...

Patty was a dumb bitch.
I'm guessing.
:)

Anonymous said...

At least you weren't caught practicing for what you wanted to do after the dance.

Dr Zibbs said...

Anonymous - waiting for my Dad to pick me up?

Andrew Rodriguez said...

Great story, you know the theme for the March West Chester Story Slam is "Busted"....it make a good story!

Dr Zibbs said...

Andrew - Maybe someday.

Shannon Green said...

Yeah that's not the worst thing your sister could have caught you doing.

So is that a picture of the real phone you used? If so, National Geographic might be interested in publishing this in their "Ancient Dating Rituals" issue.

Dr Zibbs said...

Shannon - that IS the phone. Didn't you know I'm 74 years old?

Dr Zibbs said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr Zibbs said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mrs. Crotchpains said...

No girl ever said no to the Zibbs I know. What was this Patty thinking? So Zibbs, when did you finally start hitting it big with the ladies?

Dr Zibbs said...

Mrs CP - I know. It's hard to believe. I developed my skilz in my junior and senior years then really took it to the next level in college. (Like you don't know).

Have been debating writing some posts about my techniques but why give it away for free. Right?

Mrs. Crotchpains said...

You should write a book. It would be like a public service to men and boys everywhere. I'd consider it a good read as I've never experienced your "techniques". A reality I'll have to live with....forever.

Scope said...

I was so obsessed with "It's a switchhook! Say 'switchhook'!" that I'm not sure I read the rest of it.

But I think your older sister totally went behind your back and cock-blocked you just to be evil.

Dr Zibbs said...

Mrs C - Yeah but you've got to have at least some kind of charisma for it to work.

Scope - Well then..go back and read it now.

yogurt said...

I thought this actual practicing bit only happened in the movies! And you really have to be glad this happened in the era before video cameras. You would be been so youtube-screwed.

Dr Zibbs said...

Yogurt - Oh this happens. You wouldn't believe some of the things I've rehearsed.

diane said...

Lets see: Dr. Pepper? Dr. Dimento? Dr. Scholl? Not exactly the cool group to be in. She might have said yes if you said "This is Jim", just a guess.

I'm just messing with you man.
Just so you know, I only had time to read one blog in the past few days and yours was it. I can't imagine anyone ever saying no to you.

Dr Zibbs said...

Diane - I've been bad at reading and commenting on blogs myself. And you're too kind. But I was a mess back then. Trust me.

Mrs. Crotchpains said...

True about charisma. You can't teach charisma or learn itbfrom a book. You either got it or you don't and you, sir, have got it. (Like you don't know already)

Dr Zibbs said...

Mrs C - Yes. You are very wise. I do have the thing they call "It."

And by the way the other thing you need is to be super fucking humble. Like me.

Peggy said...

Oh I'll bet your sister let you have it...I would have! That's a hilarious story yet I find it hard to believe you didn't have your Zibbs mojo back then.

ps... Patty was probably a dork anyway.

Dr Zibbs said...

Peggy - where were you when I was in 9th grade. And I was just standing there, not making eye contact with girls, not talking to them, but wondering why I didn't have a girlfriend?

Dr Zibbs said...

...and Peggy, do you know your profile says you're from Subrubia? Is that a town or a city?

Peggy said...

Yeah, I did that on purpose in 2009 to see if anyone would catch it...you win! Give me your address and I'll send out your prize!