Thursday, May 27, 2010

Embarrassing Incident That Happened To Me At Chester County Hospital.



I may have posted this story before on TBY but maybe not so here goes. Grab a piece of rug and gather around Indian style as I tell you this tale*:

A few years ago I found a lump on my nut. Do you know what I'm talking about when I say "nut"? You do? Good. I see my doctor and he sends me to Chester County Hospital to get an ultra sound on...yup...my nut. I have to admit, I was nervous that they were going to find something wrong with me. But turns out it was nothing serious. Rest assured that I'm still perfect in that region.

So I go into the ultrasound room and the nurse comes in. And she's a total MILF. Brunette, pretty eyes, cute little body, hot nurses outfit and the faint smell of Chanel. OK, I made that last part up. But she was hot.

She explains what I'm supposed to do, "I'm going to leave the room, but I need you to undress. Then, I need you to lay on your back and place your penis on your stomach and cover it with this towel. I'll be back in a few minutes." And she hand motioned the whole thing with her forearm representing the penis an open hand representing the towel. Almost the way a flight attendant explains safety procedures. As if to try and put me in "clinical thinking" mode. Nice try.

So she leaves the room and I follow the instructions but I'm really nervous that I'm going to get a boner**. Because she's hot and she's going to be rubbing warm goo on my nuts. How cants ya??

So I cleverly position the towel in a way that creates a "wiener reservoir". You know, like I prop it up in a tent type fashion so that if the boner begins, the fabric of the towel will not move. The boner will simply grow into the reservoir area while she innocently rubs the ultrasound wand on me - in a slow rhythmic motion...the heat adding to the pulsating...Oh...sorry.

The nurse returns, the lights are lowered and she begins. I swear the only thing missing were some candles. She squeezes the warm ultrasound stuff on me and starts rubbing the wand on me. And it feels good. Really good.

Guys, you know what I'm talking about.

I'm just looking at her. Kind of dreamily. Then I'm like, "OK, I better not look at her". That might start "the reaction". So I close my eyes. And can I tell you it felt so good. It was so relaxing and sexy at the same time. Then, I must have started to daydream because, almost instinctively I gave a slow thrust. (That means my hips moved up. The first stage of "pumping" if you will).

Mid-thrust I realize what I did and I freeze. WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?? I'm thinking maybe I can lower my thrusted hip really slowly, like over the course of a minute and she'll never know.

Who am I kidding? It was so fucking obvious. I tried again to convince myself that she didn't notice but then I just started getting embarrassed. I couldn't even look at her. The shame.

The procedure ends and she says, "That's about it. You can get dressed now." And she leaves the room. I get dressed and walk out. And I swear to God I'm not making this up. She standing there telling the nurses something, they're all laughing. As soon as they see me they go silent. Now I do tend to be paranoid but I really think she was telling them the story.

If anyone is is from Chester County Hospital and has heard this story please let me know. Thank you.

*I was reminded of this tale after @FrogCheeks (on Twitter) mentioned something about a hot nurse.
**An erection of the penis.

40 comments:

Kimmie said...

I can totally see you doing that!

Alice said...

OMG, Classic! I wonder if they all still talk about it. Like "oh, remember the thruster?!? HAHA". lol When I worked at the pharmacy we had all kinds of nicknames for people.

Dr Zibbs said...

Kimmie - it was embarrassing!

Alice - I'm sure it's a story that comes up from time to time. For a while after that I was nervous I was going to run into the nurse somewhere.

And then she's say to her friends, "There he is! That guy I was telling you about!"

Alice said...

hey- you never know...maybe she wanted you to thrust! LOL

Dr Zibbs said...

Alice - It's true. You never know.

Jenn said...

OMG this totally is so YOU :) is that your thang? Nurse outfits?

Dr Zibbs said...

Jenn - Uhhhh. Maybe...

*gets all nervous and runs away*

Jenn said...

HAHA bingo...

Gwen said...

What?! No happy ending for Dr. Z at the local hospital? Inconceivable. Did she not know who you are? And if so, how is that possible? You're famous!

Dr Zibbs said...

Gwen - I know right? I should have said at the begining, "Um, before this starts...do you know who I am? No? You better sit down for this..."

Stacey said...

Truth - I dunno how you guys walk around with those things. God bless ya.

FrogCheeks said...

YEAH! I got a blog mention!

I had almost the same experience. lump, was nothing, chester county hospital, towel, penis, warm goo, MALE nurse. Thankfully no erection/thrusting issues.

I do have another related story. I guess that will be my first blog post. Stay tuned.....

twitter.com/frogcheeks
frogcheeks.blogspot.com

Girl Interrupted said...

She said to lay it on your stomach? I'm not sure whether to be stunned, concerned or just really impressed.

It IS nice to know you have perfect nuts though.

Dr Zibbs said...

Stacey - it is a great responsibilty.

FrogCheeks - Well get writin' boy!

Girl I - Well thank you. It's nice to have them. AND I'm glad you're back blogging from Jolly Old.

Anonymous said...

LMAO Almost as bad as when they rub the G-Spot when you get the vaginal ultra-sound done.... no need for the lube ;P

KendallJaye said...

No worries. That bitch knew she was good looking/torturing anyway.
Besides. Wait until you get prostate check boners.
-KJC

JenJen said...

HAHAHA I laughed out loud when I read you thrusted!!

You know, you tried that shit on me when you hugged me. I think you have a problem.

Jessica said...

I'm a nurse and have been present when a "reaction" occurs. I can't begin imagine how mortifying it must be for the man and shame on the nurse for telling her co-workers in the hall. That's something you save for happy hour when everyone is bitching about/laughing at their patients that day.

Mrs. K said...

holy crap in all seriousness i hope you didn't let out a little moan you nut job.

tee hee hee

ÄsK AliCë said...

You Would

I can't imagine having to deal with that as a guy

The Jules said...

You say "slow thrust" but I reckon it was jumping up, gyrating your hips whilst swirling the towel round your head and singing Single Ladies by Beyonce.

Possibly.

madtexter ☺☺☺☺☺☺ (corey james) said...

Good grief. Don't you just looove bizarro medical procedures. And this is why I don't get massages. I'm afraid something may pop up at the most inopportune time. But I guess people person these services expect it. Heck, they probably get off on it!

WendyB said...

Laughed so hard I cried. You should tell this story once a week.

Dr Zibbs said...

Thanks Wendy - when I finally meet you I'll retell the story to you while acting it out.

Kristen said...

HA! Great story and so glad I'm not a guy.

AbelPetSupply said...

OMG. OMFG! I am CRYING WITH LAUGHTER! I literally could not finish reading after the "thrust". Holy hell! That is the FUNNIEST POST EVER!!!

I will never look at you the same. I will always think...warm KY nutjelly.

Dr Zibbs said...

Kristen - yeah - it can be tough sometimes.

nicole v. said...

In the immortal words of Elaine Benes:

I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.

Dr Zibbs said...

alright. Look at Nicole V chiming in.

Thanks for the comment.

The mad woman behind the blog said...

AWESOME!

oh, this was uncomfortable for you. Sorry, I was thinking still thinking about the MILF, cuz that's how I roll sometimes.

Sorry, its still awesome.

Dr Zibbs said...

The mad woman - you were thinking about the MILF. Oooooh I see.

CrotchPains said...

So when did your life become an episode of Seinfeld. Can you say "shrinkage"

Gage said...

please post a new story... this one is making me uncomfortable.

Dr Zibbs said...

Crotch - Oh yeah? *congratulates himself on his great comeback*

Gage - A new one just went up. And "uncomfortable?"

Dominica said...

Why didn't I go to nursing school ! ??
I could bring stories like this home and blog about it !
Now the only thing I can write about is kids and food !

Dr Zibbs said...

Dominica - it's never too late.

Anonymous said...

Moron, nurses don't do ultrasounds. That was a radiology tech.

sybil law said...

Hahahahhahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahaha

Awesome.

Dr Zibbs said...

Glad you liked that Sybil

Peggy said...

I cannot believe that I didn't leave a comment on this one! Totally ridiculously hilarious!

Boners must be weird...I mean, to what extent can you control something like that?