Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Real Sex Talk From Doctor Before I Got Married. Being Clean.



Remember when I told you about the sex talk I got from my Dad? No? Click here to read it.

Well I just remembered the sex talk I got from my wife's family doctor when we went to get our blood tests before we got married.

We had been warned of this ridiculous sex talk from some of my wife's cousins and honestly, I thought they were exaggerating. But they weren't because it was as ridiculous as they said it would be.

Here are two parts that I remember. I just stared at a chart on the wall and tried with everything in me not to laugh as the 80 year old doctor said:

"Now Jim, there might be times when...when you're feeling a bit amorous. And you might come in the house from working on the car and you might feel the desire to just GRAB at your wife. You really shouldn't do that way. It's best to clean yourself up and start things slow. That's the best way."

"And you really should just stay away from anal sex. It's just dirty."

I swear this is true.

20 comments:

Moooooog35 said...

Anal sex being dirty is exactly why you DO have it.

Silly doctor.

Dr Zibbs said...

Mooog - I will print out your comment and place it on his grave.

The mad woman behind the blog said...

Can you please have him talk to my husband?

The mad woman behind the blog said...

And by him, I mean the old doctor. NOT Moooooog35! I'm all creeped out thinking about THAT outcome.

No offense Moooog!

Dr Zibbs said...

The Mad Woman - No. I think you meant Moooog.

AbelPetSupply said...

So did you take his advice?

words...words...words... said...

You swear that anal sex is dirty? Or you swear that the doctor really had this talk with you?

Dr Zibbs said...

WWW - I swear the doctor really had this talk with me.

(Someone else even emailed me asking me if I'm making this up. And I'm not)

T-Ro said...

that is one pussified dr.
probably thinks women should be paid as much as men too!

Girl Interrupted said...

Why do you have to get blood tests before you get married???

We don't have that here, you can be totally rabid and still get hitched.

That's how we ended up with the Royal Family.

Scope said...

No, it's best to have her join you in the shower for the "cleanin' up" bit.

Vicus Scurra said...

How did the doctor know that anal sex with your wife was dirty?

Gage said...

yes I'm curious about the blood test bit too... if something turns up do they deny you? What sorts of things would be grounds for denial? I'm puzzled. Maybe they can tell if you've had anal sex through your blood test...

Dr Zibbs said...

Gage - they check for VD? I think..

stacy said...

awesome.

Aunt Becky said...

Please tell me you laughed. I don't know how I would have kept a straight face.

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Caffeine Court said...

You should have asked him to explain WHY anal sex it dirty. Is it the poop thing? The bloody rectum? The vegetable oil all over the sheets? DETAILS man, we need details!!

A and B said...

I know I'm late. Forgive me, I'm catching up now! haha

I can't stop laughing about this! Did you ever have the experience of working on the car and then wanting to grab at your wife? Did you do it or heed his warning? lol What exactly was he afraid would happen, I wonder...

Anonymous said...

@Moooooog35

Do you believe in the fucking bull shit you want to believe? You like censorship? You are a fucking moron for saying that.

Let's continue our little discussion here:

https://www.facebook.com/MAKEITTEN

I'll show you the meaning of censorship retard!

PS - FUCK THE HARD ROCK CAFE for their anti Coyote propaganda!!!

PSS - @blogauthor
Shove your fucking east coast bias up your cunt ass!!!