West Chester Man Tells All Who Will Listen What He Ate Today So Far.

I really should be like 280 pounds*. I don't know why I'm not because I eat so much junk.

I think I have the metabolism of a hummingbird. Here's what I've consumed today (by 12:30):

Tastykake Krimets (breakfast)
2 tic tacs
Large sticky bun (someone brought to work)
Cheesesteak with extra cheese
Snickers ice cream bar (large)
9 glasses of water (not all at one time)

I was thinking about writing down what I consume for a week then reconsidered. Mostly because I might see the amount of booze I drink and be all, "Huh??" But maybe not since I only drink about three or four days out of the week lately.

Maybe I'm not a fatty because I exercise a lot. And I also don't eat huge portions. Like some of you guys. Like those dudes that can eat two cheesesteaks? I could never do that. Maybe I have a small stomach. And I do skip meals sometimes because I'm not hungry.

Oh. And I rarely eat anything after dinner. Like some of you that sit on your couch and devour and whole bag of chips or eat ice cream from the carton. Hmmm. Maybe YOU'RE the one with the problem?

*I'm 6'2" and about 195. Actually I'm 6'2" and 3/4 but I don't want to lie and say I'm 6'3" and I don't want to always say "and 3/4" because it sounds like I kid who says, "I'm 4 and a HALF"

Can You Believe What Happened On TV Last Night?

So was the world, gathered around their TV sets last night asking the same question that I was?

How the hell did this tubby from Teen Wolf (standing behind Michael J. Fox) run down the basketball court more than once without fainting?



See what I did there? You thought I was going to mention the Grammy Awards, then all of a sudden I sneak in a question about Teen Wolf that was also on TV last night. I got you there didn't I?

I did watch a bit of the Grammy Awards but that freestyle rap nonsense* is something I can't take. Seriously, I'm convinced they could pull any homeless dude off of the street and he could babble the same junk on stage and nobody would know the difference.

Do we all at least agree on that?

*The absolute worst is that dope Kanye West.

How Many Eggs Does One Have To Eat To Be Labeled A Glutton?

So we're watching the Philadelphia Eagles beat the Vikings on Sunday at John Smith's house and we were getting on their son's case about a meal he had a few weeks ago. OK. First - what would you consider to be an amount of fried eggs and slices of bread that would cause you to say, "What the hell!! Are you kidding me?"

OK. Hold onto you plates. Here it comes....

My man had 10 fried eggs and a half a loaf of bread for breakfast! What??????

He's not obese. Yet. If I were one of those carnival workers that guesses weight and height, I'd say he's about 175 pounds and 5' 6". And his build is stocky/muscular. And he's about 22 years old.

Is it just me or is this ridiculous? And the let me know if you have any nickname ideas. So far, the tops ones are Eggy, Eggs and my favorite Huevos Diez.