Sunday, May 3, 2009

Random Thoughts About Being in Church Today For A Communion.



Today I was in church for my nephew's Communion. Here are some random thoughts:

- I was able to sit in the very back pew. Sweet.

- The sermon was about how sheep can be "really stupid animals and they'll always be stupid unless they have a shepherd. And a priest is a shepherd". Are you kidding me? I swear he said this.

- Some 14 year old girl was about to puke and her mom had to run her out of the church. She was waving to people to get out of the way.

- There was this hot lady that I met before at a business function and I was checking her out during the mass. She looked kind of sad though. Like Sarah Connor from the Terminator.

- When it was time to kneel I was trying to put the pew down and my brother whispered. "You've got to be kidding me?" I couldn't stop laughing the rest of the mass. And then I was thinking how I wanted to pass him a note saying how much Jesus hated him (courtesy of Pru) and it just got me laughing more.

- When the collection plate came around I was thinking, "there's no way I'm putting a dime in". The five year old in front of me was given a $20 bill to put in. Is that the going rate?

Gotta go. The Simpsons are on in five minutes.

24 comments:

SkylersDad said...

Just wanted to say I am a recovering Catholic, and that the Simpsons are my church now.

sista #2 said...

Seriously, those communion wafer's sucked.

Yeah, I am going to hell, I will be driving the hell bus.

Did I read that you were checking hot women out in church??? You can buy your bus ticket now....

peace
#2

Mr. Condescending said...

don't girls always look fat in their church outfits. The wretched stench of old lady perfume and wet 'depends' probably made that poor girl rightfully puke!

diane said...

Somehow, I think you are redeemed for checking out the hot lady in church because you are probably the only person who noticed that she looked sad. (I love that about you)

J.J. in L.A. said...

I haven't been to church since I turned 18 because I'm no sheep...but that priest is an ass!

words...words...words... said...

I don't hate the church like so many people who grew up Catholic. But that priest is a jerk. And I'm certain his bishop would have something to say to him if he heard that sermon.

Chele said...

I used to go to church on sundays....then of course Saturday night got in the way

The Jules said...

Mmm . . . churchy sex . . .


Heh, my word verification is 'comest'. He who doth comest in the chapel of the lord shall be in want of a kleenex . . .

Philly said...

I think Zibbs should get a free ride on the bus to hell.

#1

Dr Zibbs said...

Diane - see - you know all the sides of me.

erin said...

If you were doing this when the Simpsons were on in Five then you missed American Dad and it was pretty darn funny.

I thought for a short split second the photo at the top was your nephew and I was like 'dude'...

But then I got it.

Gaston Studio said...

$20?? Jeez, things have really gone up since I attended church!

saratogajean said...

You got to sit in the back pew? Color me jealous.

Gwen Gwen Banana Fo Fen said...

I've taken communion a couple times in my life and I'm not Catholic. What does this mean? Is something bad going to happen to me?

Girl Interrupted said...

I like to think we're all welcome in God's great speed-dating, social club ... I mean church

Dr Zibbs said...

Gwen - it means you're going to the hottest part of hell.

Miss Alex said...

BBBBBAAAAHAHAHAHAH - I don't do church

Dr Zibbs said...

Miss Alex - either do I. Only for weddings, funerals, communions, confirmations and sacrifices.

Dominica said...

I think the hot lady looked sad because she wanted to use 'I have to puke' as an excuse to get out of church and somebody had her great idea just a split second before her ....

Cora said...

The priest called you a stupid sheep?!

Lord!

In other news, my wv is: demoted. Whoopsie. Someone ain't gonna be happy at work today....

WendyB said...

Nothing beats inappropriate laughter during a religious ceremony.

phd in yogurtry said...

Damn lucky you were. Only back pew dwellers can get away with not kneeling,

Dr Zibbs said...

PHD - and to make it better, the back pew was against a wall so there was zero guilt.

Fancy Schmancy said...

What the heck church collects during a first communion?

And laughing in church is frowned upon by Jesus. As is a ton of other stuff you probably do.