Recap of Guy's Weekend In Sea Isle City, New Jersey.

So my weekend with the guys in Sea Isle City was great. Here are some random things that happened:

- Lots of card playing but not too much. I'm the only one that doesn't play. I did play a game called Left, Center, Right that is very retard friendly. I didn't win a round.

- Drank shitloads of beer, wine, Crown Royal and Jack Daniel's.

- One friend threw some pallets in the back of his truck on the way down. We burned them in a fire pit. While we're hanging out, this hot chick came up and asked what we were doing and where our wives were. My one friend quickly said, "We're on an all guy's gay weekend". She fell for it. She hung out and drank with us. She was bombed. Then someone realized that she was probably under 21 so we took her beer away. She was wearing a short skirt and you could see her underwear. I pointed that out to her and she said she didn't care. It's funny how one chick can totally change the dynamics of a group of guys. Soon she showed up, all we did was talk to her.

- Laughed our asses off the entire time retelling stories from back in the day. One friend, after telling one practical joke I've done after another said, "You're the meanest person I know". Baby.

- Played whiffle ball on beach.

- Walked to the Springfield Inn (a dive club). Within 10 minutes my friend got kicked out because some drunk asshole said something to him so my friend punched him in the face.

- Tried to find turtles in the bay. Failed.

Overall, a great time with friends I've known most of my life.

That's my quick wrap up since I didn't post yesterday (FIRST TIME IN OVER 10 MONTHS) so I had to write something.

Sea Isle Bird Attack. Funny Animal Attack Video.

It was pretty funny when my sister got attacked by a bird in Sea Isle this weekend. It was weird though. Ten people sitting on a deck at midnight, loud as hell and this bird comes out of nowhere and flaps into her hair. And it wasn't a bat either. I saw it with my own two eyes.

She was freaking out.

We were laughing.

Here's a funny video of various people getting attacked by birds.

Sea Isle City Turtles Reminds Blogger About I Like Turtles Kid.

So when I was rescuing turtles in Sea Isle City this morning and putting them back in the bay I couldn't help thinking of the "I like turtles kid".

Well, it was actually someone else rescuing them put I was playing an important role by standing there, watching and saying, "I like turtles".

Kicking Sand In Face in Sea Isle City

I'm leaving in 5 minutes to go sit on the beach in Sea Isle. I'll bring a sketch pad so I'll be prepared in case this happens:

Sea Isle City Funtown Air Conditioned Considers Galaga Wall of Fame

Don't worry readers of my blog. I've arrived safely back in West Chester, PA from my long weekend in Sea Isle City, NJ. I have to say that I'm a great friend and very generous. Unlike some freeloaders, when I stay completely free for 4 days at someones vacation home, I like to even things up by helping out with some of the groceries. So when I heard that they needed a can of beans and paper towels. I was all over it.

The problem was I was to pick up the items at the worst supermarket on the east coast: The Sea Isle Acme on 61st street (next to Uncle Oogies). I waited in the express line for 10 minutes, then the lady in front of me had an issue with a coupon. I'm not kidding that it took the cashier five full minutes (you're reading that correctly FIVE MINUTES) to resolve the problem. I'm not getting that 15 minutes back. It's sounds like not a big deal but with low blood sugar and all???? Also, I had my heart set on drinking beer by 4:30 and it was already 4:00.

When I get pissed, the only way to make myself feel better is to make someone else feel worse. And since it was so hot I thought I'd make it easy on me - by making a kid feel crappy. So I strut myself a few stores down into Funtown Air Conditioned (just look at that photo above - that place is nice). I walked in slowly, then framed myself like I usually do in the doorway. I usually pick up a used cig from the ground outside, then pretending I was smoking it I flick it at the change person. It intimidates the hell out of the greasers.... and the ladies? ...Come on now..

I then confidently walked over to Galaga and hovered over the machine, tapping my quarters on the side. The punk kid playing Galaga had no idea that I was tapping the tune Eye of the Tiger.

"I've been playing this game since 1981. Are you up to the challenge?"

To make a long story short - I got up to level 7. Level 7. Since Galaga doesn't spit out those crappy little arcade tickets, you don't win any prizes but since I got up to a level 7 I was gonna ask the manager if they'd make an exception because I saw the most adorable little ceramic clown that would have made a nice addition to my clown collection. I even named him - "Coney" - because the rascal was sporting a precious cone shaped hat (see him in the picture below - Coney's to the right of those gay ass rabbits and to the left of that ridiculous carousel horse. He's wearing a sharp, red blouse):

It was getting a bit late so I decided to get back to the house. Since I wanted to meet my goal of beer by 4:30, I borrowed this golf cart that someone irresponsibly left the keys in and made my way back to the house (see golf cart in center of pic):

Mission accomplished. Except for getting Coney but I might make my own Coney out of clay. anyway.

Hopefully Philly Heat Wave Won't Kill Any Old People

It's July 18 and the Philly area is starting another heat wave today. And of course that means that the radio and TV will be reminding everyone to check on the elderly.

(Me holding chin, eyes looking up and the start of dream sequence music).......But I wonder if they ever found an old person a year later that had died in a heat wave because he was too cheap to splurge for a $12 box fan at Walmart. And when they showed up....it was just a human skeleton holding....get ready - here it comes...holding only a handmade paper hand fan. And on that fan was pictures of popsicles and penguins. The words "stay cool Poppy - Love Timmy" were chicken scratched onto the fan - the "L" of course was spelled backwards so they had to find a mirror to hold it up to so they could decipher it. The problem is when they try to pull the fan out of his hand, the whole hand comes off with it.

My question is this: If it were another heat wave (and understanding that Poppy was already dead) - would it be wrong to use the hand fan with creepy skeleton hand still on it to beat the heat while you looked around the house to make sure there were no other survivors (or skeletons)? Of course you wouldn't be making a mockery of the situation by dancing around and saying, "Look at me - I've got a skeleton hand -I've got a 'bone' to pick with you'" - and immature stuff like that.

While you wonder that age long riddle my ass is heading down to Sea Isle City. So looooong suckers! Oh...that reminds me I've got to pack a sweater. I likes to crank up the air.

Sea Isle City Shark Attack Leaves Opening For Finance Director

West Chester, PA

The good news is that THAT BLUE YAK has an opening for Finance Director. Please see job requirements on http://www.monster.com/ and send resume to HR Director Samuel McGrath.

The bad news is that THAT BLUE YAK Finance Director was killed horribly this weekend in a brutal shark attack in Sea Isle City, New Jersey. The terrible mishap happened off of the 54th street beach. Thankfully, the company will receive a quick check from their insurance company for their destroyed wave runner as the horrible mishap was captured on video: