Friday, July 18, 2008

Hopefully Philly Heat Wave Won't Kill Any Old People


It's July 18 and the Philly area is starting another heat wave today. And of course that means that the radio and TV will be reminding everyone to check on the elderly.

(Me holding chin, eyes looking up and the start of dream sequence music).......But I wonder if they ever found an old person a year later that had died in a heat wave because he was too cheap to splurge for a $12 box fan at Walmart. And when they showed up....it was just a human skeleton holding....get ready - here it comes...holding only a handmade paper hand fan. And on that fan was pictures of popsicles and penguins. The words "stay cool Poppy - Love Timmy" were chicken scratched onto the fan - the "L" of course was spelled backwards so they had to find a mirror to hold it up to so they could decipher it. The problem is when they try to pull the fan out of his hand, the whole hand comes off with it.

My question is this: If it were another heat wave (and understanding that Poppy was already dead) - would it be wrong to use the hand fan with creepy skeleton hand still on it to beat the heat while you looked around the house to make sure there were no other survivors (or skeletons)? Of course you wouldn't be making a mockery of the situation by dancing around and saying, "Look at me - I've got a skeleton hand -I've got a 'bone' to pick with you'" - and immature stuff like that.

While you wonder that age long riddle my ass is heading down to Sea Isle City. So looooong suckers! Oh...that reminds me I've got to pack a sweater. I likes to crank up the air.

14 comments:

Gwen said...

You daydream about old, dead people and using their bones to cool yourself, and I'M the mean one?

the indefatigable mjenks said...

I've got to hand it to you, that's quite a dilemma.

Dr Zibbs said...

Gwen, I think you didn't read the post carefully. It said the person DIDN'T make a mockery of the situation. How many times have I told you readers you need to slow down and really take your time reading my gems?

Falwless said...

GET IT? HE HAS "TO HAND IT TO YOU"?????? THIS IS WHY HE WON MY CAPTION CONTEST. Whew.

The problem is I would be making a mockery of the situation by dancing around and saying, "Look at me - I've got a skeleton hand -I've got a 'bone' to pick with you'" and immature stuff like that.

That's just how I roll.

the indefatigable mjenks said...

Okay, seriously Falwless, how is this getting me to not want to stalk you? Serious.

Mo said...

Hehehehehehehheheheh.

Oh, Jesus. That was brilliant.
Thanks for the laugh, and have fun in Sea Isle City...

BeckEye said...

New York is having a heat wave too. Why does no one care about the non-elderly during these times? I feel like my head is going to explode and my vagina is going to fuse shut.

Red said...

It's a lovely 72 degrees in San Diego...suckers!

Teri said...

AND why did they close the Philly schools today? Just insane.

J Morgetron said...

I'm gonna go with NO. It's not okay. But that's because my poppy died of heat stroke and when they found him, he was holding the fan I had woven from sheep's wool in his gnarled and very much cooked hand.


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I just made that story up. Did it make you feel back even for a second?

J Morgetron said...

I mean BAD not back. Gawwwlll.

S E E Quine said...

` Just when I thought your thoughts couldn't get any weirder....

Jill said...

My husband always has a bone to pick with me.

Rachel said...

Oh my god. I know I've said it before, but there is something wrong with you. I love it.