Tiki For Sale In West Whiteland - Blogger Consider Offer

Someone on Burke Road in West Whiteland is selling a Tiki. You know Burke Road, it's right near Peirce Middle School - or more importantly - where I had a dance fight a few weeks ago at the Waltz Farm Barn- you know - where the buffalo are? Yeah..you know. Anyways, a resident on Burke Road has a hand carved Tiki Totem Pole for sale (see picture above).

It's been sitting there for a 2 months. So I think now is the time to try and bargain him down if you know what I mean. It looks like there might be a price tag on it but it's hard to tell from the picture. Here's how I see the deal going down:

ME: (looking at totem and kicking it at the base): Interesting. Kind of similar to the Brady Tiki but with extra heads. This would be great to throw crap at near my Garden of Hope.

Artist: (approaching from the shadows) She's a beaut huh? They say you don't choose a totem. A totem chooses you.

Me: What do they say about who chooses the price?

Artist: 45.

Me: 45? It's $45?

Artist: 45 hours. That's how long it took me to create her.

Me: But it looks like the symmetry's a bit off.... Are you finished yet?

Artist: (stares blankly)

Me: ..you see right on the..left....

Artist: Would you care to guess as to the inspiration of this particular piece?

Me: Uhh...stump grinders are too expensive?

Artist: (Angrily) Incorrect. The Haida people of the Queen Charlotte Islands.

Me: OK so how about $5?

Artist: That's an insult!

Me: Come on. It' been sitting here for months. Let's face the facts, nobody's gonna buy it. I just want to put it back near my garden - away from street view - so I can chuck tomatoes at it and shit. How about $10.

Artist: Sold.

Me: Um...does the $10 include delivery?

Artist: (Veins bulging on forehead) Please exit my property!