One Time In Band Camp - Travel Edition. Part 1. Phillies

In the style of "...this one time in band camp...." (from the movie American Pie) -here's my version but the travel edition. Part 1.

...this one time in Long Beach, California...we were at a club and this lesbian bit my friend's finger because she wouldn't dance.

...this one time in Frankfurt, Germany..... while bags were being unloaded at hotel I saw a woman's pastel colored polka dot suitcase and I said, "I think your luggage got mixed up with Jan Brady's". Turns out the the woman was an upper level management person from corporate that I'd never met. Nice first impression.

....this one time in Philly.... I hooked up with a Phillies ball girl.

....this one time in Virginia Beach, Virginia..... I went down this huge water slide and it instantly gave me an enema. I had to run to a bathroom.

....This one time in Connecticut...I was telling this funny story to colleagues and accidentally walked them onto the train going North instead of South., They almost missed their flight back to England.

.....This one time in Malvern, PA..... after having sex with some girl in her parents bed I threw the condom under the bed. What?...I couldn't find the trashcan..... And I was really drunk.

....This one time in Detroit, Michigan.... I saved a kid's life by pulling him out of a burning car. I left the scene because I didn't want to be in the newspaper.

Well, that last one's a lie. I was just trying to redeem myself for the second to the last one.

What happened to YOU one time?

Blogger Header Contest. Twitter. Sam Raimi. MTV Movie.

Here are a few things to go over:

- The winner of the TBY header contest is Mr Condescending. Thanks! Look how great my new header looks.

- There were eight other bloggers that sent header designs and it was tough to narrow it down to one. If you'd like to share your design, put it on your blog on Wednesday and I'll write a post with links. If you don't want to show it I'll still give you a link.

- Go see the Sam Raimi movie Drag Me To Hell. It's great fun. Seriously, don't be a big baby. Go see it. Boo!

- I'm totally obsessed with Twitter now. It's great to have a place to write all the weird stuff I think about all day. Click on my sidebar to join Twitter. Give it about a week and I think you'll love it. But I really have to stop reading the Tweets while driving. I can't help myself I tells ya...

- Why do I watch the MTV Movie Awards every year? What a fucking joke.

Random Stuff Friday From Chester County Blogger. Nancy Grace.

And now some random thoughts from Chester County PA.

- I Love 30 Rock. It's a TV show.

- I watch the history channel all the time and I love learning about other cultures but whenever anything comes on about India I get bored and turn the channel. Is that wrong?

- I wish they had a 70's porno soundtrack that could be played at parties.

- My wife is obsessed with Twilight. I'm thinking about getting a vampire outfit.

- Michelle Obama is really starting to annoy me. What's the big deal?

- I don't know if Nancy Grace is married of not but could you imagine hearing that voice every night? Jesus Christ!

- If you haven't seen the Chris Issac show - check it out on the Bio Channel. He interviews rock stars. He's interviewing Cat Stevens tonight. I used to get it on in college with this one chick while listening to him. Great memories.

Tongues, Arrows, Bigfoot and Other Random Stuff.

Here are some random thoughts.

1) I hate the new Geico commercial - the one where "someone's watching you".

2) My feet are so big that when I have to cut my toenails I need to soak them in the tub first because they're hard like tortoise shells.

3) Family Highlights Magazine always made me sick. Especially that wooden family.

4) I need to buy some more underwear. This time, I'm only buying black briefs.

5) I hope my dog lives for a long time. He's 10 now and he's really starting to look old.

6) I'd love to have a goat for a pet if I didn't have to take care for it and it didn't smell.

7) When I was about 17 my mom told me that my tongue was connected to the bottom of my mouth when I was born so it had to be snipped. You would never know by looking at me but it still makes me wonder if I'm technically a freak.

8) I haven't shot a bow and arrow since I was younger but I'd love to take it up again someday.

9) My doctor is holding me ransom by not giving me my adderal until I get a physical. Is that ethical? Or even legal?

10) At least 10 people have said to me in the last year, "Wow, you're really getting grey." It doesn't bother me but isn't that like telling a chick her ass is getting fat?

11) When I was a kid, I was really into the Bermuda Triangle, Bigfoot and all that stuff.

12) I've been thinking a lot lately about how my son will be going to college in two years. And I can't imagine what it will be like without him here all the time.

Various Things That You Shall Now Read

So here are a few tidbits - or should I say Zidbits..or Zibb-bitts...nevermind. Here's a bunch of random stuff:

I'm special - Candy at the blog Candy's Daily Dandy just gave me A BFF Card. It's stands for Blogging Friends Forever. If I ever meet her in person I'm going to pull it from my wallet and ask her if I can redeem it for one slow dance. The song? Dream Weaver.

Choices - If I ever met anyone at a dinner party and they told me that they were a ventriloquist, I wouldn't be able to control myself from laughing in their face. After of course I say, "No I'M a ventriloquist" - and I pick up a sponge, fold it in half and perform a few bits.

Girlie Side - I like to sit in the bath and read. I never light candles but I do bring a stack of books and mags to read. I also have a scotch, wine or beer to sip on. One time my manly next door neighbor called me right before I got in the tub. We talked briefly and then the phone went dead. I thought the conversation was over so I just got in the tub without calling him back. Next thing, I hear him at the window yelling,

"Zibbs! Zibbs!...Zibbs?" (he thought something was wrong with me, like I fell, and came over to see if I was OK). I peak my head toward the window and say,

"Sorry Greg, I couldn't hear you. I was in just taking a bath." As the word were coming out of my mouth I felt very gay.

Contest - Don't forget it's not too late to enter the That Blue Yak Google This Contest. I've already received a few pictures. Camera phone pictures will be accepted so there are no excuses. You will regret it because there are prizes. And unfortunately, there will also be some tears.

Freaks and Geeks - It's now on DVD and it's not only hysterical but the closest thing to what the early 80's were really like.

Phillies - The Phillies parade is Friday at noon. Can't decide whether to go or not.