Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Thank God I Didn't Go On "Dancin' On Air." Kelly Ripa. Philly.


Freshman year of college I was dating this chick Ellen and she had a bunch of annoying friends that she lived with in the all girl's dorm. (Who the hell lives in the all girl's dorm?)

Anyways, a bunch of them were going to go to Philly to be on the TV show "Dancin' on Air"*. And I ALMOST went. I forget why I didn't go but THANK GOD! If me dancing on a cheesy ass TV show from the 80's ended up on Youtube I would probably have to kill myself. With my tight jeans and big ass hair...Could you imagine??

But of course my life would have been different because I probably would have met and married Kelly Ripa (see picture above).

And speaking of things that I almost did (cringe category) but didn't  - here's another one... I was in 11th grade and my sister's boyfriend and her were going to a party. Or maybe it was at a bar. I forget. Anyways, I was a huge Doors fan (now I can't even listen to them) and he said, "I can talk to the band and see if you can sing a Doors song if you want"

I was like, "Yeah OK!"

So we go to the party and the plan was that I was going to sing Roadhouse Blues. Well turns out they "couldn't fit me in" or "there's no way in hell we want some kid we don't even know singing a song". But either way thank God because it would have been a disaster! I've never sung with a band, I'm a terrible singer and I'm sure 10 seconds into it people would have been looking at me like, "What the hell is this train wreck?" And I would have turned into a deer in headlights. I really think I would have stopped halfway through and  just walked off the stage.

Phew!! That was a close one!

Oh and here's Kelly Ripa now. I wonder what our kids would have looked like? But if we did end up together I'd have to tell her to tone it down a bit because she's way too chatty.


*They were going because "Michael" knew someone that could get everyone on. Michael was this flaming gay dude that wasn't out of the closet yet. And he was a complete a-hole. His only friends were a bunch of the girls from  the girl's dorm and he was a gossipy little shit. And all of the girls would say, "I can't believe Michael doesn't have a girlfriend. He's so great!" Uh...yeah I know why. He likes dudes.

14 comments:

sybil law said...

I really, really wish you'd gone to that show and danced. I really want to laugh AT you.
Kelly Rippa is annoying.
And I, also cannot listen to The Doors anymore because I too loved them to death in high school.
:)

Dr Zibbs said...

...BY the way "Dancin' on Air" was a show that filmed in Philly. Not sure it was in other markets.

Dr Zibbs said...

Sybil - My friend Larry sent me a picture of myself from 12th grade dancing and I wanted to grab it and burn it. So humiliating.

Dr Zibbs said...

...And Kelly Ripa is annoying but I would make her change.

Melissa Pace said...

Sorry about your almost wife. Your kids would have been beautiful.

Dr Zibbs said...

Melissa - I know! Well they already are but maybe they'd have blond hair.

Scope said...

And if she didn't shut up, would you Ripa her a new one?

BamaTrav said...

Not being able to sing has never stopped me from taking the mike, just ask Heff, hahaha

Dr Zibbs said...

Scope- baba ching.

Bama - Then lets hear you belt out some tunes.

Anonymous said...

Recently someone asked who I would like to see 'hologrammed' and perform in this way, post mortem .. I answered the Doors but hey, if there's any chance in seeing you dance or sing on an ancient video on Youtube, that would be just as great !!

Dominica

Dr Zibbs said...

Dominica - Ha. And if I can get the dancing picture of me from my friend I'll email it to you.

Anonymous said...

You thank God a lot for saving your ass from embarrassing moments. I thought you'd thank the Easter Bunny.

Suze said...

Least it wasn't your big-ass jeans and tight hair.

Dr Zibbs said...

Anonymous - hey who is this? Ha!

Suze - Funny you say that because someone I know just told me that now I wear my jeans too loose (which doesn't show off my ass)