Thursday, March 18, 2010

You Mean You....An Old Lady Would Like MY Hair? Thanks!




I was talking to my friend @JennRuss on Twitter and I was asking her about her super curly hair and whether people insist on touching it. Of course she said they do. And sometimes they don't even ask. Strangers do this. I'm not surprised.

It's pretty rude if you think about it. I mean, I have like this really great ass* but people don't say, "Excuse me, but MAY I?" (then go in for a squeeze. Kneading it's glory with their fingers - pushing their palms into it - really...really geeettin' in there as if they were making bread. And the moaning? Please. Control yourselves)

OK. Back to the hair story. When I was between the ages of 5 and 14 my hair was really curly. And I'm not kidding when I say that at least 75 times in that period I would be out somewhere and something like this would happen:

Old Lady: (slowly approaches me with her other old lady friend) Oh my God!

Me: (starts to get embarrassed) Me?

Old Lady: Yes you. Your hair is so beautiful. Isn't it just precious Mildred?

Me: (tries not to act horrified)

Old Lady: (asks my mom) Is it real?

My Mom: Yes. Jimmy's hair is totally natural.

God was that shit embarrassing. And many of the old ladies would then say what was always the worst thing, "I wish I had YOUR hair!"

I just hated that. None of them ever asked to take my picture but I wouldn't have been surprised. Then they would have brought the picture into the beauty parlour and said, "I want my hair to look like THIS" - all crabby and whatnot while holding out the polaroid.

That's when I'm a proponent of the old hair dresser statement: "I'm a hair dresser lady not a magician". (Big ole fuckin' fight breaks out and Raul kicks the old lady out and bans her for life)

You tell em' Raul!

*So I've been told...through the random act of people squeezing it.

20 comments:

madtexter ☺☺☺☺☺☺ (corey james) said...

That's too funny. Where do these people come from?

It's always like a 'little old lady' to act like that. And when they wear wigs and act like it's their own hair..fughettaboutit! Hey lady, you're not fooling me; I can see that you have no hairline!

Dr Zibbs said...

Madtexter - I think you're right. I'm gonna try and pull the wig off the next old lady I see today.

miss*H said...

ah but you know the old lady would have asked for your cut but not the colour. Old ladies prefer a purple rinse

Dr Zibbs said...

Miss H - so true.

Carnie said...

I love me some curley hair! There was a time I even paid for it....then I realized I couldn't pull it off.

JenJen said...

I've had this happen with my tits. People are always asking to squeeze them to see if they're real.
Duh.
Sorry I grabbed your ass, though. Raul knows his tushies.

Prunella Jones said...

I can't remember ever wanting to touch a stranger's hair. However, one time at Walmart, I did see a lady with an amazingly huge and wobbly FUPA which she proudly displayed in a bikini top and daisy dukes. But then I didn't really want to touch it so much as shoot rubber bands at it.

Heff said...

I had the same "problem" as a teen. Fortunately, now I'm bald.

FUCK.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

"(then go in for a squeeze. Kneading it's glory with their fingers - pushing their palms into it - really...really geeettin' in there as if they were making bread. And the moaning? Please. Control yourselves)"



What was the question again?

Dr Zibbs said...

Carnie - pictures please. AS if that's gonna happen.

JenJen - what is a tit?

Prunella - What is a FUPA? Seriously. I have no idea.

Jenn - When I see you I am so petting your hair. It'll be funny for the first 3 seconds but then when it turns into 3 minutes and you start to flee it might get weird. - Don't fight it.

Candy - Thanks for playing along and pretending my creepy descriptions of my ass are sexy. ..wait...are they?

Son of a Thomas said...

Jimmy. Ha!

Dr Zibbs said...

Son of A - Jimmy is a perfectly normal name...to be called when you're under the age of 7.

Chele said...

Amazingly enough though, if you are drunk and in a bathroom full of girls and you compliment another girls breasts asking if they are real. Fake or not most girls will say, touch em have a feel.
Its odd but it happens.
I know, you hate me now for sharing this

Gage said...

I got nothing. It happens frequently and I'm not sure if it's early on-set Alzheimers or just plain stupid lack if wit.

Dr Zibbs said...

Chele - I'm fortunate to have some neighbors that had boob jobs. They did let me have a squeeze while in the hot tub. My wife was there and gave me permission.

Gage - Yeah but even if you've got early Alzheimers you still have something. And do you know what that something is? Yup. Those videos.

Cora said...

Yep. Strangers are always touching my hair too. Bastards.

Ironically, my word verification today is "permi" - I resent the accusation, Zibbs, it's fucking natural, okay? NATURAL!

GingerMandy said...

yep that happens to me all the time too. except it's the color of my hair, therefore i have no idea why anyone feels they'll get anything out of touching it.

Chelle said...

Mine is naturally curly too. Sucks.

Why did our parents allow strangers to stroke our hair, though? That's a question for my Ma.

Alice said...

HAHAHA Three times when out at bars I have caught men smelling my hair! HAHA Crippy.

Earl said...

My sister got a long straight black hair. Many people like to touch her hair in public. On the other hand, our cousin, Denise loves wearing fake hair. By fake hair, I mean wigs. Her latest wig purchases include lace wigs, sepia wigs, harlem 125 wigs and new born free wigs.

Thanks for sharing your hair experience here in your blog!