Marchwood Goodwill Was A Place That Showed Movies Of Bare Naked Gulls!

A few miles away from me is the Marchwood Goodwill. Back in the day though it used to be a porn theater. I remember going there a few times with friends while drinking beers and we'd wait for people to come out then yell things, "Hey! Look who's coming out of the porn theater! Come over here. It's the Daily Local News. We want to interview you!"

And people would cover their faces and rush to their cars. One time we even saw a teacher! Of course we yelled his name.

Well one time in junior year a few of us decided to go in. I forget if we used fake ID's or what. We smuggled some beers and watched. For about 20 minutes. There's something creepy about watching porn with a bunch of dudes and strangers so we left. I mean really. Watching porn is an interactive sport so who knows what some of those people were doing.

Back at school we were laughing about it at the lunch table and here's what happened:

Chris: Wait. So what exactly do they show?

Me: Everything. Two people f%#king.

Chris: Bull. There's no way they actually show it.

Me: Yeah they do. And close up. A d&$k going into a wet p#&*y.

Chris: Oh come on they can't show that! You're full of it. It's probably them under blankets.

Me: Under blankets? What?? I saw it on the screen! You  mean I think I saw something else? Then lets go this weekend!

So a bunch of us go. And he still thought we were making it up. That maybe they just showed some boobs or something. Now remember this was before the information super highway so unless you saw a stag film on 8 mm at a party or you were getting some snitchy-snatch your own bad self you may have never seen anything like this.

We walk in and there is a full close up on the screen of two people "bumping uglies*" and here is what happened:

Chris: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

Me: Shhhhhh!!!!

Chris: HOLY CRAP THEY"RE ACTUALLY DOING IT!!

Me: Shhh! Shut up!

Chris: OH MY GOD! (covers eyes then looks up again) OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!!! THEY'RE SHOWING EVERYTHING!

It was pretty classic.

*And what was with all the hair? Jesus Christ! Whoever started the movement of people shaving and trimming deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. Seriously. What year did this become the norm for most people? In the early 90's?

Jimi Hendrix. Exton Sam Goody. Putting On The Gorilla Suit

My Dad is the type of guy that doesn’t take shit from anyone. Like if you’re standing in a long line at a store and there’s only one register open, and everyone is looking at each other like, “this is ridiculous”… he’s the type that walks to the front of the line and says, “Excuse me. But I’ve standing in line for five minutes. I’m going to need you to stop what you’re doing, call your manager and get another person on a register.”

And everyone is all, "I wish I had the balls to do that." Or if someone butts in line? Yeah right buddy. My Dad is the one that will tell you to get to the back.

So flashback to when my brother was in 5th grade. My brother buys a Jimi Hendrix book. So my Dad is flipping through the book and sees a plaster cast of Jimi Hendrix’s junk in it. He’s like, “What the hell is this? You’re not going to have this book!” To my brother. “You’re going to bring it back.”

“But I don’t have a receipt.”

“Then I’LL bring it back!

“Dad, they won’t take it back without a receipt.”

“Oh they’ll take it back alright.”. My Dad takes the book and drives to the record store. Sam Goody I believe it was. Exton Mall.

Dad gets into the store and says to cashier, “I’d like to return this book but I don’t have a receipt.”

“Sorry sir, I can’t exchange it if you don’t have a receipt.” The lady says.

“Do you have kids?”

“Uh..yes?”

“Well let me ask you this: turn to page 112. Would you want your 5th grader looking at that?

The woman looks at the picture, turns beat red and opens the register.

Mission accomplished.

*Author's note: This is what my Dad called, "Putting on the gorilla suit ."

Vera Farmiga Is Super Sexy in Up In The Air. Nude.

I saw the movie Up In The Air last week. Really good story. Loved the directing. And Vera Farmiga was super sexy. Super DUPER sexy.

(potential spoiler alert - but not really)

She hooks up with George Clooney as they are both major travelers. And what's cool about her is that she wants nothing more. She just wants to hook up when they meet and she knows how to keep her yapper shut about it.

See that ladies? There are women that just want to do it and that's it.

Vera Farmiga in the movie has this really sexy, laid back charm to her. And beautiful eyes and lips too. And this one part she comes on to camera and you can see her ass. And she's got a great ass. And she's almost nude but wearing just this silky belt thing. Very classy. Much better than almost nude but wearing just socks. I have no idea what that silky belt thing is. Is that a new style? I don't know.

So I give this movie 8 out of 10 Blue Yak Horns. Check it out*.

*(But I'll tell you who was awful in the movie. Anna Kendrick. I mean TERRIBLE. In this one scene she was crying. And it was the worst fake crying I've ever seen in a movie. Did anyone else see this travesty?)

Treasure Chest Found By Young Boys In The 70's? Naked.

Did you ever find a treasure? Full of booty?

Well here is the true tale of when my friends and I did.

We were about 11 years old. Surrounding our neighborhood on most sides were either cornfields or woods. So it was great growing up where I lived.

My friend would swipe the occasional Playboy from his Dad's closet and a few of us would bring it back into the cornfield and behold it's glory: Fairly innocent 1974-75 Playboys with naked gals. Topless and sporting "fur bikinis" if you know what I mean. "Look at the size of her boobs", I'd say as I'd pull my shirt out to make it look like boobs*.

But one day a friend - let's call him HickNut - found something that would change everything. We were at a friend's house and he came running up, "You're NOT gonna believe this!"

So we follow HickNut into the cornfield wondering what it was that he found. We go deep into the cornfield then we come out onto a small dirt road. We cross it then go even further into the cornfield and almost to the very end.

"Here it is."

It's a chest. Like a wooden treasure chest.

"Check this out."

He opens it up and it's filled to the top with girlie magazines. "WHAT!!!!???"

We dive in. And start going through them all. It was a bit disturbing at the time because there were some hardcore and fetish publications in the mix. Extreme closeups and such. And they were really low budget. I forget if one was called "Pregnant White Women With Black Guys" or if that's something that I made up after the fact. But stuff along those lines.

It kind of ended my innocence in a way because I was not prepared for some of the hardcore stuff. What happened to the topless brunette in farmer's daughter clothes lying in a bed of hay?

Who could have left these here? We started theorizing that it was probably a biker gang. If not a biker gang then probably some 20 something runaways living in a deserted shack somewhere.

We'd hear a distant minibike and we'd look around, "Is that them?"

I think we scared ourselves into thinking that whoever left this treasure chest here was going to come back and kill us. So we put them all back and hauled ass out of the cornfield.

I always wondered what happened to that treasure chest. Either the gang came back and claimed it or the farmer got it caught up in his combine when harvesting the corn. Thousands of tiny paper nude body parts flying into the air then floating to the ground as his combine comes to a screeching halt. What a sight.

*Try it at home but be careful not to stretch your shirt out. You'll ruin it.

TBY Now Has Search Function. Exton. Ron Howard's Brother.

Check it out on my sidebar. TBY now has a search function. I've been blogging since Dec of 2006 so for me it's great because I can now search for various posts that I've written instead of using a regular Google search.

But YOU the reader are allowed to use it too. I'm not kidding. You can search words and phrases like:

"West Chester" or "Ron Howard's Brother" or "nude"... then., like magic, you can read what I've written on those topics.

Go ahead. Put your Vasco Da Gama hat on and explore. Share with us what you've found by telling us in the comments area. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Hot Blogger Dedicates Nude Pic to Me...Another Hot Blogger.

It's so very touching* when a hot blogger takes a nude picture and dedicates it to me.

I'm challenging more of you to do the same (sorry - no dudes). Come on. Live a little. To view the picture in all it's beauty click the words: Ladybug Graveyard.

*Get it - touching? Touching like you're "touching" someone that's nude. Yeah...you get it.

Comedians of Comedy, Zach Galifianakis on Physical Comedy.

How much fun did these guys have on the Comedians of Comedy Tour? A lot.

Phat Mama Blogger Let Me Make Things Clear. Almost Naked Pictures.

Except for the male bloggers, I encourage all my readers to post pictures of themselves in various stages of undress. Like Phat Mama did here. And look how I was mentioned. I'm famous.

And if you read the comments of that post, you'll see that Phat Mama was unsure if sending me X-rated pics would be OK. Let me make something perfectly clear: (talking into bull horn) YES. IT IS OK.

In fact, it's also encouraged. And if you think about it, it's very,very natural. And you don't want to be un-natural do you? Seriously, we're all adults here.

And I won't repost them or anything.

And if you're too shy, some might think to take pictures of their roommates while they're sleeping or really drunk and forward those as well. Or perhaps wear a mask. It's really up to you. Remember, just be yourself.

And if I really do have Jesusy powers like I'm starting to think - I will reserve a spot for you in heaven.

The First Time You See Someone Naked. Totally Nude. That's The Best.

I was reading on someone's blog the other day about the first time you see someone naked. It is one of the best things ever. Ever. You pick up some chick - then you're back at her place or yours. Or in a car. And then the clothes come off.

Oh man.

Nothing like that first visual. And it would always go through my head, "Aww man this is great!" You've got to play it cool but you never get over the fact that you've succeeded in getting someone naked. And sometimes it was someone you met a few hours earlier. It's like heaven on earth.

Believe it or not there are only maybe 2 or 3 chicks that I'd be really embarrassed about if anyone saw them. Most were pretty good looking. In fact, I just found a picture online of some girl I used to have sex with and she was pretty hot. And better yet, the picture is from the 80's which was when I was with her. AND, it's a picture of her lying on a bed and looking all sexy eyed. I swear to God. I would post the picture but that would be wrong. See - I do have some morals.

Sometimes it was surprising how different a body looked once nude. I was never a fan of super skinny chicks. I don't like feeling tons of bones*. And if I can put my "playmate hat" on for a minute, the other "turn offs" for me from days of old were excess large moles and the old fur bikini - if you know what I mean.

So have any of you people ever gotten someone nude and you were like, "WHAT THE HELL?" I'm sure some of you ladies have some good stories. Like the dude had a real big one or a real small one. Come on. You can tell me. And there's got to be someone that has a story where the person says something like, "And before we do this, I need to tell you that I only have seven toes." Or something similar.

*One time a friend of mine was tripping and he was having sex with a really skinny girl. He said he looked at her and all of a sudden he saw a skeleton! Frightening.

It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin. An Exclusive Glimpse Into My Bedroom.

I like to show my lady that I still think she's sexy by giving her as little privacy as possible when she's nude. You know, so I can leer at it and make comments about how sexy it is and the things I want to do to it. Like when she's in the shower for instance, I'll sometimes open the curtain quickly and say, "A-HA!" or "What's going on in here?"

Or this morning.

Wife comes in bedroom after shower, puts on panties then starts putting lotion all over her supple, Italian body. I wait in the semi darkness with one eye creepily peering out from under the covers.

Me: (In deep voice) And then the lotion show began.

Wife: What? You want me to have soft skin don't you?

Me: Do you need some help applying the lotion on the upper areas. Right there. On those things.

Wife: Will you stop?

Me: Stop (pause)...or go?

Smooth operator.