Thoughts about Jennifer Aniston. Horrible Bosses.

Do you know what’s weird? I’ve never thought Jennifer Aniston was that hot. She’s pretty but something about her personality just turned me off.

Until…..

I saw her in the movie “Horrible Bosses”*

And I think I liked her because she was super slutty. Not just the extra eyeliner but the character she played. She plays a dentist who’s trying to get her dental assistant into the sack. And she’s all horned up all the time. Sexually harassing him at every turn. Probably the best movie role she’s had really. Actually the only good movie role she’s had because all of her movies stink.

And two Jennifer Aniston questions:

1) Why is she still considered America’s sweetheart?

2) Why do so many magazine’s pull for her to find somebody? There are tons of great guys she could date but she obviously only wants to date another celebrity so if you ask me it’s her own damn fault. What do YOU the reader think?

*check your local listings for showtimes

Real Sex Talk From Doctor Before I Got Married. Being Clean.

Remember when I told you about the sex talk I got from my Dad? No? Click here to read it.

Well I just remembered the sex talk I got from my wife's family doctor when we went to get our blood tests before we got married.

We had been warned of this ridiculous sex talk from some of my wife's cousins and honestly, I thought they were exaggerating. But they weren't because it was as ridiculous as they said it would be.

Here are two parts that I remember. I just stared at a chart on the wall and tried with everything in me not to laugh as the 80 year old doctor said:

"Now Jim, there might be times when...when you're feeling a bit amorous. And you might come in the house from working on the car and you might feel the desire to just GRAB at your wife. You really shouldn't do that way. It's best to clean yourself up and start things slow. That's the best way."

"And you really should just stay away from anal sex. It's just dirty."

I swear this is true.

BREAKING NEWS: Bloggers That Meet On My Blog Get Engaged. No Lie!

Some of my non-blogging friends think that blogging is stupid. "What's to come of it?" they say...

Well I'm proud to announce that two bloggers that have admitted they met in the comments section of my blog have gotten engaged*. I'm not kidding.

Many of my regular readers know them. It's Scope and Cora. But for those that don't know the story, they admitted to meeting in my comments section, then they started dating. Scope lives in Illinois and Cora's on the West coast so it was a bit of a long distance relationship. They've blogged often about their relationship.

So they JUST got engaged. Here's the video when Scope pops the question:



*I wonder if anyone ever got pregnant from reading my blog? Who know?

After School Special. Dads Living In Hotels. Sad.

Did your Dad live in a downtown hotel? Mine didn't thank God. Because I did what I was told. But look at this kid from this After School Special. His Dad lived in a downtown hotel.

I wonder what he did that forced his parents to get divorced and live in a downtown hotel.

Probably something terrible. Too bad they probably don't love him anymore.

It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin. An Exclusive Glimpse Into My Bedroom.

I like to show my lady that I still think she's sexy by giving her as little privacy as possible when she's nude. You know, so I can leer at it and make comments about how sexy it is and the things I want to do to it. Like when she's in the shower for instance, I'll sometimes open the curtain quickly and say, "A-HA!" or "What's going on in here?"

Or this morning.

Wife comes in bedroom after shower, puts on panties then starts putting lotion all over her supple, Italian body. I wait in the semi darkness with one eye creepily peering out from under the covers.

Me: (In deep voice) And then the lotion show began.

Wife: What? You want me to have soft skin don't you?

Me: Do you need some help applying the lotion on the upper areas. Right there. On those things.

Wife: Will you stop?

Me: Stop (pause)...or go?

Smooth operator.

A Tip For When The Inlaws Pull Up To Your House

Just a little tip for when it's your daughter's birthday and you hear your in-laws pull up in front of your house: do not peak through the blinds, have a pissed look on your face and then start humming the theme to The Munsters. Trust me. You don't want to do that. And if your wife says,

"You said you wouldn't do that again!"

Don't say, "I said I wouldn't do the theme to the Addams Family. The Munsters were never discussed."

Just trust me. Don't do it.