At the request of my friend Flare aka Anonymous (friend since 7th grade) in this post, I will introduce you to Dukey.
Dukey was a neighbor growing up. I'll just let you know about him with some random items in bullet point form:
- If you called him Milton the Monster he'd say, "Fuck you you fucking asshole dickhead!
- One time he yelled out the car window at a nun: "You need to get fucked by a dick!"
- He would go on the CB radio and curse people out. Once he yelled to "the Phantom" (an adult neighbor): "You're a fucking dickhead Franz! Her son takes it in the butt!*"
- He made it a habit of rolling down his car window (or bus window) and spitting on people.
- He was all mechanicy and shit so he installed a speaker under his hood and he would yell stuff to people on the street, "Hey fat fuck! Get the fuck out of the way before I smash into you and break my God damn car you fucker!"
Where did Dukey end up? I'm not sure but he was arrested a few years ago for running a chop shop operation where one of his partners faked his suicide - pretending to jump off of the Ben Franklin Bridge in Philly*. The story was re-enacted on America's Most Wanted or one of those TV shows where they re-enact crimes. A proud moment for the neighborhood. (And believe it or not, his parents were very normal . He was just a bad egg)
There are a million more stories like these. Maybe Flare can add a few in the comments. If he isn't too busy being all lawyeree and shit. You fucking lawyer!
Did you grow up with a Dukey?
*This was soooo against FCC rules. I have no idea what that means but everyone always talked about how cursing on the CB was a major crime.
**The suicide note included, "Dukey, see you in HELL!" (true story)