Monday, August 24, 2009

Saint Francis of Assisi In Norristown, Porn Staches and More!



So I was at my cousin's funeral on Saturday. It was the fourth family funeral this year. It was at Saint Assisi in Norristown. I think I need to spend more time in church because whenever I do I just see things that I might not normally notice. Here are a few:

- The alter looked like it was designed by the set designer from The Planet of the Apes (see image above).

- The one statue looked like the guy from ABBA (the bearded one).

- The other large statue looked like it was holding a weird large ball. I turned to my bother and whispered, "You never really do see the Patron Saint Of Volleyball in statue form do you?" - He couldn't stop laughing but I was able to talk myself down.

- The alter boy had a porn mustache.

- I was sitting directly behind my dad. I'm not sure who's cutting his hair but he needs to get his neck trimmed. It's the first time I saw him and thought that he reminded me of Matlock.

- Is there a name for the sing/talk thing that priests do? Do they rehearse it before hand? Are there albums available? I think I'd be pretty good at it.

Thanks Norristown Saint Francis of Assisi.

14 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

And once the pics of the statues get posted on their website I'll post them.

It looks like some pics are on the website but they're not loading. Maybe someone could call the rectory and let them know.

Dr Zibbs said...

..he said rectory...

westchesterdead said...

I'm not sure going to church more often will solve your problems. No matter how grave the occasion, the thoughts in your head will never cease to bubble to the surface. Some people refer to this as 'meditation', but I call it 'developing my material'. The trick is to write the good ones down for use later. BTW, 'patron saint of volleyball' is good material. If I was your brother, that would have rendered me useless right on through the after funeral gathering. So, if it helps to increase your comedy material - by all means, go every week. Don't suffer for us little people, though - it's not worth it.

My condolences. Cancer sucks.

Former Fat Chick said...

as ususal all I can say is: see you in hell. Reminded me of when I worked at an all girls catholic HS, I was always getting in trouble with the Nuns!

Dr Zibbs said...

Former Fat Chick - you're going to hell too?

I CALL THE SEAT ON THE COUCH CLOSEST TO THE TV!

Sorry. But I called it.

TishTash said...

There's a Patron Saint of Volleyball? I should have prayed to him. Maybe then he would've let me hit a ball in the direction I intended at least freaking once in gym class.

Dr Zibbs said...

Tish - there is. There really is.

Well not really but we can dream can't we?

diane said...

You really know how to make the most of a bad situation. Love the volleyball statue remark. I bet "funny" runs in your family.

Dominica said...

OK, next time I have to be in church, I will know how to spend the next hour ! And write a blog about it afterwards !
I was at a funeral of a family member years ago and because I was a little late, I was seated in the side wing of the church. The place was filled with people and many of them couldn't sit ; so this guy was standing just in front of me and because it was a long service he began to lean on the church's furniture...just a second after I saw him lean, he fell into the confessional just in front of my face...
I felt bad cause I couldn't stop laughing (in silence) ..OMG, I was shaking so hard !

Dr Zibbs said...

Dominica - good one.

ApatheticAlto said...

That sing/talk thing is called cantoring. I know a lot about it but I'm not going to tell you because I'm still bitter that you didn't show up to the tweetup last night.

Dr Zibbs said...

ApatheticAlto - I wish I could have made it but I had a meeting. Maybe next time.

And who are you?

ApatheticAlto said...

I'm the other half of @westchesterdead. The half that's not as funny but has better breasts.

Dr Zibbs said...

Oh yeah. I realized it after I wrote that. Hope you had a good time last night. (starts to whisper) Between you and me...you was the most boring person there?