Thursday, November 8, 2012

I Miss Ruining People's Calendars. Damn You Technology! Sphincter Tickling.

Have you all noticed how people use less wall calendars these days. Probably because of technology. And I miss it! Because I used to love going to a friend's house or into a coworker's office, page ahead a few months and write in random appointments, "things to do" or holidays on various days. The key is to try and match the person's hand writing closely so they don't notice it right away. I would write things like:

- Fart on an old person.

- Stock up on creamed corn. DON'T FORGET COUPONS!

- Fourth of July True Observance (written on a day in November).

- Cure Cancer.

- Finish The Love Boat Musical.

- Narrow list of calendar choices down to at least 75. DON'T WAIT TILL OCTOBER THIS YEAR!!!

- (Written on a Saturday in coworker's calendar) Rent U-haul to FINALLY bring home the motherload of paper clips I've been hiding. Bring chloroform for guards.

- Tickle sphincter with the feather of a peacock (ask Uncle Hank to capture event with charcoal sketch).

I also do this when I see a person's grocery list. Give it a try. Tell me how it goes.

17 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

You know if you really think about it tickling your own sphincter with a peacock feather is probably pretty difficult.

BamaTrav said...

Convert and throw out HUGE box of vhs porn.

Dr Zibbs said...

Bama that sounds like a perfect september fourth entry.

Choleesa said...

oh, I cannot wait to!

Dr Zibbs said...

Choleesa - do it! Post pictures.

Gorilla Bananas said...

My dream is to hear someone give a lecture which includes the words: "And before I discuss the social customs of the Hmong, I'd like to thank the anonymous person who wrote the words 'tickle my sphincter with a peacock feather' in yesterday's section of my wall calendar."

If you were in the audience, would you put up your hand and take credit?

Dr Zibbs said...

Gorilla i would have run.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Goats in Trees?

Ha-larious.

Frick bought an old school calendar of the Peanuts and brought it to college with her. She has it on a cork board in her room and writes in it religiously.

I can't wait to write in "Fart on an old person"

Dr Zibbs said...

Candy take a picture.

The Jules said...

Extraordinarily difficult!

Are you supposed take it off the peacock first?

Dr Zibbs said...

The jules- haha. Touche'.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Uncle Hank came up BIG with the charcoal sketching of the butt play. He sounds like all my uncles as a kid. They all fought over me. And my butt.

Fun post. I like the goats in the trees because . . . why the heck not have 12 months of goats in some damn trees, right? Fuck it.

Dr Zibbs said...

Kn i want that calendar too!

diane said...

Goats climb the Argan tree to eat the fruit. Agile little buggers.
I use a wall calendar religiously, and save my old ones for an alibi, just in case I need one.

Annika said...

I still use calendar that you hang on the wall. I've got TWO of them. Whoa!

Got nobody that effs them up by writing snaughtily funny things in them though.

Dr Zibbs said...

Diane i saved a bunch of mine years ago and now mad i threw them out.

Dr Zibbs said...

Annika ill sneak over and write something in them.