West Chester, PA Blogger Reveals List of Qualities in Dream Woman.

Yesterday I showed you the dream woman I'm making. Here are the personality traits and non physical things of my ideal dream woman. Of course one can't expect to have their dream woman to have every single quality on their wish list but you never know.

Smart - No dummies. I can't stand stupid woman. But not a super intellectual type. A career woman but doesn't work crazy hours.

Feminine - But has to also be self reliant. Can't be like, "Someone needs to help me because I'm just a helpless woman."

Sense of humor - Must get my sense of humor. Being funny herself gets bonus points.

Down to Earth and self deprecating - Can laugh at herself.

Sexually Oriented  - (A term that I kind of coined in college). Needs "it" everyday. And doesn't think my romantic gestures are corny. But doesn't outwardly look or seem slutty. The type that would come up to me at a party and whisper something like, "You're getting it later" or "Meet me in that spare bedroom in 5." then walks away.

Loves me for who I am - But also encourages me with things.

Loves to cook - And loves to cook with me.

Thinks most of the same things I think are stupid are stupid too

Not religious

Be my best friend - I want to have fun hanging out with this person. Whether it's just the two of us traveling or just hanging out on the deck and talking and laughing for hours.

Not a bitch -  Doesn't put up with BS but not a bitchy personality. When she comes around and I'm with my guy friends they should be excited and say, "Hey everyone! It's Lady Zibbs!" not "Oh great. Here she comes." And no nagging!

A pleasant personality - A delight to be with. 

Honest and loyal - Only has eyes for me.

A great mom (if she has kids) - And has the same parenting style as me. (But if she doesn't have kids knows that I don't want to have anymore. But fine if she has kids).

Keeps the house clean - But not in an OCD way.

Super stylish 

Well there you go. Am I missing any categories?

Dr Zibbs DOES Have A Heart. I Do Get Into Crybaby Mode.

I bet a lot of you don't think I have emotions. But I do. I'm not a robot. In fact, I just was walking around the block on my regular Ipod walk and listening to this Beegees song. It almost brought me to tears. Just so sad.

I think depending on what's going on in my life, coupled with my mood, the Ipod music, etc....just gets me all emotional and shit. So here's the first song that got me:



Then, I listened to the The Little Willies. Norah Jones is in that group and I love her. She's just so soothing. Here's her singing "Love me". She just kills me.

OK. Who wants to come come give me a cold compress and rub my back to soothe me?

Some Valentine's Day Ideas For Your Honey. Irons.

Sure. You can go out and get your lady a card, jewelry and flowers on Valentine's Day but everyone does that. Here are some more creative ways to celebrate that special day:

1) Wake up a few minutes early so you can position your junk 3 inches from her face when she opens her eyes on this special day. Surprise! Paint a heart on it? It's up to you.

2) Get cards that you've collected in the past year and cut and paste them to make a "Love Card". Perhaps a pumpkin walking down the beach with an Easter Bunny? New Years Eve streamers littering the beach? I don't know.

3) You can even clip the inside of cards and use the words in clever ways. It's really simple. Here's an example of what I clipped:

"I'm Happy that you are grieving the loss of YOU'RE my loved one. Love is LIKE THE first holy communion of a MERRY time. Please RSVP if you want to attend ME."

It's THAT simple !

4) Don't just GIVE her an iron. Offer to watch her use it. (Note: make sure that the ironing board is away from the TV so you don't have to ask her to move mid-iron).

Do you have any tips? If I think of anymore I'll add them to the comments area.

Why Can't We Be Friends? Animals And Stuff.

Animals can do the strangest things.

What? They can't? Oh yes they can.

Well then how do you explain this?:

What. The. Hell. Is. This? Cupid. Love DOES Hurt.

I searched the song "Love Hurts"* on the Youtube and look what I found.

What the hell?



*You know the song Love Hurts. By Nazareth? It's the one that I torture my wife with when it comes on the radio and I remind her that when the song played at 7th grade dances, she was probably dancing and having fun. Me on the other hand? I was standing by myself. Alone. In a corner. Too nervous to ask a girl to dance.

BREAKING NEWS: Bloggers That Meet On My Blog Get Engaged. No Lie!

Some of my non-blogging friends think that blogging is stupid. "What's to come of it?" they say...

Well I'm proud to announce that two bloggers that have admitted they met in the comments section of my blog have gotten engaged*. I'm not kidding.

Many of my regular readers know them. It's Scope and Cora. But for those that don't know the story, they admitted to meeting in my comments section, then they started dating. Scope lives in Illinois and Cora's on the West coast so it was a bit of a long distance relationship. They've blogged often about their relationship.

So they JUST got engaged. Here's the video when Scope pops the question:



*I wonder if anyone ever got pregnant from reading my blog? Who know?

Happy Fourth of July. Love American Style. Getting Laid.

Here's wishing you all a happy 4th of July. I hope you all eat some great food, see some fireworks and get laid today.

And on that subject, look who was on this episode of Love American Style. Three cast members of Happy Days. Pretty weird.

Blogger's Choice Award. Who Wants To Nominate Me?

So if you click here - you can see the Blogger's Choice Awards. I was going to nominate yourself but I don't want to look like one of those people that tries to promote his blog.

..hahaha - not that YOU guys don't know that. I'm thinking about the potential future bloggers that might be reading my blog.

So does anyone want to nominate me? If you do, it'll say right there on the page that YOU were the person that nominated me. And you will hold a special place in my heart until the end time.

Just An Old Fashioned Love Song. TV And Movie Love Birds.

..And speaking of Paul Williams, he did write "(Just an Old ) Fashioned Love Song". Three Dog Night covered it.

Here's a clip that someone put on Youtube using the song and put in video clips of TV and movie couples in love. And this Friday Send Off Song goes out to Fawless. Who actually left a comment on my blog today and she wrote a post. Man and I wish she would start blogging again. If you're out there Fawl - give me a sign.



190 followers strong.

Chester County Blogger Helps Lovers With Valentine's Day Prep.

If a blog post is written and nobody reads it, does anyone laugh? OK. That makes no sense but here's a blog post I wrote last Valentine's Day when I only had four readers. Tell me what you think. It still cracks me up. Maybe it'll help some of you clumsy lovers to prepare for Valentine's Day 2009.

Valentine's tips are easy to find online. We thought we'd ask THAT BLUE YAK'S fork lift operator Ernie Melson to share some of his wisdom with us this February 14th. Here are the tips he scribbled on a bag while "pinchin' one off". (By the way we call him Vic because he looks like Vic Taybak)

OK, here we go wid a couple doos and don'ts:

1) Treat your dame like a lady on this day.

2) Don't try to be funny on this day. Don't give your lady a card wid two black people running down the beach - no offense Earl. Unless if use is like Earl - black and all. White people - play it safe wid whites on the card. Mulatto? Use is on your own.

3) Don't get her a drill. Even if it makes complete sense that use was gonna make her the planters she's been bitchin' about using the drill.

4) Don't toss the gift to her. Hand it to her all gentleman style and such.

5) Play it safe and go with flowers. I got mine at Produce Junction in Exton as seen in the poloroid above. $10. Can't beat that except when I had to buy them last because I asked her if her jeans shrunk, theys was only $6.

6) If she's goin to Exton anyways, don't make the mistake of saying, "hey, pick yourself up some roses at Produce Junction" no matter how much it makes sense to you.

7) Don't make the mistake and walk over to the Dollar Store and put $20 worth of things in a bag for her as another gift. And it don't matter your effort either if you try to make it all romantic by pulling the dollar stuff out and gettin all clever like, "Our love is like a sponge and all" as you show her the sponge.

8) Call her classy at least 5 times during the day. Check off the times you do it by marking off the number of times on a piece of paper or matches or something. Remember not to let her see you marking off the number of times because then she's gonna say it doesn't count or something.

9) Say, "You smell good -what are you made of roses and flowers and junk." Look up from the T.V. when you say it.

10) Say to her, "Hold on, I'm callin' heaven because I think an angel escaped and shit." Don't try to then catch her wid a fishin' net to make it more believable especially if you're about to leave for the Red Lobster and she's already dolled up and stuff.

Follow these tips and you'll probably be able to be gettin' it on later wid out liftin' a meat hook on her.

Museum Bidding War For Blogger Envelope Ends

So the always funny blogger and super cool chick Whiskey Marie sent me a personal letter a few weeks ago and I thought I'd share the envelope with you before I donate it to the Smithsonian.

She knows me well. I live in PA. I wear underwear sometimes. I enjoy laughing at people that put things in their noses. And I hate canned and bottled beets with everything in my soul. I'm betting that the beet image was a joke.

What would you mail me if you were lucky enough to have my address?

Shy Blogger Says, "This Is Very Hard For Me To Do"

So a guy named Mr left the following comment in this post:

"ok, this is a good blog and all, but why do people LOVE you... I don't get it yet. Maybe I need to keep reading... "

I know. I couldn't believe it as I read it either. As regular readers of my blog know, I'm a bit shy and reserved. I don't like to blow my own horn as they say. I'm actually (head looking down at feet that are kind of kicking an imaginary pebble) - I'm a bit embarrassed how to answer him. I.....I think that it's best to let my readers answer:

DO YOU LOVE ME AND IF SO WHY?

And please. Don't make a mockery out of this very important inquiry. I'll now just let myself into this sound proof booth so I can't hear anything. OK. I'm almost in. Shutting the door now.

(Door closes)

(Door reopens)

I'm very sorry, I'm just going to grab these Tastykakes here..and..and this Highlights Magazine so I'll have something to do while I wait.. You know, see what Goofus and Gallant are up to..OK. I'm ..uh...going back in now.

(Door closes)

Valentine's Day Tips From Humble Chester County Fork Lift Operator

Valentine's tips are easy to find online. We thought we'd ask THAT BLUE YAK'S fork lift operator Ernie Melson to share some of his wisdom with us this February 14th. Here are the tips he scribbled on a bag while "pinchin' one off". (By the way we call him Vic because he looks like Vic Taybak)

OK, here we go wid a couple doos and don'ts:

1) Treat your dame like a lady on this day.

2) Don't try to be funny on this day. Don't give your lady a card wid two black people running down the beach - no offense Earl. Unless if use is like Earl - black and all. White people - play it safe wid whites on the card. Mulatto? Use is on your own.

3) Don't get her a drill. Even if it makes complete sense that use was gonna make her the planters she's been bitchin' about using the drill.

4) Don't toss the gift to her. Hand it to her all gentleman style and such.

5) Play it safe and go with flowers. I got mine at Produce Junction in Exton as seen in the poloroid above. $10. Can't beat that except when I had to buy them last because I asked her if her jeans shrunk, theys was only $6.

6) If she's goin to Exton anyways, don't make the mistake of saying, "hey, pick yourself up some roses at Produce Junction" no matter how much it makes sense to you.

7) Don't make the mistake and walk over to the Dollar Store and put $20 worth of things in a bag for her as another gift. And it don't matter your effort either if you try to make it all romantic by pulling the dollar stuff out and gettin all clever like, "Our love is like a sponge and all" as you show her the sponge.

8) Call her classy at least 5 times during the day. Check off the times you do it by marking off the number of times on a piece of paper or matches or something. Remember not to let her see you marking off the number of times because then she's gonna say it doesn't count or something.

9) Say, "You smell good -what are you made of roses and flowers and junk." Look up from the T.V. when you say it.

10) Say to her, "Hold on, I'm callin' heaven because I think an angel escaped and shit." Don't try to then catch her wid a fishin' net to make it more believable especially if you're about to leave for the Red Lobster and she's already dolled up and stuff.

Follow these tips and you'll probably be able to be gettin' it on later wid out liftin' a meat hook on her.