Father Kelly. I Wonder Who That Is? Twitter.

Shhh. I've got a confession. In addition to being @DrZibbs on Twitter, I'm also a character called @FatherKelly. My profile says, "Disgruntled Catholic Priest. Seemed like a wise career choice at the time".

In three days I already have over 200 followers. Sweet. I'm trying to only tweet once or twice a day with my "A" material. Here's the feed so far:

They say you can't throw a stick around priests w/out hitting a gay. So I throw a stick and I hit Father Brennan right in the nuts. Irony.

So I'm sorting through the collection basket booty and I found..ready for this?... a hermit crab & a tooth! WTF!

My vampire fighting class starts in 15 minutes. Love the class but the instructor is a SUCH a know-it-all dick!

BOY:What's Leviticus? ME:It was an ancient tool for cutting off the nuts of sinners. BOY Really? ME:Naaa I'm just fuckin' with ya.

Sometimes in the confessional box I'll say, "You did what?! I don't believe you. Bring pictures to prove it". Some of them actually do.

So today at the exorcism the dumbass holding down the kids' legs turns and says, "Wow. This is just like The Exorcist" I.SHIT.YOU.NOT.

I've got to hand it to our parish though. After we perform an exorcism we give them a "The Devil Made Me Do It" T-shirt. No charge!

I have to perform a God damn exorcism today. I'm gonna throw in the line "ooga booga" and see if anyone notices.

Sister Mary Catherine - Chhhh Uhhhh! ..Damn it you got it goin' on! I mean...God Bless.

Just got a call requesting that I bless a parakeet. I'm not making this up. I told them a 5th of scotch was usual payment. They bought it.

Note to self: Suggest replacing the communion bells with a blow horn.

Time to make the communion wafers.

Saint Francis of Assisi In Norristown, Porn Staches and More!

So I was at my cousin's funeral on Saturday. It was the fourth family funeral this year. It was at Saint Assisi in Norristown. I think I need to spend more time in church because whenever I do I just see things that I might not normally notice. Here are a few:

- The alter looked like it was designed by the set designer from The Planet of the Apes (see image above).

- The one statue looked like the guy from ABBA (the bearded one).

- The other large statue looked like it was holding a weird large ball. I turned to my bother and whispered, "You never really do see the Patron Saint Of Volleyball in statue form do you?" - He couldn't stop laughing but I was able to talk myself down.

- The alter boy had a porn mustache.

- I was sitting directly behind my dad. I'm not sure who's cutting his hair but he needs to get his neck trimmed. It's the first time I saw him and thought that he reminded me of Matlock.

- Is there a name for the sing/talk thing that priests do? Do they rehearse it before hand? Are there albums available? I think I'd be pretty good at it.

Thanks Norristown Saint Francis of Assisi.

WCOJ Is Forever Gone - Closed - Chester County Mourns

WCOJ - we hardly new ye'. It's a sad day in Chester County folks. WCOJ, the West Chester radio station that has been broadcasting since 1952 has been sold to Holy Spirit Radio and will begin airing Catholic programming shortly.

And I have a confession to make. The "special person" that used to call in as "Marty from Downingtown" on the Early Edition with JT was indeed me - Dr Zibbs. Thanks for the memories WCOJ. Goodbye JT Morgan, Robert Henson, Mary Bigham, Ron "Swap Shop" O'Neil and the commercials of Pipe Xpress and Brenda's Vac Shop. I'm gonna miss ya. Let's all do lunch real soon.

I guess that leaves me only one choice. Start working on my imitations of the Devil and Jesus for the calls I'll be making to the new station. I feel it's my duty.

Bishop Shanahan Goes Green With Yearbook Deletions

It looks as though Downingtown's Bishop Shanahan High School will be going green in a very unique way. According to faculty, the PA Catholic school will be doing it's part to help with the environmental problems by cutting back on the unnecessary practice of publishing yearbook photos of both individual pairs of twins. An unnamed teacher put it this way,

"We all know that twins are pretty much the same person. It makes no sense that we have to see Ted Norris AND Billy Norris. It's redundant. We have not calculated the amount of ink and paper that will be saved, but I'm sure it will add up."

The school is first in the Philadelphia Archdiocese to participate in this test program. The hope, according to church officials is to make such a great impact on the environment, that the possibility of An Inconvenient Truth PART 2, will be ruled out.