Jesus Golfing? Oh Come On - He's Just Grinding. Look at that Expression.

Jesus: Now what you want to do Suzy is just swing the club like this....

Suzy: What's that thing pushing against me?

Jesus: Uh...that's a golf tool Suzy..it's called a...a divot. Yeah it's a divot.

Billy: A divot's not a golf tool Jesus. A divot is a ...

Jesus: Did I ask you to speak Billy? Do you want to go to hell? Be on your way. Now.. back to the grinding...I MEAN golfing lesson.

Look at B.E.Earl Gettin' All Sexual And What Not

I've mentioned B.E.Earl before. I really like his blog. Here's a link to some sexual positions he was talking about. It's worth going there just to check out the animation on this post. The cartoon dude's butt creeps me out, but then again, the only dude's butt that doesn't creep me out is mine- when I catch a gimpse of it in the mirror.

Whatever. Check the post though. It's about sexual positions.

The link is here.

Tenacious D Double Team - Check This Out

A few readers may know that I'm a major Tenacious D fan. Jack Black is brilliant. Not only have I seen them in concert a few times but I was a huge fan before they were even widely known. This was when they had shorts on Mr Show. And I might add that I used to stand up years ago in Philly with Paul F Tompkins . He's the MC in this video and a Philly area native.

If you haven't seen all of the Tenacious D shorts, rush out and either get the Tenacious D DVD or the Mr Show DVD's. Comedy gold.

Also, their first album is not only hysterical but musically? ....Kickass..

Here's one of my favorite songs from the album - Double Team.

Part 3 - Conclusion of Sexy Dream Revealed By Blogger

(as many of you know, some sexy business has started with Gwen the blogger. See parts one and two, then clean yourself off and read on).

...so the love making went on for hours. Dr Zibbs needed some energy so Gwen made him a hearty breakfast that included some eggs Benedict and some freshly squeezed OJ and then it continued...

Gwen: (lying on Zibbs and playfully twirling his hair) Are you ready to go again?

Zibbs: After being revitalized with that heavenly Bearnaise sauce my dear? Of course.

Pumping resumes. Positions that make the Kamasutra look like a Bazooka Joe strip are used.

Gwen: Zibbs..

Zibbs: "Doctor" ..Zibbs please.

Gwen: Dr Zibbs, the things that you've done to me..the way you held my leg up and the softly tickled the arch of my foot. Thank God I lotion myself all over like I wrote in that one blog post a few weeks ago. ...the emotions that you've brought out...how did you learn all of this??...What exotic lands must one travel to get to this level of sexual experience? Are you even human??...How does one man please a woman like...

Zibbs: (covers her mouth) Shhhhhhh.

Gwen: I'm sorry baby (girlishly) Am I talking too much?

Zibbs: No I just heard the Bearnaise sauce bubbling in the kitchen. Would you mind topping this piece of poached egg off?

Gwen: Anything my dear.

She gets up (TOTALLY NUDE) and walks into the kitchen. Zibbs playfully throws a sausage patty at her ass. It sticks for a second then falls to the floor. She giggles. Gwen also totally ignores the fact that Eggs Benedict are made with Hollandaise sauce and not Bearnaise.

Zibbs: Get links next time baby. Get links.

Gwen: (returns to the bed and spoons some Bearnaise over a piece of Zibbs's last piece of egg and feeds it to him) How's that Dr Zibbs? Can we get back to fucking now?

Zibbs: Gwen, we can after you answer me one question.

Gwen: What is it stallion?

Zibbs: Why are there 100 shoes lined up over there behind that curtain?

Gwen: (nervously) Um. I just like to line my shoes up behind there like that?

Zibbs: Gwen, let's take this from the top. Why are there 100 shoes lined up over there?

Gwen: You know don't you?

Zibbs: (shaking head) Of course I do. It's OK, let them in.

Gwen: (walks over to the curtain and pulls it back to reveal 50 of his female bloggers from his record breaking 104 followers that have been hiding.....and watching.....and learning.... behind a curtain in the bedroom)
C'mon girls!

The 50 bloggers jump onto the bed and the "gettin it on" begins. Mind you it's an enormous bed.

Zibbs: Gwen, you better put on some more Bearnaise...we're gonna need it. (Pauses, turns toward camera and shrugs) Here we go again.

And CUT!

Part 2 of My Sexy Dream With A Gwen The Blogger

So I feel pretty lame that everyone complained that the dream I had about a blogger didn't get hotter. What do you people want? I was just describing a dream. So here are some portions of the transcript I will share after going to a hypnotist today (in tears) to help me continue that dream:

Zibbs: (sleeping like a baby on Gwen's cot he feels two things - a very bit symmetrically off for some reason - covering his eyes) What the?

Gwen: (in sexy voice) We call that the Saint Louis grapefruit face squoosh.

Zibbs: (wakes up with Gwen's ample breasts in his face) What? Why I never......... (He grabs Gwen and wrestles her to the floor. They roll off of the porch he was forced to sleep on and into her coolly decorated den)

A few minutes pass- Gwen is pinned to the floor. Similar to what you'd expect in a Bond movie

Zibbs: Gwen, you knew it was coming to this. So at what point was it that you knew you had to have me? Was it the comment I wrote about your wacky wafers? The post I wrote back in June about the pear shaped people? My posts about retarded people? Or perhaps the dreams you've had of THIS! (he pulls out a pen and writes a note revealing that his handwriting is in fact the writing of Brian - the dude that left a note on Gwen's garage). You see Gwen. If you mix up the word "Brian" and reconfigure them, they spell "Brain". And my brain coincidentally is located in my dick. And by dick, I'm referring to what doctors call...the penis.

Gwen: (all starry eyed and shit) Take me. In the roughest way possible. Well, start gentle but then get rough after the first minute.

Zibbs: (Zibbs snaps his fingers ala' the Fonz. Al Green's "Tired of Being Alone" starts playing on the stereo. Gwen doesn't notice that it has nothing to do with Zibb's finger snap, but a Zibbs staff member that reached around the corner and turned on the stereo). You my dear, are about to experience something that's ...well, I won't tell you ...I'll show you.

Gwen: (eyes widen then shut - lips pucker - back arches - knowing that she's about to experience something that that only a few select hundreds have) TAKE ME TO THAT LAND!! WHAAAAAAA!

It begins

To be continued

Let's Get It On - If You Know What I Mean

Some of my more savvy readers are able to read between the lines when they hear Marvin Gaye singing, "Let's Get It On*." For those of you non hipsters who don't know what the hell he's talking about and don't have the time to painstakingly dissect the lyrics, I'm going to tell you. He's talking about having sex. Long, hot, steamy, "it's funny until someone loses an eye" sex.

I was thinking about doing a contest with this song and then getting it on with one of my readers and then when I worked out some of the details on paper I just couldn't justify it. Mostly because on the "Cons" side of my worksheet the large, circled words "Skanks" and "Dudes" was really starting to creep me out.

So anyways, enjoy this live Marvin Gaye clip from Montreux circa 1980. And don't forget to stop back over the weekend for some other great stuff happening at the old TBY.




*and speaking of "getting it on", by the looks of all that sweat, someone better be "getting him....a paper towel or washcloth."

Here's A Dynomite Website About Who's Gettin' It On

Jimmy JJ Walker dated Ann Coulter? Yup. According to the website that you'll be wasting your morning on. The site is whosdatedwho.com. On the site you can click on names and see who they're linked to. Here are just a few discoveries:

Ally Sheedy and Richie Sambora...what?

Janis Joplin and Robert Plant....Holy cow!

Linda Pearl and Desi Arnaz, Jr......Well.I.Never!

Dr Zibbs and Charlotte Rae....in her dreams!

Note that there are codes on the site: R= Relationship, O=Onscreen romance etc.

If you see any good connections, leave them in the comments section.

Costume Rental Places: Please Contact Whiskey Marie

I was reading my friend Whiskey Marie's blog post this morning and it turns out she's having some issues with her contractor. She says in her post that she's going to give him a break and hand him a get out of jail free card.

Since the lovely blogger Gwen so nicely gave her a gift basket recently, it's making me ponder what I can give her so I too can be her friend. Well, I'm already her blogger friend I assume, but I want to be MORE than that. She's one of these chicks that's not only really good looking and sexy but she's also really cool and she's a rocker type and doesn't care about posting pics of herself in goofy (cute) poses. I'm seein' the relationship developing into something like we're hanging out, watching Elvis Costello and other Punk (and some New Wave) videos - (I'll whip out Waiting for Guffman if things seem to be getting too serious). We'll probably be chompin' on some really fresh shrimp and eating pistachios. And she's really cool too- she insists I throw the shells on the floor. She's like that.

Anyways, we're also discussing blogging and she says, "I really like that you're a DOCTOR Zibbs. Would you mind taking a look at this mole and make sure it hasn't moved?"

She pulls up her white tank top (no bra - she's like that) and points to her nipple, jokingly meaning that her nipple is the mole. After she pins me to the floor and tickles me, crazy, laughed filled screwing begins..Squeeze's "Pulling Muscles From A Shell" is blaring. .....Man this is gonna be great!

OK, here's my gift so we can move this friendship up to the next level: Instead of just handing your contractor the Get Out of Jail Free Card, I'll come over, put on the Monopoly Man outfit that's going to be arriving at your house soon and hand it to him wearing the costume. And to really make it great, you'll say to him, there's one more thing to fix, it's in that closet. You leave the room and when he opens the closet, I emerge, all royally and hand his lazy ass the card and say, "You've earned this" (and I'll say it exactly how King Friday from Mr Rogers would say it. I might ad lib something in there about Lady Elaine but I'm not sure yet).

OK, there you go. Call me when the costume arrives. I'll bring the shrimp and pistachios.