Friday, September 19, 2008

Tiki For Sale In West Whiteland - Blogger Consider Offer


Someone on Burke Road in West Whiteland is selling a Tiki. You know Burke Road, it's right near Peirce Middle School - or more importantly - where I had a dance fight a few weeks ago at the Waltz Farm Barn- you know - where the buffalo are? Yeah..you know. Anyways, a resident on Burke Road has a hand carved Tiki Totem Pole for sale (see picture above).

It's been sitting there for a 2 months. So I think now is the time to try and bargain him down if you know what I mean. It looks like there might be a price tag on it but it's hard to tell from the picture. Here's how I see the deal going down:

ME: (looking at totem and kicking it at the base): Interesting. Kind of similar to the Brady Tiki but with extra heads. This would be great to throw crap at near my Garden of Hope.
Artist: (approaching from the shadows) She's a beaut huh? They say you don't choose a totem. A totem chooses you.
Me: What do they say about who chooses the price?
Artist: 45.
Me: 45? It's $45?
Artist: 45 hours. That's how long it took me to create her.
Me: But it looks like the symmetry's a bit off.... Are you finished yet?
Artist: (stares blankly)
Me: ..you see right on the..left....
Artist: Would you care to guess as to the inspiration of this particular piece?
Me: Uhh...stump grinders are too expensive?
Artist: (Angrily) Incorrect. The Haida people of the Queen Charlotte Islands.
Me: OK so how about $5?
Artist: That's an insult!
Me: Come on. It' been sitting here for months. Let's face the facts, nobody's gonna buy it. I just want to put it back near my garden - away from street view - so I can chuck tomatoes at it and shit. How about $10.
Artist: Sold.
Me: Um...does the $10 include delivery?
Artist: (Veins bulging on forehead) Please exit my property!

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have seen the Tiki and I believe the term "artist" is quite generous.

Suze said...

Brady bunch...ha ha ha!

Falwless said...

Who pays for stuff anymore? Get your own discount - the five finger kind.

Gwen said...

I'm with Fal - you and Anon should rendezvous in the middle of the night and nab that sucker. If you wanted blog material out of it, you could leave a ransom note.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

That tiki looks like its seen a lot of wear and tear. Probably got rust inside it, too. You'd be doing them a favour by robbing it.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA You'd do really well haggling down in Mexico with the vendors. I need to get back down there.....ya have some time go with?

I actually LOVE your new Tiki!! Can I buy one? Would that $5 include shipping???

HAPPY FRIDAY!!
- Jennifer

enc said...

It's a bargain at twice the price.

Bubs said...

I think that tiki is my rural cousin.

Some Guy said...

You are a madman, Dr. Zibbs! It's hard to get me to laugh out loud and you do it consistently.

Dr Zibbs said...

Someguy - I know. I'm good.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps you could set it next to the lovely water feature your sister gave you for Christmas that's propped against your house!!! Maybe she should just re-wrap and give it to you again this Christmas!!!!

180/360 said...

You should definitely go back and steal- even if for just one night of tomato bashing.

Chris said...

Tiki's remind me of Brady Bunch episodes involving Vincent Price.

But your negotiation skills amaze me. Would love to see you destroy a car salesman.