TBY Product Warning: The Egg Genie. Do NOT Buy This Product!

Do any of you wonder if you may be retarded? Open your cabinet. Did you purchase the Egg Genie?

You did?

Well, you better sit down because I've got something to tell you. Are you ready. You my friend are retarded.

You have to be. I saw the commercial yesterday and the Egg Genie* is the most useless kitchen gadget since the microwave bacon cooker. It claims to cook eggs perfectly. Do you know how I cook eggs perfectly? I use a timer.

I'd like to interview the people that watch this commercial then are convinced that they not only need this but that after a few months they'll actually still be using it.

And one more thing. Who the hell uses soft boiled eggs for Eggs Benedict? Retarded people you say? Case closed.

If you want to see the commercial and featuring the soft boiled Eggs Benedict click here.

*and could you imagine if you received the Egg Genie as a gift? I'd love to see the anticipation on the faces of the people that gave you the gift as they sit there in anticipation, thinking that you're going to open it and be all excited. And they're waiting to yell, "..and it's great for making soft boiled eggs for Eggs Benedict. It's right there on the side of the box!" Then they look around proudly see if anyone else at the party is looking at them and thinking, "Great. Let's pretend you're sick so we can leave. We're going to look like fools when our gift is opened and they see that we only gave them cash. Stupid, non-egg steaming cash".

Happy Easter. WCHE 1520. Gigantic Monster Jesus.

Number one - stay calm. If my calculations are correct, the real Jesus will rise from the dead today at 3:00. He will have grown to 100 feet tall.

And he's pissed.

I'm urging all citizens to gather as many eggs as they can. When the gigantic Jesus approaches you, throw the eggs directly at his heart. You've got to trust me on this.

I will be releasing a message to all survivors via the West Chester radio station WCHE 1520 AM in a few days with a plan for rebuilding.

Good luck.

How Many Eggs Does One Have To Eat To Be Labeled A Glutton?

So we're watching the Philadelphia Eagles beat the Vikings on Sunday at John Smith's house and we were getting on their son's case about a meal he had a few weeks ago. OK. First - what would you consider to be an amount of fried eggs and slices of bread that would cause you to say, "What the hell!! Are you kidding me?"

OK. Hold onto you plates. Here it comes....

My man had 10 fried eggs and a half a loaf of bread for breakfast! What??????

He's not obese. Yet. If I were one of those carnival workers that guesses weight and height, I'd say he's about 175 pounds and 5' 6". And his build is stocky/muscular. And he's about 22 years old.

Is it just me or is this ridiculous? And the let me know if you have any nickname ideas. So far, the tops ones are Eggy, Eggs and my favorite Huevos Diez.

Part 3 - Conclusion of Sexy Dream Revealed By Blogger

(as many of you know, some sexy business has started with Gwen the blogger. See parts one and two, then clean yourself off and read on).

...so the love making went on for hours. Dr Zibbs needed some energy so Gwen made him a hearty breakfast that included some eggs Benedict and some freshly squeezed OJ and then it continued...

Gwen: (lying on Zibbs and playfully twirling his hair) Are you ready to go again?

Zibbs: After being revitalized with that heavenly Bearnaise sauce my dear? Of course.

Pumping resumes. Positions that make the Kamasutra look like a Bazooka Joe strip are used.

Gwen: Zibbs..

Zibbs: "Doctor" ..Zibbs please.

Gwen: Dr Zibbs, the things that you've done to me..the way you held my leg up and the softly tickled the arch of my foot. Thank God I lotion myself all over like I wrote in that one blog post a few weeks ago. ...the emotions that you've brought out...how did you learn all of this??...What exotic lands must one travel to get to this level of sexual experience? Are you even human??...How does one man please a woman like...

Zibbs: (covers her mouth) Shhhhhhh.

Gwen: I'm sorry baby (girlishly) Am I talking too much?

Zibbs: No I just heard the Bearnaise sauce bubbling in the kitchen. Would you mind topping this piece of poached egg off?

Gwen: Anything my dear.

She gets up (TOTALLY NUDE) and walks into the kitchen. Zibbs playfully throws a sausage patty at her ass. It sticks for a second then falls to the floor. She giggles. Gwen also totally ignores the fact that Eggs Benedict are made with Hollandaise sauce and not Bearnaise.

Zibbs: Get links next time baby. Get links.

Gwen: (returns to the bed and spoons some Bearnaise over a piece of Zibbs's last piece of egg and feeds it to him) How's that Dr Zibbs? Can we get back to fucking now?

Zibbs: Gwen, we can after you answer me one question.

Gwen: What is it stallion?

Zibbs: Why are there 100 shoes lined up over there behind that curtain?

Gwen: (nervously) Um. I just like to line my shoes up behind there like that?

Zibbs: Gwen, let's take this from the top. Why are there 100 shoes lined up over there?

Gwen: You know don't you?

Zibbs: (shaking head) Of course I do. It's OK, let them in.

Gwen: (walks over to the curtain and pulls it back to reveal 50 of his female bloggers from his record breaking 104 followers that have been hiding.....and watching.....and learning.... behind a curtain in the bedroom)
C'mon girls!

The 50 bloggers jump onto the bed and the "gettin it on" begins. Mind you it's an enormous bed.

Zibbs: Gwen, you better put on some more Bearnaise...we're gonna need it. (Pauses, turns toward camera and shrugs) Here we go again.

And CUT!