Flirty Verizon Lady Gets Her Flirty Flirt The Flirt On.

I would love to do a study on flirting. I know studies have been done but I'd like to conduct one. Zibbs style.

I was thinking of this because I was in the Verizon store for a phone issue the other day and when they called my name the good looking lady was chosen to help me. I always see her there but  I always get stuck with the dudes. Smelly, hairy faced, non-boobed dudes.

Since she had my phone in her hand and I had nothing to look at I was kind of looking at her. Pretty, dirty blond hair, big eyes, curvy. And she had nice shoes. But the personality seemed kind of dull. No smile. Until she looked up and I was looking at her and I said, "You really look like this girl I used to work with."

And she did look like her. I wasn't even trying to get my flirt on but all of a sudden she got all smiley and did the head tilt and was all, "Really?" Then we just started chit chatting. She was all smiley and giggly. You should of seen it. It was a spectacle I tells ya! She was under the Zibbs spell as they say.* I'm involved with someone now so I just kept it friendly. But the next time I was in she spotted me and waved to me. Looks like someone likes the merchandise. *pretends to drop something then bends over to expose ass then looks back*

Man this makes me sound kind of douchy. But it's true. No! Not that I'm douchy...that she was flirting with me.

I was really just being friendly. Well, maybe a LITTLE flirty but I guess that's my nature. I've never had a problem meeting women. I guess it's because I'm outgoing and I do strike up conversations with the ladies. I kind of feel bad for people that can't meet anyone. I really think a lot of it is that people don't know how to be friendly and smiley. And flirty. And be nice for God's sake. And don't be creepy.

And give compliments. But not fake ones.Oh, and don't talk about yourself the whole time you lummox!

Alright. I'm rambling now. Maybe I'll write a post on "How to Pick Up Woman." I was honestly thinking of writing an Ebook on the subject. But not a cheeseball one. It would be for normal dudes. Maybe someday.


*"They" as in "me." I just made that up.

Local Enjoys The Food Samples At Exton Sam's Club.

Do you ever go to Sam's Club in Exton? And you see the people handing out samples so you kind of say, "Hmmm. What do we have here? Don't mind if I do."

Then you try all the samples? And they were all pretty good (except for the hummus) so you go back and get another sample? And another.

Then you're like, "It's almost lunch. I might as well keep this rotation going for a bit." But then you notice the guy handing out the sausage giving you the stink eye so you pretend to be reading the ingredients on a random salsa container? Mouthing, "Oh so it DOES have peppers in it."....

Then you try to go for one last  sample of chicken parm and the lady has to judge you by saying, "Hey weren't you here already?" And you almost say, "Um. that was the other guy."

But you get nervous and leave because who needs their stupid food anyway! (Even though it was good).

SIDE NOTE FOR FRUGAL READERS: Do you know that they have patio furniture right near where they hand out the food samples in Exton? So if you're on a tight budget and you want to take a girl on a date you can bring her to one of the patio tables and say it's a restaurant. (Maybe call it "Sammy's Place?) Then you can just go get the food and bring it to the table. Or ask a friend to pretend he's a waiter. Or maybe YOU can pretend to be the waiter but you'll need a disguise to wear and just tell your date you have to go to the bathroom and when the waiter comes for her to order the "sampler" for both of you". Cost?: $0. You are welcome.

A Post About All The Girls From My Past. Chicks.

The other day I was thinking of something odd. What if you could gather every person you’ve ever hooked up with in one place? From people you’ve made out with to people you’ve…well…you know*.

I’m picturing for me I’ll need a large place**. You can use a VFW but for me I’m thinking a really nice place. Cause I’m classy like that. Hey, if you want to skimp and have a roast beef station and two drink tickets for each guest that’s fine. Go for it. For me though? Ima keep it classy. I’ll be wearing a tux too. Actually maybe just a really nice suit. Yeah, a suit should do it.

And here’s the thing: All the women would be the exact same age as when I hooked up with them. And wearing the clothes that they wore the first time I was with them. “Hey, there’s one with a Duran Duran shirt!”…”Ooohh. Loving the shoulder pads!”

And they would all have name tags that list their names as well as the place we met because to tell you the truth I don’t want to embarrass myself by saying, “Uh so how do I know you?” So for instance a name tag might say, “Maryanne – Phillies ball girl” or “Jane – Pub at Georgetown University” or “Amy – Ocean City Boardwalk.” You get the idea.

And it might be kind of weird because some of the “women” would be underage. But still. I would mingle around. Chit chatting. Aweing them with stories of the modern age, “Yes in 2011 we have computers. In our homes. And this thing? It’s a phone AND a computer!”

Then here’s the weird thing. Once the cocktail hour was over, (and I made a “thanks for coming” speech – peppered with amusing tales) a new group of women would come in the room. And these women would be the same women that I hooked up with but how they look NOW. And they would come in and stand next to their younger self. Oh yeah this is gonna be great.

I wonder which ones still look good and which ones would have let themselves go?*** Hmmmm…I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

OK. Now somebody make this happen.

I will now open this up to a question and answer session in the comments area.

*Vodeo-do-do
**To make sure that everyone is there I would give the party planner the piece of paper I have hidden in my attic that lists all the women I ever hooked up with. I wrote it out years ago. I wrote it when I was drinking one night in case I ever get senile and I forget. Come to think of it, I forget where I stashed it up there.
*** I know one that let herself go. This chick we’ll call “CZ” that I was with for a few weeks in college. I swear if you saw her then you would shit. Sexy blond with a super hot, curvy 18 year old bod. Literally a 36-24-36. I know this because I asked her. Well about two years ago I searched her name and I found her. Sadly, she is now a whale. Easily over 220 pounds. Easy on the buffet CZ. Easy on the buffet.

The Time I Practiced Asking A Girl Out. Busted!

Believe it or not, in my early years unless I was around my friends I was pretty shy. So the idea of asking a girl out was pretty terrifying until I was in about tenth grade or so. I’m not sure what happened but I slowly became un-shy.

Well in about ninth grade and I was going to ask a girl to a dance. Instead confidently approaching her in the hall at school I decided to do the cowardly thing and call her on the phone. This way, if I fainted halfway through she’d just think something was wrong with the phone. Which was possible and probably would hold up in court.

Instead of just picking up the phone and calling her, I decided the best thing to do was practice. So I went down to our basement sat at my Dad’s desk (he had an office down there), put my finger on the button thing… what’s that called? You know…the hanger up button….so you don’t get the dial tone? You know what I mean. I put my finger on that thing and started rehearsing:

“Hello Patty? This is Dr Zibbs here. And the reason I was calling was…”

No

(deeper voice) “Patty. What’s going on? It’s Dr Zibbs and the reason for my call is…”

No. I swear I tried it ten different ways. And I tried different poses too. Nothing felt right.

“Hello Patty, It’s Dr Zibbs. And I was just wondering if you wanted to go to the dance with me.”

What the hell was that? “Just wondering?” Like I was looking out the window at clouds and the thought popped into my head, “You know..I’m just curious as to whether or not Patty would like to go to the dance with me? Hmmm. I wonder. Maybe I’ll just give her a call and ask her. It’s the only way to find out. You know, to really get to the bottom of this random thought that just now popped into my head.”

“Hello Patty. It’s Dr Zibbs. From school. And I was just wondering if…”

Just then I hear, “WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING?” And I look up and my oldest sister is standing there with her mouth opened in amazement. The expression on her face was the look you’d have if you opened a suitcase and it was loaded with cash.

I remember jumping out of my seat from being startled and was like, "What?..I thought that…” And just stood there frozen for a second. Then, “GET OUT OF HERE!”

For the next week all I heard from my sister was, “Yes I was just wondering if…I was just wondering if…”

How embarrassing. And in case you want to know. Patty said no. She claimed she had to work at the Tasty Freeze*. Yeah right.

*For the locals, the Tasty Freeze used to be located where the Wawa is on Route 100 and Greenhill Road.

Are You Undateable? Do This Stuff If You Don't Want To Get Laid.

I was reading through this book the other day at the bookstore called Undateable: 311 Things Guys Do That Guarantee They Won't Be Dating or Having Sex .

It's basically a book of 311 things that guys shouldn't do, say or wear. Some of the things include:
- wearing socks with sandals.
- wearing a fanny pack.
- wearing a tie with a short sleeve shirt.

Things like that. The only thing that I may be guilty of on the list is having a pair of pleated pants. I think have have a pair put I don't wear them anymore.

Wow. One thing out of 311. I guess that makes me *looks in full length mirror and turns* very, very dateable.

And on a side note, the book is written to be funny. It was in the humor section. I was surprised to see the ridiculous comments on left on Amazon (see link above).

So what things do you think a guy (or lady) should never ever wear or do or say that makes them look like a fool?

Do You Think This Dating Video Is Fake? Video.

Why are you ladies always complaining that there are no great men left?

Look at these prizes*.



*I actually think this whole thing was staged and that they're actors. What do you think?

Dream I Had About Going Back In Time. Gettin' It On. Avatar.

I had a bunch of weird dreams last night. In one, I was on a reality TV show where you get hooked up to an Avatar (like in the movie Avatar) and you travel back in time and go on dates again that you had in high school.

I'm not kidding. I really had this dream. Sadly though, the dream ended before I went on the date. And that sucks because I was hoping to relive one of the dates/hookups that I most regret.

It was the Summer between 11th and 12th grade and I actually called up a girl that had just graduated because my sister ran into her at a party and she said I should call her. And I was floored because I only knew her from art class. She was really cool and she was hot. A blond haired, short cute chick. A year older and a year more experienced.

So I called her up and asked her out. And I couldn't believe she said yes. We go out on the date, and we ended up cruising around and parking*. She was into The Who so I pop in the cassette of Who's Next. Then we start making out. Then "heavy petting". Then it was getting more and more heated. Her pants are off and shirt is open. Everything except "it" happened. And I have no idea why I didn't round home. My policy before then had always been, "Keep going until they say no". Then, ask again...perhaps beg. I don't know.

But it always bothered me because we never went out again. I really can't remember if I never called her or if I called her and she said no. And I don't know how I can even forget because here was this cool, hot chick and..well...I feel like I blew it. Maybe it's because I liked her and thought that I better not go all the way and ruin it.

It also could have been that around this time I was kind of shy. I wasn't shy around my friends but sometimes around strangers and girls I would clam up. About a year later for some reason I got major confidence and my mission in life was to meet girls. Everything revolved around it and I had no inhibitions about approaching women. And it turns out, that's the key I found. Opening up your trap and talking you stupid idiot.

I think I'll have write some more posts to go deeper into this subject. Anyone else have any dating regrets?

*The picture above shows the actual car that was used. Same color too! Except Ricardo Montalban wasn't there. That I know of.

Larry vs The Situation. Bigger Douchebag? Jersey Shore.

So who do you think is more of a douchbag?

Old school Larry from Three's Company?



Or "The Situation" from The Jersey Shore?



I think I know the answer. It's "The Situation" isn't it? So what would you ladies do if he approached you in a bar? Would you fall for his charms?

And who the hell dates someone like him anyway?

I Bet Little Darlings Was One Of Your Favorite Movies. Kristy McNichol.

Here's a clip from the 1980 movie Little Darlings with Kristy McNichol and Matt Dillon.

What a rash.

I used to have a crush on Kristy McNichol* but now I look at her and she isn't even that cute.

And look at how they have identical hair. Oh brother.



*Fun Fact: I used to hook up with this chick in college that looked just like her.

Olivia Newton John. Midnight Special and Dating.

I kind of forget but I think I may have dated Olivia Newton John.

*reflects*

No. No I didn't. I thought I might have but I just remembered that I didn't.

But look how hot she looks here when she was on The Midnight Special. It's a terrible song and her dancing is pretty bad but boy does she look great.

Brad Neely and The Professor Brothers Crack Me Up.

I've posted a few other Brad Neely cartoons here in the past. This is the type of thing that just makes me laugh out loud.

It's the Professor Brothers. Make sure to watch it to the end because there's a great surprise.



And my favorite line is when he said he found the "cherriest shoes".

Thanks Barry Manilow. For Nothing. College Chicks.

.....so there was this chick in college*. I use to tell her in class that she had the best nails I'd ever seen.

And it worked. I'm not saying it was directly because of the compliments, but she did break up with her high school boyfriend shortly after and we started "dating" - well....hooking up was more like it.

So I was really kind of getting into her until I walked into her dorm room one time and she looked like she was taking a nap.

Me: Are you sleeping?

Her: No. Just mellowing out to some Manilow.

She might as well have said, "No, just reflecting on my last KKK rally."

Well, that just about put the nail in the coffin in that relationship. Thanks Barry Manilow. For nothing. And I'm reminded of this story because it's Barry Manilow's birthday today. She's 66.

And can someone tell me if Manilow has ever officially come out of the closet? You never hear anything about that.

*this was the chick that tried to put her finger in my butt that one time but I clenched my cheeks so she couldn't. A "sorry - this road is closed" kind of gesture if you will.

Olivia Newton John and My Trip To England for a Date.

When my wife is asleep tonight I'm totally going to ask her if it's OK with her that I fly to England and go on a date with one of my favorite new bloggers - Girl Interrupted.

If she mumbles yes, I'd like Girl I to sing "Hopelessly Devoted To You" by Olivia Newton John as I come out of the plane. Then - the dating will begin.

Heart Magic Man. Using Magic To Be A Smart Ass.

Good morning blog world. Just finished a nice egg sandwich on this Sunday morning in West Chester, PA. What are you guys doing?

Look how foxy Ann Wilson from Heart looked back in 1976 singing Magic Man. I wonder if any girl ever dating me had a fight with her mom and yelled at her mom, "But he's a magic man momma!"

And how great would it have been if when I saw the mom the next time I planted something magic around the house right before I brought the daughter out on a date. Like maybe those magic metal rings that magicians try to link together.

Man I wish I had thought of that years ago.

My Heart Just Stopped. Qualities I Like In Women.

Have you ever seen someone and then they start talking and you instantly have a crush on them?

Believe it or not, the typical blond hair big boob chick is not my type. I actually get annoyed when everyone thinks a chick is hot because they've got a hot body. Here are a few things that I'm a sucker for:

- Large, doe-like eyes. And they have to be expressive.

- A smile that lights up the whole face. Not many people have this.

- Laughs at my jokes.

- Curvy with a nice butt.

- Flirty personality.

- Has some type of underlying sweetness in their soul.

And speaking of some of those qualities, here's a blogger that took my breath away not only by her beauty but just the way she talks. Remember how I said I could be a casting director? Tell me this blogger doesn't have star quality. If I ever met her, I think I'd have an instant connection. To see her, click here.

How To Use Marvin Gaye To Pick Up Girls - Sexual Heeling.

"You're going to help me pick up girls Dr Zibbs?"

Yes I am friend. But I'm not going to tell you how to do it The Pick-up Artist Style. Sorry Mystery. I'm gonna tell you Zibbs style.

Step 1: First of all, you need to be a bit familiar with the song Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye.

Step 2: You need to get two men to play separate characters. Try your local community theater. You'll find many no talents that will jump at the chance of an acting job.

Step 3: Find an attractive lady in a bar. If she's very dumb it will be a snap. If she's not a dummy, you may have to work a bit harder. I didn't say this would be easy did I?

Step 4: While hiding out of sight - maybe behind a potted plant, have actors one and two approach the lady - one actor on either side.

Actor #1: (dressed as weird professor he leans into the lady's face and whispers really loudly) Get up, get up, get up......

Actor #2: (dressed as a longshoreman or lumberjack he leans into the lady's face from the other side and breaths into her ear as creepily as possible) Wake up, Wake up, Wake up........

At this point, you come barreling out from the shadows.

You: Stop! (use the International "stop" motion of holding palm outward) I want you two jerks out of here! PRONTO!

(The actors flee. You coolly sit down next to her - make sure you've showered and you're well groomed).

Bartender: What do you want to drink Mac?

You: I'll take a scotch on the rocks. And for the lady, she'll have some (pause, look at her and cock head).... sexual healing - FROM ME - not from you.

Good luck! And to hear the Sexual Healing song and really get it into your blood, click here.

So that's my Friday send off song. And the shout out this week goes to new readers Belle from Fawty.com, Vic from the blog What Were You Thinking? and Cameron from Get The Stink Off.

Check out their blogs and tell them who sent you. Me. That's who.

Clarinets, Practical Jokes, Traditions and America

So here's another practical joke/leg pulling in my series. Years ago when I was first dating Mrs Z, she and my sister's boyfriend were over my parents house for a big 4th of July party. It was probably the 3rd or 4th time each of them had been at the house. So this is what happens:

Me: (to future Ms. Z and boyfriend): So did Julie tell you two about the speech?

Ms Z: What speech?

Me: The 4th of July speech.

Boyfriend: What are you talking about.

Me: My Dad is really patriotic so every 4th of July, before he plays some patriotic songs on the clarinet, he asks that new people do a speech about what America means to them.

Ms Z: Are you kidding?

Me: Well it's not really a speech, you just have to tell some things about why you think America is great, or 4th of July memories. Stuff like that. But you should make some notes because it's got to be like five minutes long. And don't make a mockery of it while you're doing it because...well.....just don't.

Boyfriend: Five minutes each?

Me: Yeah each or you can do it together. Either way, you guys should start thinking of some things because you have to be ready right before dinner. We'll be doing it in the living room. That's the tradition.

I let them suffer for about five minutes then I told them I was kidding. Suckaaaaas.

How to Get Dumped By Someone By Mastering This..

While driving the other day, I was trying to make this face that Jerry Blank made one time while she was dancing. As I looked in the mirror I realized how unbelievably ugly it made me look. I know. Me? But while doing it I had an epiphany. With a few modifications, I think I've come up with the perfect expression that will make anyone want to break up with you.

First, here is the face. It's very important to look in the mirror while trying to master this look so you can get the full effect:

1) Using your tongue, push your lower lip out as far as you can. Kind of like when someone puts a piece of orange in their mouth.
2) Tilt your head slightly and do the thing where it looks like you don't have a chin.
3) Cross you eyes but only the slightest crossing you can do or else it will look like you're just making a joke.
4) Now shrug your shoulders. Stay with me. We're almost home.
5) Breath heavily from your nose and nod your head slightly.
6) Finally, very softly, every once in a while say, "Aww that's it. Yeah you got it."
What do you see when you look in the mirror? Yup. A fucking ugly monster. Holy shit. I'm getting skeeved out just thinking about you. Go ahead, sneak another peak.

Now the key is to use this expression during sex, when being introduced to his or her friends, and a few times a week when reading and you come across something interesting or slightly humorous. When asked why you're suddenly making this face, say nothing. Just silently shed a tear, walk briskly to a bathroom and lock yourself in.

Blogger Reveals Contents Of Email He Sent To Another Blogger

So I send an email to my blogger friend Falwless this morning about something that happened last night and she said I should post it. Here you go:

......Also, was getting a beer in West Chester at the end of the day and this is what really happened. Only 6 people in this Irish Pub [Kildare's]. This hot chick. I mean hot - approaches me. I'd been reading the blog comments on my blackberry but the whole subject of bloggers and meeting bloggers was kind of in my head. Oh yeah, and I have my best suit on so I'm looking gooood [I'm not making this part up]:

Chick: Excuse me.
Me: Hi
Chick: Are you Jim?
Me: Yep.
Chick: I'm Eileen.
Me: Hi. How are you doing Eileen (trying to figure out where I know her from).
Chick: So how are you?
Me: Pretty good.
Chick: So it's uh..nice to meet you.
Me: Wait do I know you?
Chick: yeah, we've talked and...yeah.
Me: What's your name?
Chick: Eileen. And you're Jim.
Me: Where do I know you from? (thinking she's a blogger that somehow found out who Zibbs was)
Chick: We were supposed to meet here for a date.
Me: ..Um. I don't think so.
Chick: Oh. (sits down 2 seats away)
Me: I'm married and I was just sitting here having a beer...
Chick: Oh well I was supposed to meet a blind date here and his name is also Jim. It's one of those online dating service things. You kind of look like what he described himself as (she looks confused)
Jim: Oh. Well he'll probably be here soon.
Chick: I thought that you saw me - then you were disappointed so you were pretending you weren't him.
Me: No. I'm married but if I wasn't I'd ...go out with you. (bartender is witnessing the whole thing)

..then I went on to talk for a few minutes and I told her I have a friend that's single and he's a good looking guy with a good job and he just started doing the online dating thing as well. She asked if I would give him her number and I said yes. Just then Jim (the poor man's Jim) walked in so we stopped talking. I was only there for one beer but she wrote her phone number (digits to the hep) on a napkin and gave it to the bartender when she went to the bathroom and the bartender slipped it to me. Interesting.

Here's A Dynomite Website About Who's Gettin' It On

Jimmy JJ Walker dated Ann Coulter? Yup. According to the website that you'll be wasting your morning on. The site is whosdatedwho.com. On the site you can click on names and see who they're linked to. Here are just a few discoveries:

Ally Sheedy and Richie Sambora...what?

Janis Joplin and Robert Plant....Holy cow!

Linda Pearl and Desi Arnaz, Jr......Well.I.Never!

Dr Zibbs and Charlotte Rae....in her dreams!

Note that there are codes on the site: R= Relationship, O=Onscreen romance etc.

If you see any good connections, leave them in the comments section.