Llama

Check out this asshole:

Look At This Gorilla.

At Least I'm Not One Of Those Dudes With A High Voice. Pranks.

I was just listening to the radio and this guy named Jimmy called in. He sounded exactly like a woman. Turns out the name was Ginny not Jimmy. And good thing because he sounded exactly like a woman.

That would stink if you think about it. People call you on the phone and think you're a woman. If I had a high voice I would just make myself talk in a really deep voice. I wonder if anyone ever does that? I bet some people do and then they go back to their regular voice maybe once a year. Deep in the woods. Alone. Talking to the animals and trees. Kind of sad.

One of the best phone pranks for incoming calls (in the category of voices) is the one that my friend Flare used to do*. He has a really deep voice. I'd say he's in the 90% of deep voices.
So when telemarketers used to call him this is what would happen:

Flare: (with his really deep voice) Hello?

Telemarketer: Yes, is Mrs Flare in?

Flare: Speaking.

Telemarketer: No MRS Flare.

Flare: This IS MRS Flare. Are you.....are you saying that I sound like a woman?

Telemarketer: (flustered) Uh...no..um, the reason we're calling Mrs Flare is...

God I would love to hear that in action.

The other one he used to do was, "You uh...You want Mrs Flare?...She died yesterday".

HAHAHA. And you thought I was mean.

*I may have posted this story on TBY already. Sorry.

Why Can't We Be Friends? Animals And Stuff.

Animals can do the strangest things.

What? They can't? Oh yes they can.

Well then how do you explain this?:

I Never Got My Gorilla Outfit. Cabdury Commercial. Phil Collins.

When I was a kid I always wanted a really good gorilla outfit. Not the really crappy ones that you would see on low budget TV shows. I always wanted a REALLY good one that looked real. I'm not kidding.

I always thought that if I had one I'd be able to do one of the best gorilla imitations ever.* Sadly, that day never came.

But on the gorilla subject, check out this gorilla playing drums to Phil Collins in this Cadbury commercial. I think he over does it a bit but....



*I did however have the pleasure of getting in an Easter Bunny outfit two years ago and I'm telling you..my costume pantomime was on the level of the Phillies Phanatic. I'm not kidding you.

How To Pick Up Chicks By Pretending You're Into Manatees.

Here's a helpful technique that may help some of my single male readers find a mate. That's right. I'm going to help you get laid. A man needs to get laid. I get laid all the time. But you don't. That's how you ended up here.

It's so simple that it's retarded.

1) Find a lady in a bar, in a supermarket or on a bus*.

2) In a non threatening way, position yourself so she's trapped. You know, so she can't escape. Nothing illegal but if she can't get away she has to listen..right?

3) Stare at her for a bit. She may start to look uncomfortable but this is fine. When she's just about to flee, reach as if you're about to grab her wrist then calmly but assertively say, "I'm totally into Manatees". DO NOT BREAK YOUR STARE.

4) Give her a fact about manatees like, "Did you know that manatees are also known as sea cows?" - you can find many useful manatee facts on the Internet. Memorize them or write them on manatee shaped index cards. Make sure that they're REAL facts and not made up in case she knows a lot about manatees.

Now I haven't field tested my manatee pick up technique but it's pretty much fool proof I think. If you said you were into wolves, eagles or tigers she's gonna think that you're Mr Tough Guy and a lot of chicks don't like that. They want sensitivity. And ain't nothing more sensitive than the lovable manatee. Just look at that mug.

If it turns out that she IS into tough guys, tell her that the only natural enemy of the wolf, eagle and tiger is the manatee. Look down at your shoes while saying this so she doesn't see your lying eyes.

If it turns out she knows her manatees - then at this point - to put it bluntly - you're fucked. If she falls for it...well my friend - you're getting LAID!

That's about it. Good luck and let me know it works out.

*Make sure it's a woman you can beat in a fight if it comes to that. I don't want to scare you off, but if you do these steps with any type of weirdness, a fight MAY start.

Dude in Wolf pelt/hat is totally kickass. You know you want it.

So yesterday a Twitter guy named @higgimonster sent me this great photo of this dude wearing this wolf hat.

You know you ladies want him and you dudes want to be him. Don't lie. It's not just the kickass wolf pelt. Look at the belt buckle and the necklace. He's got it all goin' on..

And wearing jeans to a lake?...my man's got some confidence!

What do you think is kickass about him?

Sea Isle City Turtles Reminds Blogger About I Like Turtles Kid.

So when I was rescuing turtles in Sea Isle City this morning and putting them back in the bay I couldn't help thinking of the "I like turtles kid".

Well, it was actually someone else rescuing them put I was playing an important role by standing there, watching and saying, "I like turtles".

Small Snake Freakin' Me Out. Phobias and Bed Bug Problem.

Sssssssss!!!! Here's a picture of a snake I captured in a bucket. You may remember this bucket as the same one I use in The THAT BLUE YAK GARDEN OF HOPE. Yeah. It's the same one! I love the sound of the clanking handle.

I have no problem with big snakes. If someone had a boa constrictor or python, I would put it around my neck in a second.

There's something about these small snakes though that freak me out. They move too fast and I think they're sneaky.

Not many things freak me out or spook me but the other thing that makes me sick is something I heard on the news this morning. Do you know that there's a major problem with bed bugs? There is. So watch out.

The other thing in the yard that freaks me out is when I pick up a rock and a vole comes running out. That's when I scream like a girl.

What grosses you out or sickens you? And don't say me.

Bulls on Valley Creek Road In PA, Foxy English Blogger And Other Stuff.

Just a few various things:

- The picture above shows two bulls. I took the picture on Valley Creek Road near West Chester. I made it black and white to show you how artsy I can be. I wonder what those bulls are thinking about? I took this picture recently when I was with my son. We called to the bulls to approach us but they just looked at us.

- You think I'm an important blogger because I have 204 followers? Well look at Vodka Mom with 674 followers as of this moment. And she's so great that she gave little ole' me not only a shout out but a huge temporary picture and link on her side bar. I guess I AM more important than I thought. AND she claims to give BJ's on her porch!

- I like Twitter better than I thought because I can just write random thoughts. Look on my sidebar at some of the crazy things I wrote so far. I wonder what I'm going to come up with next. Click "follow me on Twitter" if you dare. As a reminder these gems will soon be available only through Twitter and not visible on my blog.

- One of the blogs I've been reading lately is called A World So Small by Girl Interupted. Talk about a great sense of humour (note UK spelling)! She's hysterical! She's Dr Zibbs endorsed! I'd love to meet her. I'd like to kiss her on the lips.

- I'd like to also thank Jeannie for all of her recent comments. And also Shawn. Thanks for all the comments. I really appreciate the comments from all of you bloggers.

Except for that one person.

Remember That Bird I Was Talking About On Facebook? I'm Thinking About Capturing It.

Remember my Facebook status yesterday? When it said, "Jim Zibbs is looking at a bird"?

Then later it said, "Jim Zibbs is wondering where that bird went. OH THERE IT IS!"

And then the blogger H said something like, "You are so weird but I find that endearing."

Well she might think I'm even more endearing because it's final. I've made the decision to capture that bird. Or at least have him eat seeds out of my hand. Or if not that bird (that bird that I'm looking at right now) another bird.

Does anyone have any experience doing this? If so, please let me know the steps and which birds it works best with. I'd also like to know the dangers. I will name the bird after the person that helps me capture him.* Also, I live in Southeastern PA so don't tell me how I can catch a Monkey Eating Eagle or an Ostrich because you'll be wasting your time and mine.

The only thing I tried to capture ever was a rabbit when I was five. My trap was a cardboard box propped up with a stick and the stick had kite string tied to it. I hid behind a tree but caught nothing. At the time I blamed my mom because she gave me lettuce instead of carrots for bait but I bet I was sitting up wind. Who knows.

*(Praying to self) Please let their name be Chirpy. Please let their name be Chirpy.

Look At That Alpaca At The Village At Saint Peters. What A Fool.

Do you see what I see? That's no llama folks. That ridiculous looking creature is an alpaca. I took this picture in October when I was at the Octoberfest at The Village at Saint Peters here in PA.

If I were an alpaca I'd be embarrased. Honestly, I'd rather be a goat. I'm not kidding. Look at him just staring ahead. And the llama in the background is looking the other way. Probably wants no association with this clown.

Animal Attack Songs Sung By Folk Singers

With gas prices so high, it's really expensive driving all over to buy 45's about animals attacking people - Exton Mall, pick up one - then to King of Prussia Mall for another, then to the Gallery in Philly. I'm going broke. Now I can get all my animal attack records in one place - from The Wilderman:

Behold the Uglyness of the Tapir

Spotlight on the Tapir! It's amazing to me how many people have never heard of the Tapir. There's nothing like referring to a tapir in conversation only to have it come to a screeching halt because someone asks you what a tapir is. Without a doubt the tapir is the ugliest of all creatures. The elephant man of animals. Share these facts with friends today about the tapir:

- They are pig-like creatures.

- Their closest relatives are horses and rhinos.

- There are 4 different types.

- They live in South America, Central America and Southeast Asia.

- If you don't watch out....oh they'll get you.

For all things Tapir, check out TapirBlog . The tapir blog has a GREAT picture of a tapir approaching an orangutan in a swimming pool and the orangutan looks like he's about to get bitten my a shark. I'm not sure if the tapir is that dangerous or if the orangutan is just a big baby. Either way, see the hysterical here.

So now you know. Pass it on.