Thursday, August 27, 2009

Father Kelly. I Wonder Who That Is? Twitter.



Shhh. I've got a confession. In addition to being @DrZibbs on Twitter, I'm also a character called @FatherKelly. My profile says, "Disgruntled Catholic Priest. Seemed like a wise career choice at the time".

In three days I already have over 200 followers. Sweet. I'm trying to only tweet once or twice a day with my "A" material. Here's the feed so far:

They say you can't throw a stick around priests w/out hitting a gay. So I throw a stick and I hit Father Brennan right in the nuts. Irony.

So I'm sorting through the collection basket booty and I found..ready for this?... a hermit crab & a tooth! WTF!

My vampire fighting class starts in 15 minutes. Love the class but the instructor is a SUCH a know-it-all dick!

BOY:What's Leviticus? ME:It was an ancient tool for cutting off the nuts of sinners. BOY Really? ME:Naaa I'm just fuckin' with ya.

Sometimes in the confessional box I'll say, "You did what?! I don't believe you. Bring pictures to prove it". Some of them actually do.

So today at the exorcism the dumbass holding down the kids' legs turns and says, "Wow. This is just like The Exorcist" I.SHIT.YOU.NOT.

I've got to hand it to our parish though. After we perform an exorcism we give them a "The Devil Made Me Do It" T-shirt. No charge!

I have to perform a God damn exorcism today. I'm gonna throw in the line "ooga booga" and see if anyone notices.

Sister Mary Catherine - Chhhh Uhhhh! ..Damn it you got it goin' on! I mean...God Bless.

Just got a call requesting that I bless a parakeet. I'm not making this up. I told them a 5th of scotch was usual payment. They bought it.

Note to self: Suggest replacing the communion bells with a blow horn.

Time to make the communion wafers.

41 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

P.S. Don't tell anyone on Twitter.

Thanks.

Andrew Rodriguez said...

Genius....sheer, unadulterated genius!

Dr Zibbs said...

Andrew - did you know it was me?

Andrew Rodriguez said...

I had a feeling...and this idea has legs...if you play it straight...lose the modern slang (WTF) and you could pass for a disgruntled priest to the point that the bishop of the diocese will want to shut you down! Run with it!

Dr Zibbs said...

Andrew - I've actually had a few people Direct Tweet me and ask if I'm a real priest. This after saying I was at vampire fighting class.

Eric Lewis said...

Okay, I'll follow you.

Dr Zibbs said...

Eric, please cancel 12,000 of the people you follow so Father Kelly will get more exposure.

Thanks.

Eric Lewis said...

I just canceled over 1,000 a couple days ago, and picked up another couple hundred followers as a result.

Come to a TweetUp sometime and I'll give you lessons. For a Storm King, I'll spill the secret.

Caffeine Court said...

Okay sicko. I'll follow the priest.

B.E. Earl said...

Still more attempts at trying to get me to use Twitter.

It still won't work. ;)

Dr Zibbs said...

BE Earl - one of these days....

Chris said...

Damn, that shit is so funny it makes me want to start twittering just to read the hilarity. That's great stuff, Zibbs. We're talking "nose beer enema" stuff!

nirali said...

that was freaking HILARIOUS!! how m i not following you yet?? ohh wait now i m!! :D

diane said...

That is the best idea I have ever heard! Please keep us non-tweeters updated!

Pop and Ice said...

Geez, so unless I become a disgruntled nun I'll never get 200 Twitter followers. Oh well....

Dominica said...

I knew it !!!!

J.J. in L.A. said...

I thought it was some religious freak trying to get me 'back into the fold'. Then I checked it out...and knew it was you.

Mrs. K said...

being a catholic...I LOVE THIS

moooooog35 said...

That's awesome.

When you're in Hell, tell Rachael Ray we said 'hi.'

miss*H said...

ah man, I've been following 'you' for a week now and wondered if you were a real priest or not too. Its like at Christmas when the school bully tells you father christmas isn't real. Rubbish!!

miss*H said...

ps. please don't tell you are also 'shitmydadsays'? If you are I might aswell kill myself now :)

Dr Zibbs said...

Miss H - thanks for reading my blog. As for shitmydadsays, I've been noticing that some of the people telling other twitterers to follow are having their accounts hacked because the messages are identical.

I still think FatherKelly is funnier but that's just me.

(Literally).

miss*H said...

I've been folowing your blog for ages now boy!!
Its fatherKelly I'm a newbie to :)

Dr Zibbs said...

Now up to 366 followers.

Dr Zibbs said...

Mrs H - I thought you were maybe a different Mrs H. I never forget who reads my blog.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

WHAT??? you brat! GAH I should have listened to my gut on this one. LOL so funny though!

So you were made famous TWICE on my blog today!

Former Fat Chick said...

dude...from now on, just comment for me: SEE YOU IN HELL, so that I don;t have to type this over and over

Mr London Street said...

You are every bit as funny in character as you are as Dr Zibbs.

Dr Zibbs said...

Thanks Mr London Street.

WendyB said...

I wondered who the hell that was.

westchesterdead said...

@FatherKelly is getting connected to @Shitmydadsays on FF lists. Will that have an impact on the Padre's followers volume? I think you'll get a bump. Keep up the good work.

Girl Interrupted said...

Ha! I wondered why you kept mentioning him and saying how funny he was and re-tweeting his tweets!!

Does this have anything to do with your Giant Killer Jesus themed wallpaper on Twitter?

Dr Zibbs said...

Girl I - I wasn't going to tell anyone but then I couldn't resist.

And where have you been lately?

phd in yogurtry said...

Such a sinner, you. 30 Hail Marys and 10 Our Fathers.

Dr Zibbs said...

Meh'

Tommy Salami said...

Should have kept it a secret.

Lorrie said...

You are a FUCKING GENIUS! Thanks again for making my day!

Lorrie from @ReadNEat

Dr Zibbs said...

Thanks Lorrie. Don't be a stranger.

Dr Zibbs said...

And now up to 1053 followers!

gina said...

Aha! I've been following Father Kelly for a couple of weeks now, and was wondering...

Brilliant!

Dr Zibbs said...

Gina - thanks for stopping by. Don't be a stranger.