Does This Song Make You Cry? Andrew Gold Lonely Boy.

I heard this Andrew Gold song today on the radio, Lonely Boy. I haven't heard it in years.

Does it make you cry..for me? Because you think I'm a lonely boy? ...Go ahead. Shed your tears. It's OK. Let it out.

OK. That's enough. Now go get a tissue and clean yourself up.

Unicorn Collectors Probably Are Real Babies. Torture Ideas.

I can't be certain but I bet that people that collect unicorn items can be made to cry easier than the general population. I think a great way to make them cry would be to slowly break off unicorn horns from their sculptures.

But you have to be subtle.

I would start with breaking one then waiting a week. Be patient.

Then, after you break a few more, start doing things with the horns. Like you might want to tape one of the horns to the groinage area. That will probably really freak them out because I bet that there's a legend saying that the unicorn horns are sacred. And if there is - you know they believe that legend.

What about laying one of the horns on the pillow next to them while they sleep like how they did with the horse in the Godfather? Yeah that's a good one too.

Oh I know. What about when they cry, you say, "Now now. It's OK, here's a tissue." Little do they know that you've taped a broken unicorn horn inside of the tissue. Can you imagine the hysterics that THAT will set off? I can.

What other ways can you think of to torture unicorn collectors? Go ahead - jot some ideas down on a piece of paper then pick the best and leave it in the comments area.

Good luck.

Wine Making Turns Into Hysterical Fall. Breath Knocked Out.

Are all you other gay blades watching Dancing with the Stars like me right now? Well here's a short clip to watch at the commercial break. It's a news anchor smashing grapes then something goes horribly wrong. She falls off the platform and gets the air knocked out of her.

Her groans are hilaaaaaaarious.

Random Gran Torino Inspired Money Making Scheme

I just remembered that when I saw Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino the other week that when I came out of the theater I was teary eyed. I was a bit panicked because it hit me that if I ran into someone that I hadn't seen in a while I'd be too ashamed to admit why I was crying.

Person: Zibbs, what are you doing here..wait....are you crying?

Me: Um. No..I mean......yeah.

Person: Ha. What movie are you coming from? Marley and Me*? Bride Wars? Don't tell me it was Bride Wars!

Me: I don't know you jackass. I was too concerned trying to revive my dad. He was an usher and he just died. He was in theater #5 right over there. I gotta go. I gotta tell my mom.

So the money making scheme that I mentioned in the title of the post is waiting outside of theaters and photographing people then telling them I want $20 or their cry baby face will be plastered all over the world wide web of the Internets. Does anyone want to get in on the ground floor of this sure fire business? If so, let me know how much seed money you're willing to front.

*And if you want to see a post I wrote about the filming of Marley and Me right here in downtown West Chester, PA -click here. I haven't seen the movie but the West Chester scenes are at the beginning when it's snowing then later when they go to the vet.

Green Green Grass of Home - Excellente

Do you know what sucks? Whenever you want to see a video of a bald guy on a Spanish game show go behind a curtain then come back dressed as Tom Jones, but he really looks kind of like a clown, and then he sings The Green Green Grass of Home, you can never find one. Because there's no such thing. It just doesn't exist......Wait minute...someone is whispering something in my ear..I'm sorry. It DOES exist.

And don't be jerks and start laughing because this guy's pretty good. But to hear the person that can really sing it, click here.